Our tandem feeding journey began with DS2 being placed on my chest immediately after birth. We left the cord attached until he had made his way to the boob and started rooting for it which was about 20 mins after birth. He needed a little help getting on but then was a natural at it. DS1 was quite fascinated, we've had lots of preparation about sharing the boobs beforehand and were hoping this would help DS1 still feel included and closer to his brother.
Until about day 2/3 i was having them both on at the same time - but this became very challenging. DS1 started to come along as soon as i'd put DS2 on and sometimes on purpose, sometimes accidentally push DS2 off - then it was hard to get him back on. DS1 would then want to go from one to the other and so DS2's feeds were being relegated to after DS1 was finished - this was not working for us! So i gathered some info from wise old tandem feeders before me and decided to start offering DS2 first and if DS1 wanted to join in try distraction and then explanations about waiting.
So what i'm doing now, is telling DS1 that he is very lucky that he's able to eat proper food and even special things like juice whereas DS2 can only have milk.... making it seem like a huge privillege, and so far that seems to be helping him wait. Luckily i also have DH home to distract him until DS2 finishes. Then i offer DS1 so he knows that he can still have it, he just has to wait. This has been challenging for me as i've always fed DS1 on demand and its hard to ask him to wait but this is just one thing in a long line of many where he will have to learn patience and understanding, so we are just trying to do this as gently as possible.
Nights are particularly challenging at the moment.... as DS1 is feeding about twice, and DS2 is feeding fairly constantly from about 2am-5am! yet during the day he is having long periods of sleep without feeding! so i feel like all i do at night is go from one to the other feeding.... but this is okay... i expected it. Also after apologising profusely about my messy house to the visiting nurse, she assured me ALL i need to focus on now is feeding my two boys, who she said look very well and happy... so i am happy DS2 is also only 65g under his birth weight now on day 3.5 so it is obviously nourishing him!
Anyway just thought i'd share.... advice is also welcome as its still a learning process for me.
Well done MummaB. Thank you for sharing such a positive and heartwarming story. Your boys sound like they are doing really well, and how lucky are they to learn about sharing in this way. Congratulations, you are doing a fantastic job!
oh T well done honey!
Its very inspiring to read such a lovely story on BFing! Its truely wonderful that you have found the signs that focussed on the positive things rather then discluding DS1. Your an asset to your family and the woman here at BB for your positive reflection on your bfing experience.
Yourve just helped me to make a big choice in regards to our feeding...thank you
Thank you for sharing the positives of tandem feeding. I am facing this challenge in a few months if DS decides to continue BF until the next little person is here. I am, to some extent, excited about the possibility but also very scared about how things will work out. You reassure me that it can be done
What fantastic job you are doing. My daughter tandem feeds her 2.5 YO and 6 month old. When she was pregnant she also talked about how lucky DS1 was that he could have chips because he had teeth and that the new baby had no teeth and could only have milk. She has had no problems at all, darling DS1 loves his baby sister and is happy to wait for his turn. Tandem feeding is also great for supply and my daughter has never had problems with blocked ducts. I loved breastfeeding and I am so proud of my daughter and her beautiful mothering skills. Enjoy your beautiful family.
Thanks MummaB for your inspiring and loving story. Do keep us updated! Can I ask how was it feeding DS1 when you were pregnant ie with tender nipples? And also, was your supply diminished with the pregnancy? Many thanks!
Yay - well done MummaB i can't help you with the running between the 2 at night, because I weaned DS off night feeds during the pregnancy. He still woke through the night (still does) but settles just by climbing into our bed and snuggling
As for them learning to share, I found DS was really good with this. We only fed at the same time a few times (got photos coz I knew we wouldn't do it often) because DD kept falling off coz of the funny angle I had to hold her LOL. He was very accommodating to her, and loved to watch her feed.
I found I didn't worry about keeping track of who had fed when, and from which side. So sometimes DD fed after DS, or vice versa, and I was pretty hopeless at remembering which side we were up to, but somehow my boobs coped with this LOL. In the early days you can feel which side needs to be fed from anyway.
So pleased to hear it's working for you, you're doing a fantastic job meeting both your bub's needs
I've passed one hurdle which has been particularly unpleasant, 2 weeks of total engorgement! But finally this is settling down which is a relief.
However i'm currently milling over how to tackle the next challenge... my toddler is not eating, well barely..... It started with rejecting breakfast, then having 1 bite of lunch and in recent days refusing dinner as well. I have tried everything - favourite foods, yoghurt and fruit smoothies, pureed fruit on toast. I've been offering several options each time but he just does not want to eat. Instead he asks for the boob - he is currently feeding as much as my newborn! I've been trying to research just how much food toddlers do need and while i know Bm is liquid gold, i do think he needs to be eating some food... yesterday all he ate was a bit of bread and grated cheese (separately )..... So i'm not sure what to do at this point, those i've spoken to who tandem didn't have this happen.
