When FF is looking more appealing than BF what did you do? BF problems

[MummaBee]

Hi everyone DD is 10 weeks old and exclusively BF, she feeds every 2-3 hrs through the day and was sleeping through 9-5ish She is now waking for 3 feeds in that 9-5 now and to be honest I feel like giving up, I am also having issues with feeding in public she hates being covered and I hate getting my boobs out for everyone to see. I do it anyway but It's not getting any easier which I thought it would by now.

I am a part of a mothers group who all had babies the same time and all 4 are FF babies ,much larger and sleeping through!
Everytime I feed her in the last week she tears on and off getting increasingly frustrated and crying until let down which is becoming longer and longer as I get upset. When she finally gets letdown she feeds for 2-4 minutes then is ready for the next side is that normal? I never feel full ever!!!! I havnt leaked in weeks and now that shes waking constantly overnight I feel like this may not be the best option for us. She is gaining weight, just incredibly demanding I cant hold her without her chucking a tantrum because she wants to feed.
I have bought some formula to try thinking about giving her a bottle before bed tommorrow night seeing If that helps with her sleeping.

Has anyone else been through this but still had a successful BF relationship? I know for us to succeed I have to change my views. What did you do to change your view of Breast feeding because I have read all the studies and breast is best and honestly FF is still looking more appeling?

[Ginger]

well for starters, ff doesn't help them with their sleeping. why else does ff seem so appealing to you?

[delphmoon]

Luv. Do what you need to do

Maybe first, Can I suggest maybe talking to the ABA or your lactation consultant to see if they can give you some ideas and support.

FFing isnt always the easiest option. When I went back to work I stopped BFing DD and it went from 1-2 breastfeeds per night to 3-4 formulas :O

At the same time, you need to do what feels right for you....thats the most important thing.

Big I know how frustrating it can be

[MummaBee]

I guess I feel more comfortable with the I can see what shes getting and Its not as upsetting for us waiting for let down and I wont have to stay in the house so much because I feel uncomfortable getting the boob out. Maybe even DP could help me

[delphmoon]

I guess I feel more comfortable with the I can see what shes getting and Its not as upsetting for us waiting for let down and I wont have to stay in the house so much because I feel uncomfortable getting the boob out. Maybe even DP could help me

Yes, I understand what your saying about the knowing how much milk she is getting part. Are you concerned about your supply?
And I understand the breastfeeding in public part too- I couldnt get passed it

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

I'd say pretty much all of us have been through it. Know this: Mothers lie about sleep. There is such enormous pressure to get your baby sleeping through that women feel that they have to lie about it. It is simply normal for babies to feed 2-3 hourly - kind of like what we do (count the times in 24 hours you put something into your mouth - they tell us to have 6-8 glasses of water a day, for starters don't they?)
It's normal that your breasts feel just soft and normal after the first few week. and larger babies? Why is that a good thing, with the epidemic of obesity we are facing. Hang out in places that breastfeeding is normal - you could do no better than to join the Australian Breastfeeding Association. Mothers seem more prepared to be honest there.
Formula fed babies get sick more often and for longer. Its an important consideration when thinking of turning to formula

[MummaBee]

Thanks ladys the main thing here is Bub and I honestly want to whats best for her, its difficult when I start to second guess whats best. I guess I should just stop comparing others to my own.

[surprised]

Hugs hun. Breastfeeding has been one of the hardest experiences of my life, and I certainly understand where you're coming from. I remember lying in the emergency department with mastitis that needed iv antibiotics begging for a drug that would dry my milk up. Fortunately i had a wise nurse who was very evasive in her reply and went on to express for a year.

Honestly, one of the things that kept me going when things got really hard was looking at the ingredients on the tin of formula in the cupboard (ds needed a special formula so I had a tin in case of emergency). It was so processed and artificial that i couldn't bring myself to use it. I don't say this as a crticism of those who use it- i'm just telling you the rhing that got me through.

[Amaunet]

Thanks ladys the main thing here is Bub and I honestly want to whats best for her, its difficult when I start to second guess whats best. I guess I should just stop comparing others to my own.

Breastfeeding IS what's best for her (a long as its also working for you) Some reasons (IMO) to keep BF - (as long as that is what YOU want)
* Babies sleep patterns change so frequently as they grow and become more aware and awake. BF or FF won't change this.
* Most of my mothers group are also FF - but lots of those babies are not regularly sleeping through the night and they are dealing with other issues such as constipation etc.
* Those babies are having growth spurts/wonderweeks the same as my BF baby - but they can't just breastfeed for comfort like I can
* There are also lots of colds and flu type bugs around at the moment- my milk is making antibodies that protect my gorgeous boy - FF doesn't do that either!
* We have also just had issues with eColi in the water - made me VERY grateful to be BF!

I LOVE BF (most of the time) but understand not everyone does.

