Ok - not sure about the hands (it has been a while for me!)... Maybe you could wrap her to attach (as long as she's happy about it) and then loosen the wrap once she's sucking?
How often is she feeding atm, OP?
When she's feeding well, can you hear her swallowing?
They can be impatient little creatures, can't they? I remember Natty getting terribly cross with me when I tried to correct her attachment. (And when I changed her nappy before she wanted me to, LOL.) The best thing to do is just see that as impatience and try not to let it stress you out too much. I know it is easier said than done. (But you get better at dealing with your offspring's impatience I am pretty good at it these days, LOL.) The important thing is for you to be as calm as you can, and she will get it even if she gets a bit cranky first.
Hang in there - you are doing so fabulously well.