Your experiences with the tug of war regarding breastfeeding/formula feeding.
Just wondering if those that are making up their mind or have not yet could share their experiences.
I am not meaning those that always knew they would bf and then had some troubles but still continue to breastfeed..I mean those that are seriously thinking about not bf but feel like they really should. Therefore struggling with the decision or have.
I had massive issues with dd. I did not enjoy it, one iota. I pumped and that was easier and better, plus I got to share the feeding with DH. One thing I loved as we switched off nights and sharing the duties. * Dh is a full on father and will do everything I do. : )
Anyways, I have been reading some peoples stories and have been reminded again of how much I disliked bf. *8 years ago was when I bf..
So please tell me I am not alone on this. I thought I had made up my mind. I was even looking into renting a pump so I could pump milk from the beginning.. but after other considerations still undecided. I would like to hear from you formula moms as well, did you bf for 6 weeks and then switch or not at all? Did you know this from the beginning? Did you yourself feel pressured as well?
I do know that if I do decide to bf it will only be for 6 weeks. It is something I REALLY would rather not doing but I am open to it. Surely I cannot be the only one who is struggling with this?
Btw, no it is not a negative mind set, nor have I made up my mind and yes I had a lactation consultant at my house every day for three weeks when I had issues with my first go. So it was not lack of help or lack of knowledge.
I dont know if my story really applies to your issues- i never had a hesitation when it came to breast feeding, but as life turns out- i have breast fed one baby for 16 months, and then my second baby for only 4. With DS it was great- loved every minute and had no troubles- he fed constantly(never a supply issue there- i leaked like a tap til he was almost 8 months old) but as he was my first i was ok with that. I fell pregnant while i was still bfeeding and we weaned slowly during my pregnancy- we had no torubles with that either- all together a lovely breast feedng experience.
With DD i never even thought anything would be different ( the only thing i was going to do was wean earlier as i noticed with DS he slept through once he was weaned, so my plan was to wean at about 12 months)
She was a completely different baby- different feeder, she fed to eat, no comfort feeding no uneccessary sucking- she meant business. At about three months, she started wanting more than my body had... she became fussy and very unhappy, she stopped gaining weight and try as i could i couldnt boost my supply- i tried funigurk tablets, feeding often (as often as i could just sit there with a two year old aswell) and i persisted for a bout a month before i got her weighed and she had lost weioght- we were all unhappy and so i bit the bullet and bought a popper thingy of formula (determined NOT to buy a whole tin) and she drank it up after a feed and slept, well, like a baby!!! She was happy and back to her usual self, slowly the bottle overtook the breast. At first the comp feeds were good as it actually gave my breast milk a chance to build up and every second feed she was getting a good dose of breast milk.. but eventually she just stopped wanting the breast and wanted the bottle. I thought i would be distraught, but she was happy. And to me that was as important as continuing breast feeding. She is thriving on the formula, we still have a fantastic bond, and while i know she is possibly missing out on the benefits of the breast, she is HAPPY!!!!! And in my own selfish way- and to my own decisions- after being pregnant/breastfeeding/pregnant/breastfeeding for three years non stop... to be completely honest- i am kind of happy to feel like my body is mine again. If i had of had a break in there somewhere i may have thought differently- and that was my choice, but thats how i feel.
And yes, there are times i miss the convienance of breast feeding, having to wash bottles is a hassle, having to make sure i pack enough milk for a day trip and our first overnight trip away from home was something completely forgeign to me- but we did it.
I am lucky- DD feeds like clockwork- a bit when she wakes and a bit when she goes to sleep (i still demand fed, i go with smaller bottles more frequently- more work but its how she likes it) so her milk is always ready to go when she wants it. DH gets to feed her and its working for us.
Its a huge decision to make either way- and its up to you- its great that your open to try breast feeding- and you may find that you love it- pumoing may be the way to go if that helps with some of your issues. I know a little girl who was exclusively express fed for almost 12 months- so it can be done, and yes the benefits to breast feeding for babies health ARE IMPORTANT.....
BUT
So is your comfortability and happiness,your baby will pick up if your unhappy feeding, and it is such a bonding thing, that you want that bond to be ahppy time, not one where you are stressed out and anxious- coz your baby will feel the same.
hun i am in ur boat whole heartedly u have no idea
my first 2 boys drove me crazy i tried bf for 2 days n gave up i couldnt handle it i was only 16 with my first so i was going crazy having this baby hagning off my breast plus screaming 24/7 i couldnt handle it n gave up same with the 2nd i thought stuff it im not gonna put myself n him through all that when i knew he would settle on formula (mind u he ended up in scn so it wasnt such a ideal situation to make up my mind on to bf or ff)
my 3rd son i bf for 6 weeks n then put him on formula also
now with dd who is 6 weeks tomorrow i am bf n ff her, i was bf only but i felt she wasnt getting enough n her feeding was getting interrupted by my ds who as soon as he wanted something ould carry on till he got it.. but i was never going to bf anyway i thought i would just formula feed her which i decided when i was preg. but i gave it a try anyways just to give her the colostrum to start with
at 3 weeks i took her off n started ff and i got nothing but trouble out of her constipation upset tummys etc. long story short she is now bf n ff lol!!