YOU are doing an awesome job! Have faith in your body and its ability to give your baby all it needs - BUT if FF is what is best for you and your health (mental and/or physical) - then its OK to make that decision - and only you can make it

[Smoke Jaguar]

I read an interesting thing the other week (some of you will recognise where it's from), that breastfeeding is not just a biological reality - in humans it is very much a learned skill. In the past women knew about breastfeeding and how to do it, because they saw it. They saw their mothers BF, their older sisters, aunts, neighbours. Part of the reason we have lost that ability to start breastfeeding and stick to it is because it's been taken from our sight - into parenting rooms, under covers and into private spaces (especially since the glorification of the 'nuclear family', which is not a natural phenomenon at all in human history). No-one I know (and I know introverts and extroverts of all persuasions!) who breastfeeds ever does it to get some gratification from exposure. Therefore, I can't believe in the concept of 'discreet breastfeeding' because I don't know anyone who is INdiscreet about it - they are just feeding their babies, and any other concept overlaid on it is done by other people. You can never control what other people are going to think. People will think things even when you are covering up as much as possible - the very fact that you are breastfeeding, or breastfeeding outside of the home will be enough to send judgment flying your way. Are you going to alter your plans for setting up your baby's biological protections and emotional wellbeing based on things people MIGHT and DO think that you have no control over? That, if explained to your baby, would be met with a quizzical look, followed by a "just feed me" look? Judgment comes from small minds and what you are doing is much, much bigger than they are

[chody47]

How is it all going MummaBee?

I just wanted to say, that a lot of what you are saying sounded just like the thoughts rolling around in my head when DD was about 3 months old. I'd just started going to my mothers group and TBH, I envied how 'easy' FF seemed. I was always worried about whether DD was getting enough milk and I hated BF in public. TBH, I often wished for an excuse not to BF (e.g. I was hoping someone would tell me DD wasn't putting on enough weight). I will add that my husband had an extremely big accident when DD was 9 weeks old, and could literally do nothing for himself, so I'm sure some of my feelings (especially with how 'easy' it seemed) had something to do with the added stress of this. Anyway, I gave DD her first bottle of formula one night when DD was in hospital (again) at about 18 weeks (I was sooo tired and DD was screaming when I was offering boob, I literally felt at my wits end and I was all alone with no one to help ). I felt so guilty, yet also relieved. By 6 months she was fully weaned (I didn't plan for this to happen, DD just started to prefer the bottle). Whilst I felt a relief at the time, I now look back on it and wish I tried harder. I'm really hoping that next time I am able to BF for longer. DD started childcare at 6 months (when I went back to work) and has had so many colds since. I often wonder if I could have prevented that by BF for longer....
Anyway, I think you need to do whatever feels right for you and your baby at the time. You have been given lots of excellent advice above if you want to continue BF. I'm sure you will also find lots of support if you decide not to.

[lee09]

I struggled with this for many months while I comp fed - my BF journey wasn't anything like I had wanted or expected. Eventually I moved to FF when DS was about 21 weeks. Although I wouldn't say I regret my decision exactly (because I really, really struggled with it and took months to make the change), I still grieve the end of our BF relationship and look back and wonder if there was more I could have done to save it.

I think it's important to follow your instincts on this one, and I guess the positives of FF were, for me, it was easier to establish a routhine for DS because I knew when he was tired vs hungry, and it eliminated the anxiety and stress I was feeling about my supply, the nipple damage and pain, and having an unsettled/unhappy baby. But even with all that, I still feel very sad that I didn't breastfeed for longer.

[Rainbow_Mumma]

the twins are the only ones of mine we made it past 8 weeks we made it to almost 9 months.
the boys didnt sleep i was bf them BOTH 2 hourly day and night and not always together very tiring i tell you!
now they are ff since refusing to feed anymore and its solved nothing on average i get up 7-9 times a night and i really miss feeding them.


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[Smoke Jaguar]

More appealing for you or for your baby? I got through thinking about my baby. I had a baby with tongue tie and he was lacerating my nipples for 4 weeks before the tie was snipped, and it took another good 6 weeks for his attachment to improve. I went through nipping mastitis in the bud a few times and nipple vasospasm (he was a winter baby, didn't help!). When he was in my belly I honestly had no idea how I would go feeding in public. When the time came (he was 2 weeks old and I was in a doctors surgery) I realised that as much as someone might 'see', they weren't going to 'look' and take out a video camera, and if they were going to get an issue about it it wasn't about me, but about their own issues. I wasn't going to NOT feed my child on the basis that a grown person had issues with something that was normal and biological, when my baby had a body that knew exactly what it needed to grow properly and knew exactly when he needed what amount. I couldn't argue with that or reason with that in order to satisfy someone's potential issue with my feeding. When you 'get your boobs out', you're really only getting one boob out, and it's not really 'out', it's in a baby's mouth, or aiming for it. Anyone who has a problem with it is old enough to know better and deal with it by themselves.
I co-slept with my babies (still sleeping with the 2yo) and my eldest fed every hour or 1.5hrs. If I'd had to get up to a cot or another room it would have done my head in, but he was right there and I barely woke for those feeds, so we both got great sleep.
Most of my MG was FF early on and I was most definitely the last one standing. I was grateful to have my ABA group that I met with more regularly anyway. Like-minded women, many with babies around the same age, too, so we could support each other through our issues and celebrate our successes (even if that meant just one more week resisting formula!).
You don't have to be a subscriber of ABA to go to the meetings (though subscribing helps send trainee counsellors in your area through the rest of their course) and get all the benefits of being in such a group. The ABA website has a group finder if you look for the Contact Us link.
So many of my friends got through their BF issues by going along to their local groups.
I also thought about it this way - these first years are such a blip on the timescale of my children's lives that I could put myself out for it and be able to look back and think "It felt like forever at the time and now look at my children, all independent and leaving home". And nothing beats the feeling of getting to six months exclusive BFing and high fiving yourself for getting through it.
My DS is still having a feed now and then and due to lose first teeth this year, when I expect his body's reflex will be to lose the sucking ability. That was not my BFing aim and now that I'm at this point it really feels like it was definitely worth the pain, the tears, the anguish. DD is showing no signs of weaning, and we've had our own share of BFing issues. Worth it

