I think it's time to start the weaning process :( epic tale here

[leckert]

Not quite sure what I'm wanting to ask here but I'll start with the current story.

DS is just over 2 years old (+1 month). BFing until at least 2 years was my goal; after that I was we'll see how things are going.

Just after DS's birthday the three of us headed off on a family holiday for 2 weeks, staying in motels for most of the time (a couple of nights with relatives). DS transitioned to a single bed at this point from his cot as we couldn't be bothered trying to organise portacots for him (we couldn't take ours as we were flying and it was too heavy for the plane with everything else you have to take). This went fine - no side rail on the bed and only fell out once . However, because we weren't at home and not in regular locations DS was waking up a bit more (used to wake 1-2 times a night before the holiday) now it was 2-4 times and I felt compelled to feed him to keep him quiet so we didn't disturb the other people at the motels (we were in different motels most nights). Since we got home he has stayed in a single bed and not the cot

But the hard part is he now wants to feed for 1hr+ at a time overnight. He's had a bit of separation anxiety since getting home. We were with him basically 24/7 for two weeks and came back to childcare and daddycare during the week and hasn't dealt really well with that as much as I thought he would. He is getting a little better now and not quite as bad as he was the first week. He's still generally waking up 2 times a night but instead of settling quickly for a short feed and back to sleep, I'm now a human dummy and I can't seem to leave him down without him waking up and screaming the house down. It doesn't seem to matter if I was feeding him in the chair or if I was feeding laying down next to him in his bed. I can't just lay next to him to settle him down, it has to be a feed - so I can't just roll over and have my back facing DS and both go to sleep If I get tired of feeding him (basically touched out) or my nipples get the irrits with him all hell starts to break loose.

DH hasn't been that supportive - he wanted me to stop feeding DS at night a while ago, but DS only has a feed in the late afternoon (and doesn't always ask for this one) and nighttime. I started to leave DS after about 1 hr and making DH go in to try and settle him so I can get some sleep (so I can function at school with some not so nice teenagers). But DS has epic meltdowns (not just your average run of the mill toddler trantrums but major ones - impossible to calm ones) lately so I end up getting up to feed again as there is no way I can sleep through it. DS is clearly tired - rubbing his eyes so much so that they're huge red circles around the whole eye area. He's also biting at CC - doesn't anywhere else unless he's tired at home. Last night it was over two hours before he went back down to sleep after his wake up (only one but ) I feed for an hour then got irritated - kicked DH out of bed eventually to see him (DH prefers the idea of CIO while I'm into the gentle parenting stuff for everything; DH's okay with it for most things except sleep) as DS was getting more upset, not at meltdown stage yet but as soon as DH went in meltdown started. He tried to calm DS down but didn't really manage to get far with it, ended up bringing DS back to me and I ended up feeding for 5-10 min before I couldn't cope anymore so DH took DS back again and I went to bed. I have no idea when he came back to bed as this time I made sure the door was definitely shut but it was at least 2 hours after DS had initally woken up (because that's when I went back to bed). DS probably would have still been attached if I'd let him. When DH came to get DS for the 2nd time, he kindly asked, "how long are we doing this for?" - this really annoyed me as I'd only really started getting him up to see to DS since we'd come home so only about 2 weeks.

One of the CC carers had a chat with me today about DS as he bit 4 times today and when he bites, he holds on for dear life - the carer had to pull him off another child by the back of his shirt and release his grip at his jaw while another parent was in the room. She suggested it might be time to drop the night feeds. (I was rather fragile at this point - tearing up as soon as she mentioned the biting - not the stopping feeding). I'll be writing another thread about ending the biting tips elsewhere on BB.