The other thing is coming to grips with the fact that tandem bf is not the all divine bonding experience i thought it would be between my boys..... when i do have them both on the boobs, rather than staring lovingly in to their eyes, my time is spent trying to protect my newborn from being crushed by and over enthusiastic toddler who likes to crawl all over me and poke his brother in the head! So i try to feed them separately now. My toddler hasn't adjusted to this that well but i console myself knowing he had me to himself for 2 years which is pretty good.... then i begin to feel guilty that my newborn has to share, but luckily he has been a cruisey baby since birth and doesn't seem phased at all!
hehe at your description of the reality of tandem feeding! I guess I was lucky to glimpse a few moments of DS stroking DD's head while they both fed. LOL.
As for the toddler not wanting food.. remember he's drinking newborn milk now, and it is different to the toddler milk he was having before. It would be much more filling, and the toddler can actually put on weight when tandem feeding because of the yummy, fatty, nutritious newborn milk! I have read before that the toddler can feed like a newborn again, so you're not alone with that one... obviously has happened to others I'm sure it'll settle down soon and he'll get back into his solids. i guess if it comes to it, he can just start solids again when the little one does at 6 months LOL.
Did you grab a copy of Adventures in Tandem Nursing? I think I read it there that they can feed like newborns again.
Don't stress.. everything will fall into place Sounds like you're managing really well
MummaB you are such an inspiration & I love how you don't hide the reality of tandem b/f, it means for those who would like to do it can be more prepared. Thanks so much for letting us be involved in your journey I hope you continue to post.
:goodluck2: with your toddler & solids, big
Things have been difficult, my newborn is increasingly showing signs of what i suspect is silent reflux - based on my knowledge of my toddler who had reflux himself - i am seeing the same things happening.... he is pulling off during feeding, only having very short feeds - 1-2 mins in length before becoming distressed - poking his tongue out, gagging and crying in pain. I first thought it was a wind issue but my toddler was exactly like this and he had reflux so i am thinking it may be that. This is making things very difficult because he is feeding for such a short time, becomes distressed, then takes ages to settle, mostly involving holding him upright and rubbing his back. During this time my toddler is demanding the boob because he saw my newborn have it and im not even able to divert his attention much because i have to console my newborn. Sometimes the hug-a-bub helps, sometimes not, i often have to change his position several times in this case the HAB is just annoying. So my toddler is frustrated, but i'm doing my best, spending that time helping him with puzzles, playing trains - anything we can do sitting on the floor where i don't need my hands much basically.
Night times are crazy at the moment - we ended up having to move our toddler in to his own room because our newborn was waking him up all through the night and he was getting upset and not able to get back to sleep. The downside of this though is my toddler is now down the other end of the house and is waking 2-3 times for a quick feed/re-settle in the night - so in between feeding my newborn, i'm walking down there, getting in to his bed, feeding him and falling asleep there - until i hear my newborn (in our room) crying, i go back up there and feed/burp him and then fall asleep again... repeat cycle all night! The frustrating thing is my newborn will only sleep on his tummy, so to get him off to sleep i lie him on my tummy for burp and we both fall asleep like that - i'm not keen on this for the safety factor and also because i don't sleep very well. He seems to just catnap as well, around the clock - another thing i suspect is due to reflux because thats exactly how my toddler was - it means i'm just constantly feeding, re-settling and theres no real time where he has a stretch of sleep unless i put him on his tummy - but that means i have to watch him and i don't get anything done - thank god for foxtel though!
In regards to my toddlers food eating - i am still encouraging food before BF's so he has started eating a bit more food, but he is still wanting/having many BF's, probably about 10 a day. I'm feeling reassured he's getting all he needs nutritionally though and so am not as stressed about him picking at or refusing meals - since i've become less stressed about it he seems more accepting of eating, probably because i'm not making a big deal about it like i was. So a lesson learned there.
As for leaving the house - its hard... tried to go shopping the other day and my newborn needed 3 feeds in a 2 hour period, just so very difficult - especially with my toddler who just wants to get out of the pram or knock things off shelves - so for a while i think i'll be housebound, its just so much easier to manage the feeding at home where i can relax.
One good thing is my toddler's jealousy is a bit better, he's not so offended when i'm feeding the newborn and he has to wait... i still feed them both at the same time if my toddler is desperate, but usually i try to avoid that because he usually knocks the newborn off
So 3 weeks + in now... its been so much more challenging than i thought, but a huge part of that is not so much the feeding but just the fact of having 2 children 2+ and under! I am getting there though.... i'll admit in my delirium i mentioned the "f" word to my hubby but he quickly talked me out of it which i'm grateful for! He's so supportive.
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Our Tandem Feeding Journey
DS2 is also only 65g under his birth weight now on day 3.5 so it is obviously nourishing him!
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what a wonderful achievement! WTG on getting around possible problems with DS1.
It started with rejecting breakfast, then having 1 bite of lunch and in recent days refusing dinner as well. I have tried everything - favourite foods, yoghurt and fruit smoothies, pureed fruit on toast. I've been offering several options each time but he just does not want to eat. Instead he asks for the boob - he is currently feeding as much as my newborn! I've been trying to research just how much food toddlers do need and while i know Bm is liquid gold, i do think he needs to be eating some food... yesterday all he ate was a bit of bread and grated cheese (separately
)..... So i'm not sure what to do at this point, those i've spoken to who tandem didn't have this happen.
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