For middle of the night feeds you may find attaching with you both lying down works better - it's worth a try.
I found that when my bub was 3 months old things started to hurt - he'd got strong enough that the imperfect attachment that we had was now causing problems.
If your nipples come out a funny shape then the attachment isn't right - in our case I had to get more of the underside of my nipple in his mouth. I went to a lactation day stay, and the nurse there picked it up.
Arcadia - From what I read I dont think its vasospasm, but I definately get blanched, lipstick shaped nipples from bad attachment.
So I think the thrush has now gone, and i'm sure the pain is from dodgy attachment. I have spent the past couple of days really focusing on each feed and pulling her off when the attachment is uncomfy - which I do a bit unfortunately. And my nipples have healed a bit. Though I still cant get attachment 100%. I guess I have come to the conclusion that this is the best possible attachment we can get at this age, and hopefully with time/age it only gets easier?
All of that being said, I feel so darn confused and emotional. Trying to keep positive but I just keep thinking how much I dislike breastfeeding.
The pros for me are:
- She is gaining weight. And people come over, hold her, and say wow she is definately bigger and heavier.
- She feeds 3 hourly during the day and pulls longer stints at night.
- I barely have to burp her, even at night feeds. She just goes back to bed easily. I remember spending up to and hour with my first during the night trying to just make her burp (on formula), she would grunt and groan till she did. Breastmilk just seems much easier to digest!
- She is happy!!!!
- I know full well the health benefits it provides for her!
The cons:
- It hurts.
- My boobs are constantly aching and leaking.
- I hate the engorged, lumpy feeling.
- I feel frustrated and unhappy. I even feel frustrated with my innocent baby.
- I feel chained to the baby.
- I dont feel the bonding side to bfeeding, I just cant wait for her to finish each feed.
- I feel selfish and guilty.
I just wanted to write that, more for myself. But thanks to anyone who reads and understands.
oh im sorry you are going through a tough time. I understand how you feel. i really wanted to breastfeed but had huge dramas with his attachment as he wasn't sucking etc, and then got Mastitis which hung around for weeks.
i persisted for what seemed like months when it was actually only 3 weeks, before making the decision to switch to formula. i was so upset and felt sooo guilty that i was depriving my baby of breastmilk because i couldnt handle the pain.
but those feeds seem to come around really fast when you are in agony. and i was dreading my baby waking up. so in the end it was about both of us being happy and enjoying each other instead of me bawling my eyes out all the time.my nipples hurt more than labour itself!!
so remember, its not the end of the world if you choose to stop, especially if you really dont like it. but you are doing so well persisting. i wish i could have persisted.
This is going to sound very nasty, but please get some professional help with attachment now.
Over the next month or so your babies mouth will grow (i.e. attachment should get better), but she will also get a much stronger mouth (i.e. damage from poor attachment will get worse).
I think you need to explore options like:
*joining the ABA and taking bub along to a few meetings where people can help you with attachment
*seeing a lactation consultant (it is likely that one session would fix this)
*lactation clinics or day stays in your area
At 9 weeks, unless you have huge nipples or bub has a really tiny mouth or a very high palate, there shouldn't be attachment issues.
You've hurt for long enough - get some help please!
I'd be going back to the LC Is.
It can and does get easier, it really does. Try not to focus on how much you dislike it - it's just another thing that mummies do that they may not love all that much. Do you enjoy wiping pooy bottoms or cleaning up spew? I know I don't, but I don't think about it too much and just do it.
You don't have to love breastfeedign to do it, it's just a way to feed your baby. You do it and then you do the next thing you have to do.
It's great to hear how well she's thriving! I really hope you can sort these issues out very soon
i'd def agree with the PP re-working on attachment now. would you consider going to a local ABA class/meeting or getting an LC in again? it is a matter of trial & error - i felt like it took me ages to get right but once it is sorted out, the feeds are far less uncomfortable.
i know it seems draining now, but i promise it does ease - soon your baby will feed a bit less & even if they don't, you will find you can do other things at the same time that make feeds less stressful - for me, it took a while but once we were going really well, i'd read a book when i was feeding. other people seem to master feeding in a sling so they can still do chores or play with their other children.
don't feel selfish or guilty for feeling the way you do. there are plenty of us who feel/felt the same way. if you choose to keep going, we're here to support you & offer any advice we can
MadB - I know, I'm being so negative about the whole thing, it isnt helping the situation is it! I am trying to keep positive.