Basically I need sleep! I'm fragile emotionally at the moment because of the lack of sleep and my students at school seem to be bearing the brunt of a lot of it which I'm not proud of. I'm also not getting enough planning and marking done for school and I'm feeling the pressure there because by the time DS goes to sleep I'm done for the day and have no energy to think about even the bare minimum of school work that I've brought home. (and we're also sort of TTC #2 as well)


I think I need suggestions on how to go about the weaning process.
Some things which may or may not impact on suggestions

• DS refuses to drink cow's milk (not fussed about that as we tend not to drink straight milk)
• DS refuses to use a dummy (okay with this usually as I know I won't have to try and take it away later)
• DS won't take a bottle of water overnight (in a milk bottle bottle)
• apparently DS will sometimes take watered down juice with DH at night out of a sippy cup (he did the other night when I was tired of attempting to feed to sleep about 4 sides and about 1 hr of feeding)
• he's not eating a huge amount for tea most nights - we try to eat around 5:30-6:00pm for DS - he won't eat unless at least one of us is eating with him and this is soon after I get home with him from CC

I know I shouldn't go cold turkey with the weaning because of mastitis but I've not really got any ideas how to try to go about the whole thing.
I know I should be aiming to drop a feed a week but I'm not sure how to do this. (DS dropped the day feeds by himself by refusing his EBM bottles for DH. I was only epressing once a day at that point so it wasn't hard).
I've told DH he's getting up to DS first and not me tonight to see if he can settle DS down first without a feed. (the ironic thing about this is DH used to be a light sleeper and me a deep sleeper and now it's reversed with DH not realising I'd gotten up to DS until I'm coming back to bed)
But what to do next after this I'm not sure.

[onthefly]

Tough!!
First, are you planning to wean completely or just at night? (or is he only feeding at night now?)
At this age, you really don't need to replace with milk, adn I would avoid dummies and bottles. Will he take a sippy cup of water, or straw cup or something else? Probably best to avoid sugary stuff at night too if you can.
You and your DH need to sit down together and plan this out - it doesn't sound liek you're going to be able to do this alone. Make a plan you can agree on and agree to stick to it for at least 4 days before reassessing. It will take time (and generally gets worse before it gets better). Factor in his separation anxiety too, you don't want to exacerbate it.

Some ideas:
Make rules - only feed between certain hours, for eg. "Boobies sleep at nighttime", or something like that. "we only feed after x time"
Push back/delay feeds - Hold out as long as you can. Often the first part of the night is easiest, so what can work is get DH to take care of him till, say, 1am or whatever, then feed and take over. Gradually push back that time.
Cut feeds shorter and shorter - some find this works, as they stop bothering to wake for it.
Talk about it - Make a weaning/sleep book with pictures of your son, detailing your new sleep plan. Talk him through what you're going to do and what you expect from him - it will take many iterations, but they eventually 'get' it.
Substitute - Water, cuddles, whatever. Again, talk about it.

I night weaned at 14 months. We did the delay/push back strategy, with lots of help from DH. Plus a no night time feeds 'rule'. DS resisted, very strongly, and screamed the place down for several nights. Then it got easier. It took 2 weeks for it to stick and he stopped askign for milk during the night.

Good luck!

[leckert]

Thanks for those ideas. DS typically only has bedtime and night feeds with the occasional morning or day feed.
DS typically wakes for the first time around 2am.
Last night was semi-reasonable - feed for 3/4 hr both sides fall asleep on me (unattached) but when I put him down he woke, sent DH in to try to settle him didn't quite work but DS ended up climbing in with us but not having a feed, curled up next to me with patting on the bum went to sleep about 3:30 and didn't stir until just before 7 for a feed.
We haven't tried a sippy cup with water at night but I knew we shouldn't get the juice thing happening too often.
I think I really just want get rid of the middle of the night feed. He doesn't ask for a feed first thing in the morning often and I'm okay with giving him a bedtime feed still. I'm working on DH doing some more of the bedtime routine / getting to sleep stuff as he hasn't for a while because he seems to have a lot evenings out which DS didn't mind as he went to sleep then without a feed.