So, my BF'ing journey has been a frustrating, wonderful, bumpy road. After two breast reductions, I had no success BF'ing DD1, little success BF'ing DS and now... DD2 is 3 next month and I can't get her off the boob!! I'm ready, but she is not. I told my mum the other day that if DD2 has her way, our special mother/daughter time on her wedding day will be a breast feed before she walks down the aisle! I told DH that I am a BF'ing success! If you average it out, I BF over a year for each baby - which was always what I thought was the 'right' age to wean. Little did I know.
DD2 is in love with my boobs. She loves to hold them, snuggle them and to feed from them - despite the fact that I suspect I don't have a whole lot of milk any more. Just enough to taste good I reckon. But I've had enough. I'm tired of her groping at my boobs, trying to drag them out of my top, pushing her head into my chest in the middle of the supermarket. Mostly, I've had enough of not being able to snuggle my little munchkin without my boobs being involved. And I'm starting to feel that I'm not her mummy, I'm just a good set of tits.
But I've never had to wean! I've tried distracting her, redirecting her and flat out telling her 'no'. She either becomes upset and breaks her little heart or she is frustrated and starts snatching at my chest crying 'Boooooboooooo mummeeee, peeeeeeaaaaaase!!'. And then there's night time. We co-sleep and I have started to wear a bra at night - putting a 'padlock on the fridge'. We have the same tussle over my boobs several times a night. I have tried slowly cutting back her feeds but the girl is persistent.
sounds like you are fed up! I have never weaned either so I don't know! I fed DD1 until 3.5yrs and she weaned herself, and DD2 is still feeding. It sounds like to me the issue is with all the other constant groping that I can imagine is really frustrating, so maybe you could start with setting some limits there before taking away feeds altogether? Explain that you don't like her grabbing your boobs, it makes you feel frustrated/hurts/makes you uncomfortable or whatever. I would physically stop her doing it each time while gently explaining until she gets it. And maybe also some limits around when you will feed her. I did cut DD1 down to one feed a day after DD2 was born. I would just tell her you can have booby at nap time but we can have a cuddle now. And I would also sometimes have to limit the length of feeds if it was dragging on and frustrating me. I would just say 'I'm going to count to 10 now and then you have to hop off'. She coped better with some warning.
I was just thinking that maybe if you can set some limits around feeding now that it will be easier to wean. And also that even if you did wean it doesn't mean the obsession with your boobs and the touching will stop anyway, lol, so maybe try and change that first?
Don't know if any of that was helpful but good luck!! xx
Personally I would focus on getting her to stop the behaviours you don't like, but maybe still let her feed once or something, use it as a bargaining tool. I say that because my 4 year old weaned by her choice at 22 months but still I can't get a cuddle without her trying to touch them. It drives me mad, but she finds them such a comfort, I just work on only allowing at certain times. So weaning may work but you might find she still does alot of the grabbing, hands down top thing even if not feeding and I often think I would rather be feeding her than just being groped. DS I have night weaned ok, I think was Jay Gordon has a method but basically I just picked till 5:30AM and if he wanted a feed before then would only get cuddles and water, just had to keep refusing a few nights to a week and he seemed to get message.
moving to set feeds can help. and then drop these feeds one at a time. this way you are not always saying no, and then giving in but rather saying 'not now, we will have a feed after lunch'.
do you have s partner who can help overnight? rolling over with your back to her overnight, or letting your partner help settle overnight could work.
Congrats on doing such a great job Nickle! I have just weaned DD but it was a very gradual, almost mutual thing. I gently encouraged her to drop feeds and draw out the times between feeds for probably a year. We were down to just a bedtime and overnight feed. I felt empty and my boobs hurt after a few minutes of sucking so I would have to stop her feeding and then she'd start groping lol. I talked to her a lot about how she was a big girl now and big girls drink milk from a cup. Every time she asked for boob, I offered a drink of water or milk in a cup first. Sometimes she accepted that. Other times, she was happy with a cuddle and grope. Overnight, I always tried to resettle her without it and sometimes it worked but usually not. One night a few weeks ago, she wanted milk in a cup during the night, I couldn't believe it. Then another night we were at PIL's and they were talking to DS about having a sleepover. Well she decided that she wanted to have a sleepover too. DH told her that she couldn't have a sleepover unless she stopped having boobie. Well that was it. She hasn't had it since! She had milk in a cup that night. Didn't need it overnight. In the morning she asked for milk in a cup! Then she said "I have sleepover at Nanna Poppy's?". LOL. She asked for it a fair bit but I just gently pushed her to having milk in a cup. Sometimes she cried but only for a couple of minutes. Then she was happy to just cuddle & grope. Next step is to cut down the groping. If she pinches I remove her hand and remind her to be gentle so she's not too bad now. As a bonus, she has also started sleeping through the night about 2 out of 3 nights now. She is in her own bed but usually came into ours about midnight. Now it's about 5am which is pretty much wake up time for her usually anyway. Good luck!
What a success you are! Guess you never thought you'd be here....
The key is basically in line with what you're doing - set boundaries, be firm and enforce them. She will be upset about it because she doesn't want to stop and that won't change over night. But if you need to finish now, then maybe think of it like anything else that she wants that you feel you need to say no to. No doubt there are other things she tantrums and gets upset about (if she's a typical child). How do you handle those times?
Hang in there. It can take some time, and it can be hard work, but you'll both get there
My DD is nearly 3 and we're (mostly) down to 1 feed at bedtime. I'd be happy to stop but not quite at the point where I *have* to. She certainly isn't ready
Thank you for taking the time to respond, ladies. You're right, MadB, I never, ever thought I would be posting about how to convince my almost-3 year old to stop Bf'ing! You have all mostly reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing by setting boundaries and being gentle but firm. Today I have told DD2 that she can have a feed at bed time tonight but not during the day because she is a big girl and mummy's boobs are tired. She has grizzled a bit but was happy to sit this afternoon with her hand down my bra whilst we had a snuggle. She has told me that she 'will have boobie at bed time because I big girl now'. I'm happy to cut down to one feed per day for a while before stopping completely, as long as I can get DD to understand that that doesn't give her license to drag my top off me at whim to get to my breasts. Her language and comprehension skills are great, so there is no reason for her not to understand the boundaries.
I have thoroughly enjoyed our BF'ing journey, but Yules, your use of the word 'violated' really resonated with me. She is my child and she is breast feeding, but that doesn't give her the right to access or expose my body when I say 'no'. She is old enough to understand the rules, even if she can't grasp the reasoning. And yes, I do offer her the same rights and control over her own body. Lots for me to think about there!
Thank you all again for taking the time to respond.
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How do I wean??
sounds like you are fed up! I have never weaned either so I don't know! I fed DD1 until 3.5yrs and she weaned herself, and DD2 is still feeding. It sounds like to me the issue is with all the other constant groping that I can imagine is really frustrating, so maybe you could start with setting some limits there before taking away feeds altogether? Explain that you don't like her grabbing your boobs, it makes you feel frustrated/hurts/makes you uncomfortable or whatever. I would physically stop her doing it each time while gently explaining until she gets it. And maybe also some limits around when you will feed her. I did cut DD1 down to one feed a day after DD2 was born. I would just tell her you can have booby at nap time but we can have a cuddle now. And I would also sometimes have to limit the length of feeds if it was dragging on and frustrating me. I would just say 'I'm going to count to 10 now and then you have to hop off'. She coped better with some warning.
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