i struggled with the decision as i did with the rest over if i was depriving her and if i was failing to ensure she was given the best i could give (i.e breast milk)
but i had to also think if i could handle it exclusively physically n mentally
i knew i couldnt due to ds n i knew that would be cruel to upset her everytime she is eating n that if i was bottle feeding it would be a tad easier n i could get help from others when it was available..
i felt so guilty for ages for taking her off n when ppl would ask if im bf i would say no n they would say ooohhh really why?? its sooo good for her... made me feel so low
now i use the breas pump n bf her when im on my own n at night before she sleeps n in the morning n its bottles during the day n now she is alot more content n isnt missing out on the real good stuff
When my DD was born, I decided to have the attitude of "we will see what happens". I decided I would stick it out for a couple of weeks at least. when I had, I decided, well maybe I could make it to 3mths. from there 6mths was my goal. In the end she made it to 10mths before self weaning.
I don't think there is anything wrong with deciding not to breastfeed - but I also don't think it needs to be an either/ or solution: or that you ever have to make up your mind about it.
Take it day by day and see how you go. Maybe try both - I certainly did with all three of my kids and it made life alot easier, because sometimes bf is more convienitent and sometimes ff is.
I decided before even pregnant with DS1 that I was not going to BF, so my focus and research was on FF only. It was a decision that I was happy with at the time and still comfortable with now. I was also very organised, so didn't have any trouble with bottles or not having anything ready. I researched bottles and formula.
With DS2 I gave it a go..horrid time in hospital and eventually got a good routine happening a few weeks later. We lasted until he was 9mths.
DD1 was good from the moment I had her, no problems. The MW explained that as this was my 2nd time my body knew what to do and DD1 seemed to catch on early,we lasted until she 12mths old.
That's the thing with BF, it's not all about the Mum, it's a learned thing for baby too, so if they don't get it, it can really be tough going.
As Misty has explained, perhaps you could just wait and see, if you get great support in hospital with BF, it may just work for you and baby straight away.
I've only done it once, so might not be much help in terms of experience, but I can honestly say I never enjoyed bfing in the way that some describe it. No great big rush of love, etc, just relief that it happened relatively easily. Funny, huh, considering how long I did it for... In my case, however, despite a few challenges, on the whole it was easy and convenient. Never had any issue with DD and her ability to feed, so never needed a LC. And I knew the benefits to her. So there was no need to ever make a tough decision.
The other thing I'll add is that it can be different for every mother/baby pair. So your next baby may be nothing like your first (hence the different experiences). I was so anxious that I would have troubles and in the end I was worried for no reason.
I'd suggest just taking a wait and see approach. You don't know how your baby will go. By all means, prepare yourself, which is often better than having to respond to issues after the baby is here. But don't put yourself under any pressure as to how long you should do it for, etc. GL!
I enjoyed breastfeeding but DD was slow to suck and my supply kept dropping along with her weight gains. After 6 trips to the LC, over 100 motillium tabs and 3 months my supply dropped again and I decided formula was the way to go. DD became more settled and had better gains and we both didn't seem as stressed. I did plan to bf but just didn't work out. I felt guilty for months and felt like a failure but looking back now I think that was the anxiety I was suffering at the time. DD is a happy, healthy toddler and rarely gets sick. She's had about 3 colds and one stomach bug in her entire life so far.
My friend was unsure about BFing, she felt odd about the thought and her milk never came in. I have the attitude it's your baby so you decide.
I've touched on the subject in our belly buddies thread, but will expand a bit more on my experience here. I had a horrible time with DS in the hospital, cracked and bleeding nipples, he wouldn't stop crying - DH and I had no idea what we were doing, every midwife would tell us that we were doing it wrong etc, so by day 3 I burst into tears after a sleepless night and told the midwife that I couldn't do it anymore. She set us up with formula and bottles, and we never looked back. He was a perfect baby (except for a bit of reflux) but he fed every 4 hours, always drained his bottle, and was really quite settled.
With all the negativity from my first few days, I knew that I didn't want to try to bf DD1. So I made the decision to formula feed her from birth. To be honest, the thought of her lying even on my chest for a cuddle filled me with dread and I didn't want to have any negative experiences with her, or any stress, because I had enough to deal with with my failed VBAC with her. As it turned out, she had an issue sucking and was bloody hard to feed with the bottle, so I'm glad that I didn't try to bfeed her.
