Feeling sad :(

[delphmoon]

Well it looks like my bfing DD is slowly coming to an end. She has a high palate that is making bfing almost impossible as she can't suck the nipple. My LC advised that this was likely to happen and despite my persistence and sheer determination, I don't think its working out

I have been bfing and bottlefeeding EBM but have also had to start FFing aswell due to supply issues...I'm surprised she has accepted the boob and bottle and breastmilk AND formula all at the same time. Shes a good girl.

But now, more frequently she is getting frustrated with bfing. She even hits my boob sometimes...

What makes it harder is that DH doesn't understand the problem and believes I have given up too early and should put more effort into it...ie: express every hour all the time and continue persisting with bfing even though DD eventually just screams her head off til I give her the bottle.

I s'pose I'm just feeling alittle ganged up on and ashamed that I am considering not breast feeding. I enjoy the experience and it brings tears to the eyes that I may not be doing it anymore...but I have to think of what is best for DD- I don't want her screaming at my boob all the time- I want her to enjoy her time with me AND have a full belly...

Just needed to write this all down...surely I'm not the bad mum I think I am??

[Miss.September]

You're not a bad mum at all

You do what's right for you and your baby, there's nothing else to it.

[Laranna]

Of course you're not a bad mum!

DD hits my boobs too, it's her way of getting a let down happening! Have you had a chat to the ABA?

In any case, you're doing a great job and your DD has had a great start with what you've given her so far

[onthefly]

I'm sorry you face such an uphill battle - you've done really well to push on this far
Feeding AND expressing AND ffing is a really tall order.
You've sought advice from an expert and worked really hard. At the end of the day, it's really down to you and your baby how this will work out. You're a loving mummy and will do your best by your little girl, there's nothing more anyone can ask of you.

[Maisy]

Try not to feel guilty about it - it sounds like you have tried your hardest with BF and that has given your baby the best start in life. As my paediatrician said, some breast milk is as good as any. Sometimes it is not worth all the stress and an unhappy baby - in the end who cares where the milk comes from, as long as they are happy, content and feeding (and gaining weight) then that is all that matters really.

I had to comp feed my firstborn because she was not good at attaching without a nipple shield but despite feeding every 2 hours she was not gaining weight. It was so stressful. Formula top ups helped but I never got over the guilt as I felt I should be able to BF but my supply was also low and I just couldnt increase it without meds (by which time she got used to the bottle)

Second time around I had to express due to my baby being a premmie and I thought of going back on medication for the milk but tried accupuncture first and it worked. I had 2 sessions and noticed an increase after one so kept expressing and then did a second session and it increased it yet again. I didnt know about acupuncture until recently.

Hugs to you, i know it is a sad feeling when BF doesnt work out the way it should.

[MummaSue]

You've done a brilliant job at doing what is best for your baby.

You're a wonderful mummy!!!

Sue xxxx

[Kmn]

Good on you for giving things such a red hot go.

You have a few more options open to you. It seems as though the BF-ing is making you and bub a bit sad - so maybe think about reducing that to a couple of times a day, just so DD doesn't forget how to.
Then sit back and consider your time and sanity and make a decision on how frequently you can pump and stay sane. And then top up with FF as needed.
I think you should try to not give up breastmilk completely - what you gain in not mucking around with pumps you may well lose with a bub that gets more colds and so on. And one breastmilk bottle a day is a significant benefit to your baby. But you need to find a balance that works for you.

Get on over to the exclusive expressers thread too - you're not exactly in that boat, but there are a lot of women there who will really understand where you are coming from.

Whatever you decide to do, do it gradually. Drop one feed per week and pump if you get sore or lumpy. You really don't need blockages and mastitis at this stage!

[starangelk]

Good on you Delphmoon. I think BF is one of those things that unless you have done it, you really don't understand - hence your DH's comments. Only you know what is the best for you AND your bub. I think you are doing an amazing job to be expressing, BFing and supplementing. I can imagine this is constantly on your mind and filling up your thoughts so please accept my virtual hug.

[delphmoon]

Thankyou guys...I don't feel soo alone now

Was having a very down day that day but now have turned the corner.... I know there are lots and lots of other special things I can do for DD.

Thanks for your support