When does it suddenly become too long to still be feeding??!!

[briggsy's girl]

i have had a couple of "oh, you're still feeding" comments - more surprised than judgemental though. i still feed her wherever, whenever and don't really intend to change that. she didn't all of a sudden hit 12 months (or whatever other age people seem to think is most appropriate) and stop needing it. i have thought about how long i want to continue, and i can't pluck a date/age from obscurity and expect to end it. i would like to make two years (even if it's just morning/night feeds) but if DD weans before then, so be it. she doesn't seem to ahve any intention of weaning at this stage!

[Lily Dust]

I have been asked from day 1 'am I still feeding DD myself'...I mean seriously????? But after about 4 or 5 months I have been getting 'looks' when people ask and I say 'yes'. People can be so rude and ignorant IMO.
The sad thing is I am not feeding in front of these people and yet they feel they need to ask anyway. I also hate to feed in front of my mother because on the odd occassion I have had to, Im apparently doing it all wrong and I look so uncomfortable . Ah my favourite is when DD was 12 weeks all the women in my family telling me that DD had probably had enough of boob and wanted to get on the bottle

[Lily Dust]

Awww Gigi, I just read your 'by request' feeding, that is just beautiful.

[Persephone1]

Pre-Natally for me. I haven't even given birth yet and my ILs have already told me that there's "no reason to BF after 6 months" because "your milk won't be good enough after then." All I can say is that it's a good thing that they live interstate, cause I was BF'd until I was three, and I hope and plan to BF my son until he self-weans (all things being equal). Luckily I have a very supportive family on my side, including my Mum who BF'd four children and wouldn't think to question it.

I also remind myself that if people have an issue with my BFing, or any other pre-natal or parenting decision I've made, then it's their issue, not mine. Apparently being a mother allows everyone to have an opinion on what and how you do things - doesn't mean I have to listen or take it on board.

[STARRYSKY]

Sadly as others have mentioned, the common thing seems to be 6mths to one year anything more and thats it, youre a freak! LOL!

Ive been getting "so when are going to wean, dont you think its time to wean?" from my mum since DS was on solids, I think shes coming from a selfish stand point in that I dont want him going overnight anywhere while he still feeds overnight.
I still get asked by one particular lady at mums group (when she comes anyway) "are you STILL feeding?" quite incredulously.
any family and friends now that say anything, I just say yep, Iwill still be feediing when he is in primary school, I will just put my boob thru the fence... LOL!

[briggsy's girl]

teheheh "boob through fence" tehehehe

i agree there is often motivation behind the asking. i guess well-meaning family think once you wean you're more likely to let bubba stay overnight or whatever - my SIL copped this pressure from my mum - eventually she said to mum "even when she weans, she won't be staying overnight as a young baby - i LIKE being around my daughter and i won't hand her over just cos you want her" - it shut mum up. two more grandkids from bro/SIL and mum got the message! she hasn't said anything about overnight visits with DD yet - she has her a couple of times during the week while i work (if DH isn't home), but knows there isn't a snowballs chance in hell ANYONE will have DD overnight for quite some time unless it's an emergency situation. even if i had to wean right now it wouldn't happen. it's not about feeding overnight, it's about me simply not being ready and not being prepared to make myself ready for anyone else!

as to weaning, i have, on one occassion, been asked the question - i said "yes, she's starting to wean - she has food now and only BF part time instead of full time - i think it will be a very gradual weaning process!" (the guy who asked was 75 and his wife had been unable to BF due to her milk being salty and making her babies sick or something, so it was genuine interest)

[mrsmac]

I found from 6 months onwards people felt they had the right to ask!
I stopped feeding DD2 when she was 13 months because i felt a lot of societal pressure to stop at 1, as if that was some magic cut off and you must stop then. This was 10 years ago nearly and I had no BB or any other resources sadly. I did manage to keep feeding her while I worked P/T from when she was 4 months old which i was very proud of but a lot of people thought was weird.

When I had DS I had no real plans about when to stop feeding him, he self weaned at 14 months and I really think our trip to Tresillian when he was 12 months hastened that because they were very much of the belief that he should only get 2 BFs a day and I was so insane with sleep deprivation I did it. I really regret it now because I think if I had left him to feed when he wanted he would have BF for longer. He is my last baby so I will never get the chance again

[Gigi]

I found from 6 months onwards people felt they had the right to ask!
I stopped feeding DD2 when she was 13 months because i felt a lot of societal pressure to stop at 1, as if that was some magic cut off and you must stop then. This was 10 years ago nearly and I had no BB or any other resources sadly. I did manage to keep feeding her while I worked P/T from when she was 4 months old which i was very proud of but a lot of people thought was weird.

