i always had in my mind that i didnt want to BF. that it would somehow ruin my relationship and control my life. and i would rather just FF.

I definitely had a phobia of BF, and the thought of having a baby suckling my boobs was quite distressing. To the point that i would dream i was breastfeeding,and vomiting at the same time....eeekkk.

when i became pregnant, all these fears were now becoming a reality and i needed to make a decision. Now there is no argument that breast is best. but at what sacrifice.

at several antenatal appointments, i have burst into tears, as soon as they mention breastfeeding. The midwives say that it is not worth breastfeeding if it really upsets me due to risk of PND etc.

so after lengthy discussions with DF, we have decided to try BFing. we are not going to bring formula to hospital, for fear of setting ourselves up to "fail" BFing. i really hope i LOVE it, but i struggle to see myself magically becoming comfortable with it.

but only time will tell.