The myth about "toughening" your nipples is a ridiculous old wives tale. All you'll do is damage your nipples, or make existing damage worse.

The best way to deal with nipple pain is to get help to make sure your attachment is correct, and then persevere, persevere, persevere. I certainly don't think Lansinoh or similar products will make your nipples "too soft" - I think the opposite is true, that keeping them moist and supple will help them deal with the pressure of breastfeeding.

FWIW, DW had terrible pain for the first six weeks BF DD1, moderate pain for the first few weeks BF DD2, and some minor pain for the first week BF DD3. It does get better, and it's worth the struggle.