[Rainbow_Mumma]

as long as shes gaining wet and has wet and dirty nappies shes getting enough.
can you try hand expressing before a feed to help with let down?

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[peanutter]

try not to compare, as it's impossible to know what exact factors might be the ones impacting their bubs ... is it formula, or more feeds, or genetics, or something else altogether ...

try also not to beat yourself up - you've just had a baby, you're getting used to having two babies, recovering from the birth, and getting used (again!) to feeding, waking at night, millions of nappies, and all the rest of it ...

and then talk with your DH, and decide what is best for you and your daughter.

personally, as I only had a short time of maternity leave I expressed quite a bit and DH did one of DS's feeds from the day he was born - so I always, *always* had the option to get at least one decent few hours of sleep (as even if I got up to express, you can do that almost asleep...). it made a wonderful difference for us. it worked for us. that might not work for you.

if your DD is having a growth spurt and just needing extra milk for a few weeks, staying in a routine and keeping to breastmilk would obviously be the best option for her, for her digestive system and immune system etc. she will go back to sleeping through before you know it.

is expressing something you'd be willing to give a crack? that way your DD can keep having breastmilk, but you can get some reasonable rest, if your DH does either the last night or first morning feed ... ?

there are potential down sides with formula feeding, as I'm sure you'll already know. but it's understandable for it to be tempting when you're tired and sore and wanting to sleep etc. you're not a bad person or a bad mother if you comp feed.

have a good solid think about what you want, what you can do, how you'll feel about the different options, and how long you're prepared to try different things. talk with your DH. talk to the ABA to get some tips from them too. don't make ultimatums or hard and fast rules for yourself, but do have a flexible plan in place.

big hugs whatever you decide

just listen to others' ideas and opinions, then decide what works for your family.

[*EJ*]

Hi Mummabee sounds like you have been doing so well with your little one.

Even though i've bf my 3 i will leave the feeding advice to some well informed ladies who i'm sure you will hear from very soon.

I do however want to say that it's only natural for bub to go backwards and forwards with the lengths between feeds day and night. 9-5ish was pretty awsome!! Each baby is different and with my DS1 he slept really well, but DS2 was a little more demanding and DD even more so. I promise you it is so much easier to relax and go with what your bub wants than it is to fight it. Try not to compare your bub to other bubs whether they are bf, ff, waking, sleeping through or anything else. Your DD is an individual and doing what she is doing for a reason. She might just want a hug from mum and yes you are probably exhausted but enjoy those hugs while you can because before you know it they'll be fewer and further between. My DD is 14 months old and only just now starting to sleep 7-8 hours a night

With the feeding in public yes it's tricky, it may get easier. It did for me now with #3 i have no problem with it . I have always done my best to be discreet, i stick to clothing that is easy access. I tend to wear the breastfeeding singlets under whatever it is i'm wearing so when i lift my top up to be able to feed my belly is still covered by the singlet. I wonder if this may help you? Mine never liked to be covered either, they were way too interested in knowing what was going on around them

Definately speak to ABA about the let down, the lenghts of feeds and knowing DD is getting enough. I'm sure they'll be able to reasure you it is all pretty much to be expected.

If you would like help from your DH maybe express some feeds and then he can feed your DD with EBM in a bottle?

For me with bfing DS1 i had a goal of making it to 3 months and then when we got there i thought, ok maybe we can now make it to 6 months and we did and once we got to 6 months bfing was second nature and all the difficult times in those early mothers were long gone. We fed through till 13 months. DS2 was 14 months and DD we are almost at 15 months.

As you have said yourself if bfing is what you want to do you do need to change for feelings/attitude towards it. For me i love breastfeeding, it has been tough but something i always wanted to fight for during those tough times.

Only you know what you want, what you're comfortable with and you DD will be telling you exactly what she wants. She is still so young, this being out in the big wide world is so new to her as is you being a mum.

Listen to yourself and your DD


In the time it's taken me to write this there are many more posts, i hope i'm not repeating too much of what everyone else has said

[MummaBee]

I had never thought of the singlet idea I love it and am doing it tommoz lol I have one but i will buy more