With DD2 I tried immediately after birth and she suckled non stop for 2 hours. After that, I was terrified that my nipples would crack again, so got some formula to see me through the night, and then tried to bfeed and FF her. She would vomit horrendously after every bfeed, and not so much with the formula. I lasted a month (2 weeks exclusively bfeeding) and she was borderline failure to thrive. She never developed her suck properly (would never flare out her bottom lip no matter what me or the LC would do to train her to do so, eventually she did it on the bottle at around 7 months) so she wasn't draining the breast effectively, so my supply disappeared, without me knowing it. I thought she was just an unsettled baby because of her reflux, but it was because I was starving her. So I put her on formula and she gained weight, was much more settled and a very happy baby. She was happy, I was happy because she was happy, but also bloody miserable because I thought she was going to be my last and I had failed again!
Now I have another chance at it, so I am going to try my hardest, I am going to get some nipple shields because I think my nipples are quite sensitive and I think its the worst kind of pain there is... lol... so hopefully, between using them, and not giving in to formula, maybe (just maybe) this one will be successful. But if its not, i know that I would have tried everything I can, and whatever will be - will be.
I *think* I had made the decision to at least partially FF DS from birth.
I knew all the benefits of BF and knew it was the best for DS, but I was terrified of being the one in charge of doing it all. (both dp and I run our own businesses and I only had a limited amount of time off work)
So I bought bottles and formula in preparation.
However, as it got closer to his due date, I knew i would have a go at BF, I was hoping that I may have been able to do both, so at least I could get a bit more sleep at night and DP could do one PM feed via bottle.
The hospital I was at was VERY pro BF, if you wanted to FF you had to bring your own formula and bottles and it was very much frowned upon. I didnt take my stuff (by that stage, I was a little scared to LOL) so we BF.
By midnight of day 2, I HATED it. I was begining to dislike my DS too
It was the most painful thing ever. I was in a room with 3 other mums and their bubs, so there was always 1 crying baby, I had laboured through the sunday night, so from sunday morning through to tuesday evening, I had maybe 4 hours of broken sleep in total.
I had cracked nipples and a hungry crying bubby, and I have never been so miserable in my life.
In the middle of the night on the tuesday a nurse came in to find me sobbing into my pillow, she told me that I was doing so well and that bubs was perfectly attached yada yada yada, SO WHY DID IT FREAKING HURT SO MUCH?
I told her I didnt want to do it anymore, I hated it and I was terrified.She didnt say anything, just left and came back with a piece of paper and explained to me that if I wanted the hospital to supply me with formula, I had to sign this disclaimer which basically stated that I was changing the bacteria in my bubs gut and that I understood this could lead to long term health issues and a whole heap of other things I cant remember, but damn I wish I had a copy.
So she gave me a bottle of cold formula, which my boy promptly guzzled and she took him with her back to the nurses station and told me to get some sleep.
The next morning, he was bought back to me and it seemed that every nurse on the ward knew that baby S had been given formula the previous night. The general impression that i got from them was that I was allowed my 1 indescretion, but back to the boob it was for us.
I continued to hate every second of my stay, which thankfully was only another 8 hours.
We got home that afternoon and I tried to BF again, thinking that at home it would somehow be different, easier, less stressful, more comfortable. But no, it still freaking hurt like hell!
That evening, I gave my DS formula. By the next morning, for the very first time, I was able to enjoy having him. We never tried to BF again.
Guilt wise, yes, I did experience some, and also probably a little shame, I really had no excuses, I could have BF if I had persevered, I had milk, my DS could attach fine. Many of my friends and relatives BFed, I was the odd man out and certainly felt it at times.
However, looking back, I believe I made the right decision, I dont know that I could have continued without doing some long term damage to my relationship with my son. I dont regret FFing.
HTH
Not sure if this is any help, but here's my experience...
DD1 I BF for one week, and two of those days I was pumping. It was a bad latch, inexperience, lack of support, all kinds of things. She went onto formula & I never really felt guilty about it although I did wish it had been different.
DS1 I BF for 8 weeks; didn't really enjoy it much, was suffering a bit of PND, at the 8 week mark I decided he wasn't getting enough milk (probably not true but I didn't know then what I know now!) and I went on meds as well so gave up BFing & was pretty happy with how things had gone; after DD1 I considered 8 weeks an acheivement.
DS2 I fed for 14 months, completely different experience, really enjoyed it. I did wean him before he was ready & I feel a bit bad about that now but at the time I had just had enough, he wouldn't take a dummy & wouldn't go to sleep unless he was on the boob. I was worn out & needed some space. Again, compared to my previous experience, I was really happy with what we had done.
DD2 I BF for four days & then EBM for 14 months - again, completely different scenario, I developed oedema on day 4 & she couldn't latch, then never came back from the bottle. I will admit pumping had one or two pluses, but I would have been much happier BFing.
