I am at my wit's end with this bloody feeding-to-sleep thing DD does. It's been going 3.5 months now and NOTHING that I try will break her of it, but she's breaking me. She feeds 3-hourly at night. Tonight she's done 6pm and 9:30pm, then She had a feed at 1:50, we were back in bed by 2:10. 3am she's awake crying again, from what looks like wind. I go in and do all the winding tricks, get her settled, wait a bit until she's breathing heavily, stand up... BAM she's awake and screaming again and WON'T resettle this time. After about 30 min I lose my temper and kind of do a little foot-stomping dance, stomp out into the lounge so DH will go in, then feel awful for getting angry with her and chuck pillows at the couch. And come back for "I'm sorry" cuddles when DH can't settle her. Then I bloody give in AGAIN and feed her cause I'm so exhausted and don't care anymore, but I do cause I know it's just going to perpetuate the cycle. Someone kill me now!
Firstly, great big hugs. This mothering thing is a had gig at times The whole feeding overnight thing is different for everyone but in my experience with my son - I found that once I decided that I was committed to feeding him, I didn't rush his overnight feeds and he took a full feed relaxed and comfortably and then woke less often. If I rushed and rocked him while feeding etc etc then he was more likely to wake. From your post though, it sounds like you are thinking she needs your boobs to help her fall asleep. If you don't want to feed her overnight then it's going to be rough. There's a method....I think it's called the Pantley (Elizabeth?) method where you count and then remove the boob. She might be a bit young for this but it's worth looking into as it's quite gentle.
Is there a reason you dont want to feed her to sleep?
My DS was the same. He cluster fed in the evenings 6-9pm until he was almost a year old. Then woke overnight. At first I was frustrated and stressed out thinking I had to break him of this habit, because he wouldnt settle himself and was feeding for "too long". When I finally gave in and accepted thats what he needed it was much less stressful. So from then on, I just went with it. It felt much easier and relaxed when I just went with his cues. He grew out of it in his own time. He still breast feeds to sleep at night time now but it takes 5 mins and is the easiest way to get him to sleep so I just go with it. I figure he'll grow out of it in his own time, just like he did with the 3 hour long feeds.
What Im trying to say is you dont have to do what the books say. It is OK to feed to sleep so if that works for you, just go with the flow.
No, it's simply because it's exhausting me! She might feed quickly but she has reflux, so I have to keep her upright or on a slope for 15 min before either of us can go back to bed. Every 3 hours means I'm getting sleep in 2 - 2.5 hr chunks and I'm someone who (without kids) needs about 9-10 hrs straight in a certain timeslot. I'm worried about going back to work in February as I drive a bit for my job. I'm also worried DD isn't getting enough sleep as she is always tired.
Yeah, DS preferred sitting position to any angle laying too.
Most of my suggestions involve bedsharing/cosleeping, which i know you don't want to do. DO you have a spare mattress you could feed her on and then leave her and go back to your own bed?
i feed to sleep just cos it's easier and i can't do the rock, pat thing in the middle of the night. sorry, i don't really have any ideas for you. just empathy cos i am right there with you waking multiple times every night. Having my dd though, i know that it will end eventually.
How mobile is your little one? DS' reflux has definitely settled as he has become more upright.
Are you settling her in her bed or in your arms and then putting her down? If its the latter then I'd suggest trying to get her to fall asleep whilst in her bed through patting and rocking as of she falls asleep there then she is apparently less likely to wake after just one sleep cycle.
I never fed DD to sleep either. I too struggle without sleep and was determined that DD would be a 'sleeper'. I'm lucky that she ended up being a good one, but I do wonder how much was to do with what we did and how much was to do with her personality.
My kids have all been chronic night wakers. I have only survived by co-sleeping so if that isn't your cup of tea then I imagine it must be even worse. I know the pain of just wanting to go to sleep but having to stay up to deal with them and the overwhelming frustration when you think they are going to settle and they snap awake! Arrrrgghhhhh!
I have no idea how to stop them feeding overnight. I am up to kid #3 and still haven't figured it out My 13 month old is down to one day feed, but still feeds 5-6 times overnight.
There is the old saying 'Night follows day' - how is she settling to sleep during the day? Do you feed her to sleep for naps and the start of the night? If so, you could try keeping her awake after the feed and then settling her by rocking etc to try to separate the association. No luck with that at my house, but every kid is different right?
Something I have learned though - don't worry too much about February until it rolls around. Three months can make a world of difference in the habits of a young baby.
She doesn't feed to sleep for day naps or the first night sleep. She can do it fine then, just not during the night! Makes no sense but her naps are too short. She's always been a catnapper. I can't seem to resettle her after them during the day. Never tried feeding for those cause it was never urgent that she go back to sleep, like it is during the night.
Dd is 16 mths and still wakes for atleast one fed, some times 3 or 4.
she has been the worst of my 3 for reflux so I use to try dream sleep her. Work out what her times and ques were and beat her to it- lie next to her ready to feed her and more often then not she would smell the milk and feed and sleep right through.
If your bf'ing and using a cot, the only way that would work would be a bottle if expressed milk.
If it works- you could get your hubby to take the night feeds some times and u sleep.
I know you must be exhausted. I'm sure you have heard it a lot, as they get older things often get better. Many babys "grow out" of reflux around 6 mths old.
I've recently discovered my kids are moderately sensitive to salycilates. the main symptoms being sleeplessness and irritability. I wonder if that may have contributed to the years of sleep deprivation.... If you're looking for something else to try, you could look into it
Hugs. My DD is 16 months old and wakes 3 times a night still. At about your DD's age, she was waking about 12 times a night. It was hell. At 9 months old I fell pregnant again and my milk dropped instantly. We spent a few more months feeding 12 times a night, but the milk just dropped and dropped. It was then that I made the decision to night wean (about 11 months old). By this stage I wasn't really lactating anymore, I could squeeze a drop if I tried but it was mainly colostrum. DD did cosleep with us though, I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I'm not sure if night weaning is a good solution for you yet, considering your DD's age, but maybe cutting 1 or 2 night feeds slowly over time might help? Basically DH would settle DD when she woke up, bouncing, rocking, singing, anything other than boob. Eventually she found comfort from daddy's methods and I was able to feed every second wakeup, every 3rd, every 4th etc.
At wit's end...
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The whole feeding overnight thing is different for everyone but in my experience with my son - I found that once I decided that I was committed to feeding him, I didn't rush his overnight feeds and he took a full feed relaxed and comfortably and then woke less often. If I rushed and rocked him while feeding etc etc then he was more likely to wake. From your post though, it sounds like you are thinking she needs your boobs to help her fall asleep. If you don't want to feed her overnight then it's going to be rough. There's a method....I think it's called the Pantley (Elizabeth?) method where you count and then remove the boob. She might be a bit young for this but it's worth looking into as it's quite gentle.
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