Being pressured to give up breastfeeding - HELP

[aussienic]

I don't really know what to say to be honest.. I will admit I am very annoyed at your Dh and MIL for making you feel this way..

Maybe if you want point out the cost of formula and bottles ect.. Talk about the convenience of BF (rather then the goodness) Explain when bub wakes during the night or when out the milk is ready to go where with a bottle you have to go make it and get it all ready ect ect..

I hope you can solve this conflict.. I wish I had more to offer

[Fleur]

hun it is totally up to you. This is your baby...you make the decisions, NOT your MIL.
IMO it is unfair of them to be pressuring you to do anything.
It might be a decision for you & your Dh to make together...
but why does your DH think this is his decision any more than it is yours?

Have you asked him what made him have such a dramatic change of heart? Was it just what his mother had to say? It seems a bit unusual that he was so adamant that you continue, only to now be pressuring you to wean.

I would suggest having a look at some of the articles here on BB, also contact the ABA & see what they can send you. Back up your wish to continue BFing with literature stating the benefits to both you & bub. Maybe then he will be a bit more supportive?

ETA - I don't know if it will help any - but you could point out that in terms of convenience, BFing is portable, there's no washing up, it's always ready & at the right temp... there's a lot to be said for the convenience of BFing too!

[Jesska]

Do what you feel is right for you and your daughter hun... if it were me, id tell my dh and mil to shut up... (not that it would ever happen, cos both my mil and hubby are totually for b/fing) why take her of the boob when she is obviously happy and putting on weight?!
Id keep her on the boob for as long as you like hun, its up to you afterall... dont let anyone talk you into doing something you dont want to cos you will most likely regret it.
Hope things work out for the best, and for what you want for your DD

[MsKara]

Dido I'm sorry you're being pressured this way! It's not fair of your DH to put this on you.

I would try talking to him about it. Perhaps you could ask him to read this post

[Rosie's Mum]

Sweetie I was so sorry to read that post, the only advice I can give is that your responsibility is to that little baby. Your Mother in Law is going to have an opinion on everything about your child for the next 30 years and you will have to tell her to back off at some stage. It is a real pity that she is starting already. Your partner needs to make decisions with you about your child not with his Mother. He is a Father now before he is a son.
Your Mother in Law may have some out of date information about formula/breastfeeding too. In the 50's and 60's there was a very effective advertising campaign by formula companies to make breastfeeding seem like the inferrior option, something you did if you couldn't afford formula. We have since learned that breastmilk is a very healthy choice for your baby. (I breastfed but I think whatever you choose is great except coffee or brandy maybe.) If you have the strength to take on your Mother in Law and Husband right now, show them all the information that shows you are making a WONDERFUL choice for your baby.
Look after yourself and your Angel and don't let anyone bully you into doing something you are uncomfortable with.

[~Raven~]

Your Mother in Law is going to have an opinion on everything about your child for the next 30 years and you will have to tell her to back off at some stage. It is a real pity that she is starting already. Your partner needs to make decisions with you about your child not with his Mother. He is a Father now before he is a son.

Look after yourself and your Angel and don't let anyone bully you into doing something you are uncomfortable with.

Agree totally with Rosie's Mum!

Put your foot down now about the breastfeeding because this will happen with everything from solids to what shoes you put on her feet to school! My MIL is very outspoken on her opinion on everything. It goes in one ear and out the other now

I am also concerned about your DH seemingly dominating you. From his insistence you breastfeed and now insisting you stop. I may have misunderstood your message but that is what I'm getting from your post.

Ask him what's influenced his change in thoughts on the matter.

You're doing a great job Mummy!

[~Hestia~]

Go Dido
Will be keen to hear how you go.

[Nai]

You go girl and stand up for your daughter and what is best for her! Your DH may be a mummy's boy but your daughter is your girl and she needs you to be a role model for her.

Tell your DH that you have read all of the available information and you will be doing what is best for your daughter - and that is BF. You can also say that MIL had her turn at raising her children and now it is your turn to raise your child and you will be doing your way.

Oh and by the way - my DD2 has 8 teeth and I am still BF with no problems! She knows not to bite the bb that feeds her

[whoops]

Here are some reasons from the ABA website:-

Breastmilk reduces illness

It is thought that the protective components in human milk are directly responsible for reducing the incidence of many illnesses in infancy and childhood including acute diarrhoea, lower respiratory tract infections, and ear infections. In addition, there is evidence that breastfeeding protects against less common illnesses such as necrotising enterocolitis (NEC), bacterial meningitis, botulism, urinary tract infections and sudden infant death syndrome. In the longer term, insulin dependent diabetes mellitus, inflammatory bowel disease and childhood lymphoma are also less common in children who were breastfed.

Why is breastfeeding important?

Breastfeeding is important for the health of babies because they have immature immune systems and breastmilk provides the baby with its mother's antibodies and other defence factors. Human milk provides many protective factors that can enhance the immune system of the newborn child against infection, offering the immediate protection of antibodies and cells involved in fighting infection, as well as growth factors that continue to develop the baby's own immunity.