The only advice I would give is to have an open mind, and at the end of the day to do what you need to for you & bub. All of my experiences have been different, you never know what it may be like when you're there. Good luck
i always had in my mind that i didnt want to BF. that it would somehow ruin my relationship and control my life. and i would rather just FF.
I definitely had a phobia of BF, and the thought of having a baby suckling my boobs was quite distressing. To the point that i would dream i was breastfeeding,and vomiting at the same time....eeekkk.
when i became pregnant, all these fears were now becoming a reality and i needed to make a decision. Now there is no argument that breast is best. but at what sacrifice.
at several antenatal appointments, i have burst into tears, as soon as they mention breastfeeding. The midwives say that it is not worth breastfeeding if it really upsets me due to risk of PND etc.
so after lengthy discussions with DF, we have decided to try BFing. we are not going to bring formula to hospital, for fear of setting ourselves up to "fail" BFing. i really hope i LOVE it, but i struggle to see myself magically becoming comfortable with it.
with dd1 i tried and felt that preasured by the nurse (problems galore) i gave up at day 3 to be honest i didnt have the mindset of wanting to do it either so formula fed and it was great she slept through the night from 5wks was healthy to this day has been to the dr 2 times in her life (she's 9)
DS1 was born at 30 wks after my waters broke at 23wks i had no choice but to try and express because of his long road ahead wanted to try my hardest but because i lived 2hrs away from the hospital i gave him his first few feeds on ebm then switched to formula. Travelling was cheaper then a motel everynight i was exhausted but it helped i wasnt stressing about getting my milk there
with DD2 i put her straight on ff and didnt look back i dont feel llike any of my babies have missed out or my relationship with them has been affected i did feel judged by some people but told them where to go. Im about to have #4 in 9wks and have already made the decision to ff due to alot of reasons
I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. It is greatly appreciated. You have made me feel so much better. I went and ordered two books on breastfeeding and I am going to give it a go without holding too many expectations on myself. You have no idea how much better I feel and now I am feeling really positive about whatever happens.
As you all say, give it a go and see how it goes. Thanks again for sharing your story. I will be sure to visit this thread and update after bun is born. Hugs. : )
I've got a copy of the Breastfeeding Naturally book (released by the ABA) if you wanted to borrow it before bubs comes It would be no bother to send it up to you.
GL with whatever turns out to be right for you and your bubba. A happy mumma = a happy bubba, dont let anyone and their judgemental ways try to tell you otherwise.
Tams, the fact that you had a LC at your place every day for three weeks suggests to me that you encountered major problems and you tried your very best to make it work. Under those circumstances, it's completely understandable that it wasn't very enjoyable.
Do you know if those same problems are likely to recur? It might be completely different second time around. Or, as it was in my case, you might hit exactly the same problems second time around.
Briefly, with DD1, I tried to BF in the hospital, attachment was very hit and miss, she lost too much weight and I was FF, expressing and giving top-ups when I went home and continued to do that for two months. Trying to attach had been hideous in the hospital.
However, no-one gave me an explanation about why DD1 was hard to attach - I just thought it was my lack of education, knowledge so went in to it with DD2 more confident and knowing where I could find help. However, I was also less paranoid about giving formula because DD1 is such a picture of health. So I was determined to be more relaxed about it and not beat myself up if it didn't work.
EXACTLY the same thing happened with DD2. The first few days were OK until my milk came in and she found it really difficult to attach. Lost lots of weight. Panic stations. Expressing, expressing, expressing. Saw a LC when I got home who just said to keep trying. Excuse me, but if I haven't got the hang of it after trying eight times per day for three weeks, then 'keep trying' is not very constructive advice, especially when you're worn out from expressing and top-ups too. So I stopped because I could not understand how I could possibly get DD2 to BF when I had been trying for three weeks and attachment would maybe work once a day tops.
A few weeks after I stopped feeding/expressing, I randomly came across some information that actually made sense. I have very large nipples. It's really as simple as that. Attaching when my DDs were so little was really difficult. The midwives could do it, the LC could do it, but I couldn't. Plus, because I was expressing using machines that made my nipples really sore, I was probably a bit timid when it came to attachment too.
So anyhow, I tried to attach again when DD was about seven weeks old and it was as easy as pie. So it wasn't anything to do with my technique and there was nothing wrong with DD's mouth. She just had to get bigger so she could fit my nipple into her mouth. By the time I felt confident that maybe I could attach her, she was nine weeks old and I hadn't fed her or expressed for six weeks so we went down the relacatation path and had some success (that's another story).
So look, I would say have a think about what exactly happened last time. Were you given any explanations about what was going on and is it likely those things will recur? Secondly, if things go swimmingly, you might not want to put a six-week deadline on it as that could be the point at which it becomes really easy/enjoyable.
Your experiences with the tug of war regarding breastfeeding/formula feeding.
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