thanks ladies for your replies.

We do room share - all of us, and do half co-sleep. Not something I try to do, but more like I bring her to bed to feed her and am then too tired to put her back or fall asleep feeding - one big problem I know that when I get so tired, she falls asleep nipple in mouth and I only notice when I go to roll over about 2 hours later (shakes head).
And because of DD1 I dont get the option of catching up on sleep during the day like I did when DD1 was a bub.
I had been trying to get lots more feeds during the day - basically offering every 1 - 1/2 hours depending on what else was going on in the house / with DD1, but she really hasn't seemed interested. And I do try and feed "away" from activity when I can.
In my "I'm getting to be really cranky and beyond it" state yesterday, I gave her a bottle of EBM and because I don't have a huge stash, mixed it with some regular milk - I know that with DD1 I was told not till 12 months, but I figure she is already having it on her wheetbix in the morning without incident anyway. And over the course of the day she drank 100 ml in addition to her normal BF. Perhaps she really was hungry? Surprised me though, because she eats HEAPS - as much as or sometimes more than her 2yo sister!
I hadn't been giving dream feeds - basically becasue I figured that she would be away in an hour or two anyway. But last night I planned to give her a dream feed just before I went to bed, but she woke up anyway, so had an awake feed (and of course didn't want to go back to sleep!), and then I got DH to put her to bed - which did work amazingly.
She did wake around 3 hours later but resettled for about an hour when I gave in - too tired to argue.

Santosha - 11-4. Yep, aiming for that, really going to try and work towards that - like your strategy. And I really appreciated your comment:
QUOTE: I really battled with deciding to do this as it's 'tougher' and less respectful than I hold to be ideal... but I also knew we had reached the point where my mental state was also causing stress to both children
as this is too what I am struggling with. But I realised that I am becoming a bit too cranky for my liking, and I don't want to be taking it out on DD1 (who is now entering the age of defiance and boundary testing - a whole other story) either.

Lulu -
loved thses bits:
QUOTE: I love the suggestions by CHNs of feeding them more during the day. Like you wouldn't have already tried that!
that and the "Drop the dreamfeed - give a dream feed" comment too!

So, just struggling with one other thing...
Not quite sure how I feel about giving her the bottle. Yes I am, I feel a bit like a failure.
My plan with DD1 was to BF to 18 months, we didn't quite get that far, got to 15 months, she was only on one or two BF a day, and at that point I was pg with DD2 and my milk really did just seem to stop with the pg, so I didn't feel too bad about stopping.
In the beginning, with DD2 my plan was to BF to 18 months again, but I have always felt like she would wean early - from her direction, not mine, because she is just so uninterested in it (unless for comfort I am sure). I jokingly said once that she will have weaned before she is 1, and I am just forcing her to take it, but after giving her the bottle and regular milk too, I feel like I am probably going down that path. *sigh*