The antibodies in breastmilk are important in the protection against infection because they are directed against bacteria, fungi, viruses and other antigenic substances to which the mother has been recently exposed. In addition, mother's milk contains lactoferrin that has an anti-inflammatory action; lysozyme that attacks the walls of certain bacteria; oligosaccharides (complex sugars) that prevent binding of toxic substances to the cells lining the airway and fats that have an antibacterial action. As well, breastmilk contains a number of specific factors that promote growth and maturation of the baby's immune system. Thus breastfeeding provides health benefits for all infants in ways that infant formula cannot.

[nattyfred]

Hi hun I just saw this thread and I too am sorry you are in thi situation. I think Rosies mum hit the nail on the head. You are her mummy and won the right to make the final decision the moment she was concieved. Im honestly flabbergasted that your dh would change his mind like that esp when your baby is thriving. No there is no way to scientifically test but if she is putting on weight who cares? I cant even remember how many feeds my dd has because I just give it to her whenever she wants it...Too bad for everyone else this is the closest you will be with your daughter and noone has the right to interfere with that special bond..You only have them like this for such a short time.

Good luck I hope you have the strength to tell them to shove it.

[Liz]

Wow..I'm so sorry they are pressuring you like that. It's one thing to have that opinion, but they should not be putting pressure on you

Can you get someone 'official' to tell your DH that you should be breastfeeding and to reassure him on any doubts about the nutrients etc. Maybe call in a LC to talk to both of you or something? I'd be getting him loads of articles to read, or do you have the Breastfeeding.. Naturally book? He needs to know that those old school opinions & myths of breastfeeding are a load of rubbish. I didn't receive pressure from my mother at all, but she came out with the same drivel of maybe my milk isn't good enough etc etc and I had to just believe in what I was doing. I'd be asking him what his specific worries are and refuting them with articles from the ABA etc. Not in an argumentative way, but in a way that is just reassuring him on those doubts that have been planted by his mother.

*big big hugs* to you. You're doing a great job.. you just need to get your DH on the same page again. It's going to be a tough road by the sounds, because anything you experience with your bub now (sleepless nights, teething... whatever) is going to be blamed on the breastfeeding. Just remember you will always receive the right support & information here on BB.

[Dedicated Doula Gillian]

[m]umma[m]ia said exactly what i was thinking!

I'd find out if MIL had problems BF and so in turn doesn't want to be out shone by her DIL????

I was 'forced' to stop bf when my son was around 2yrs old and it is still something i regret!!!!
But you do what you feel is best as a mother and tell Dh to get on board and support you because the minute you do start using bottles he'll be doing the night and early morning feeds and winding and nappy changes so... if he's not keen on that idea then tell him to keep his mouth shut and thankful that you are doing such a great job!!!!
You can tell him you love him but with him not supporting you in this, makes you feel unloved and that's just unfair!!!

[*EJ*]

I am devistated that you have been made to feel the way you do. I can feel your hurt when reading about the pressure you are under and the pain and frustration you are feeling being 'up against' your DH & MIL. They should be supporting you in any decision you are making.

All i can say is do what you want to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Maybe you could sit them both down, (take a deep breath and tell yourself you can do this for yourself and your beautiful DD) tell them you are breastfeeding your daughter for as long as it makes you and her happy and will not discuss it with them any further if they are not willing to support you in your decision. Add in there that you love them and would dearly love their support and understanding. It doesn't have to be nasty but make them see that you are not going to bend to the pressure they are putting on you and that they need to STOP.

I breastfed DS1 until 13months and currently breastfeeding DS2 and even still i'm no expert but it does sound like a lot of what they are saying is very wrong.

It's a shame your DH only sees breastfeeding as an inconvenience because it's so much more. I'm sure he wants what is best for his daughter. It could be worth trying to go to some breastfeeding info sessions (if they are out there) for him to get some credible information and really understand what you will both be providing your daughter by you continuing to breastfeed and him in supporting you.

Good luck and don't be affraid to stand up for what you believe, be it: breastfeeding, education, diet there's so many varying things that you may have different opinions on but you want to be able figure things out together with love and understanding.

You can do it

[~Hestia~]

Wow. I can understand why you don't feel comfortable telling your DH that you want to continue BF.
It sounds like your DD is doing very well on breastmilk & if you're happy continuing then I see no reason why you shouldn't.
I think your DH needs to understand that you & your DD are his family. Yes, his mother can have her opinions. But he needs to stand by your decisions instead of doubting you & stick up for you when she gets in his ear.
I think your MIL is misinformed - the beauty of breastmilk is that it contains everything your baby needs. (Not that I'm against formula of course ) And as for not giving breastmilk until 6months+, that just doesn't make sense.
YOU have to be comfortable with your parenting decisions instead of being bullied into them. You're doing a great job

[Janie]

Oh hun, I really feel for you. I know what it's like to come so far, and feel like you don't want to just throw in the towel on what is working now! I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's really not fair.

What strategies do you think would help your DH to come around? Telling him that it's really important to you, and it's working well now? Reiterating how much more costly formula is? Explaining the health benefits, the WHO recommendations etc? All of the above LOL? If you can have a think about what might help the most, we can help you figure out a strategy

Hang in there hun, and in the meantime, surround yourself with people who support breastfeeding, and know that you're doing a wonderful thing for your baby

ETA To me, the health benefits of breastfeeding, for both mum and baby are SO stand out amazing, I'm not sure there's any better argument.......is your DH aware of all those benefits?