When I had DS I had no real plans about when to stop feeding him, he self weaned at 14 months and I really think our trip to Tresillian when he was 12 months hastened that because they were very much of the belief that he should only get 2 BFs a day and I was so insane with sleep deprivation I did it. I really regret it now because I think if I had left him to feed when he wanted he would have BF for longer. He is my last baby so I will never get the chance again

Starskky - LOL at the "feeding thru the fence" remark - good on you! I wish i thought of clever comebacks like that!

Mrs Mac - concentrate on the time you DID bf your child for, he DID get 14 months worth of all that liquid gold, the wonderful immunity you have given him, that's a great start to life. I understand you must feel "cheated" from whatever time he might have chosen to self wean at, but it's done now, so to find something good, in what obviously causes you grief, i encourage you to find solace in the 14 months of bm he DID get.

i went to what must be our state's version of Tresillian with my child at 19 months old, and they basically bullied me into only feeding bilby twice a day (we were previously on about ten feeds per day at that stage) and the medicos were horrified at that. In my state of sleep deprivation, i also bowed to that pressure. I have no idea HOW, cos i was frightened of my supply drying up, but the minute we got out of there (it felt like ESCAPING, the bullying of the staff was so intense, cry it out, weaning - you name it) we went back to "feeding by request" - bilby was SO HAPPY, i felt relieved and i coudl'nt believe it, my supply built up again too. i was mentally prepared for the milk to have dried up (which i was distraught about). I felt like a renegade, like the medico's would pop up out of the wardrobe and tell me off for feeding her (in my own home).

we're still feeding about three times a day (at 3.5yrs old) and i can see it petering out now, but that's quite a recent thing.

it's amazing, how what is such a private thing (between you and your child), is so commented on, so talked about, by people who have nothing to do with how your child's health, in the long run. the paed dietician who told me, there was NOTHING beneficial to my child, (at 19 months) in my milk, was so uninformed. and in the PND clinic, without access to internet or phone, i had no way to prove him wrong. felt so powerless. all the staff were working under a protocol that said "wean at six months", they thought i was a freak, to want to feed at 19 months old. i actually got told that i was doing it for selfish reasons! bilby didn't think so, she LOVED her breastmilk. and was so upset when she was denied the breastmilk.

that two weeks in the PND clinic was the worst two weeks of her life. took us a long time to get over it. and she STILL didn't sleep after all their interventions!

in time, her sleep patterns improved. that's what it took, time, not crying it out (which is what the PND clinic did, except they called it a different name).

in retrospect, i wish i had paid for a lactation consultant to help us with the sleep issues, instead of going to the PND clinic.

hard to think straight when you're sleep deprived, plus being a first time mum.

[briggsy's girl]

it sucks that "professionals" don't seem to think that the WHO guidelines are worth considering. i had a fill in MCHN when DD was six months old - she mentioned weaning and formula - i told her to check the WHO guidelines. we had DD's 12 month weigh in and check up last week - and the MCHN (another fill in) was fantastic. she looked at DD's book and asked if i was still BF - i said yes and braced myself for battle - i got "that's fantastic". she then asked about food/play/sleep etc - and was REALLY positive. she said that DD appeared to be in very good health and was thriving off the goodness mummy was giving her - YAY!!

DD is having a lot of feeds through the night at the moment. between teething, starting to walk etc, she's had a LOT going on. it's frustrating for me, not getting enough sleep, but i've stopped mentioning it anywhere (like FB etc) - one day, i mentioned being tired, and a friend (who's youngest child is 14!) DEMANDED i go to sleep school. i said no, i wasn't tired from DD not sleeping (i wasn't at the time!) and that, even if i was, i wouldn't take her to sleep school after hearing the stories i've heard about sleep school. i know she could be sleeping better if i pushed it and tried to "train" her, but i can't bring myself to do it. she is going to get there in her own time. in the meantime, i kinda like the middle of the night snuggles and feeds! wish DH would stop snoring and keeping us awake while we feed though lol