Kmn - Not nasty at all, you are very right. I certainly dont have huge nipples, I barely have boobs lol.
Thank you girls you are all so full of advice. I feel like a selfish drama queen lately.
I am going to try to see the LC I saw a few weeks back, she put me back on the right path so hopefully she can do it again.
That being said, for the past couple of days I have really being focusing on each feed and ensuring a good attachment. I think I got a bit too relaxed too early on and didnt check attachment as much - hence the sore nipples came back. But since keeping an eye on things, my nipples are much better. I also notice she is opening her mouth much wider, as I have been pulling her off alot to start again. Frustrating but necessary. Now when she opens her mouth, she can get her bottom lip just past the outline of the areola iykwim? And it is fine when she does that. But I think she is used to not having to open as wide and after a few sucks, she pulls her bottom lip closer to the nipple Thats when I detach and start again. If I keep doing this will she get it eventually?
I think they are going to ban me from BB soon, such a drama queen!!!
No, this is great! You sound better today I know with DD we had trouble at the start. A bit of a rough start, which meant she had to be retaught and I popped her on and off and coaxed her over and over to open her mouth. At first I wasn't sure that it woudl ever work - I was so disappointed to start this way - but by 3 weeks we pretty much had it.
Anyway, yes, she will learn. Hopefully very soon you won't have to think about it, she'll just go on by herself while you compose shopping lists or something more interesting.
You are not a drama queen! I am just really happy for you that you are having such a good go at it.
Keep posting as much as you need to.
With dd1, she was pretty tiny so I had a few probs getting her on. It seemed like ages before her mouth was big enough for her to get a good attachment on her own, but we got there. And then it was easy. I could feed while doing just about anything! You'll get there. X
I know this isn't your purpose in posting, but i have learnt so much about breastfeeding that has helped me and friends of mine who have wanted to breastfeed from reading other people's stories who have had difficulties and tried different things. I don't think you are a drama queen, and it is so great to hear that you are having some really good feeds now. I also had to do the detach, attach again (and again...) but bub worked it out and it was so much better.
She will get it !
When she does "get it" are you getting nipple-shaped-nipples after the feed??
And in this bit of BB we like drama queens - because it means that you are giving your best efforts to feeding your bub in the best way you can. And as Kate said - everybody learns.
hi isa
i second what other people have said about getting the LC back out just to check how things are going.
it's great that you're coming on here and talking about it and getting some support. just remember there may be some other new mum out there that is struggling and following all this and getting support from it too, just not posting about it xoxo
Thank you so much girls. I am hanging in there. I have an appt tomorrow afternoon with the LC who pulled me through last time, so hopefully she can do it again. My nipples are a tad sore this morning, but had a bit of a dodgy night feed. This was due to being so engorged when she finally woke, poor thing has to gulp and my attempts at keeping her mouth wide open are poor!
Just had a big cry on the phone to my mum. She told me I can only do my best and at the end of the day 9-10 weeks of feeding has given her a good start. Obviously I am trying to go longer than this though.
Breastfeeding can be hard work because of all the changes your body goes through...the engorgement, leaking tenderness etc, but you've come so far! Your supply really settles down around 12 weeks and it gets easier and easier.
The worst is seriously behind you! You CAN do this if you choose...you ARE doing it!!! Each feed, each day is an achievement!!!!
Please keep us updated. You will be inspiring so many other mums who are struggling through pain.
Crying and breastfeeding go hand in hand for me...it's the way my hormones work. I found twelve weeks a huge milestone and much of it settled.
Reply With Quote
Thats when I detach and start again. If I keep doing this will she get it eventually?
I know with DD we had trouble at the start. A bit of a rough start, which meant she had to be retaught and I popped her on and off and coaxed her over and over to open her mouth. At first I wasn't sure that it woudl ever work - I was so disappointed to start this way - but by 3 weeks we pretty much had it.
Bookmarks