I feel for you hun, I BF my daughter who had severe reflux, and in the end I had PND and was crying before and during every feed as she wouldn't stay on as had pain association with me, I was devastated to stop, but in the end she was losing weight and for both of us, stopping was the best thing to do. I had seen, lactation consultants,rung the ABA numerous times, seen midwives, mchn and doctors and still could not get her breastfeeding successfully. I cried and I even saw a counsellor about it because I was so upset. In the end you have to do what is best for you and your baby. Your baby has received the best start from you by getting your milk for this long. You have done a great job, please don't be hard on yourself.