I've been able to bf, but it's been an incredible amount of hard work - and other ladies I know who have wored JUST as hard as me have not been able to produce enough milk for their little ones, and so have either done various combinations of BF, EBM and FF.

In fact, from my mothers group (or 14 mums and 1 dad) I am the *only*one still breastfeeding - some by choice, one because of tongue tie and then nipple rejection, and the rest because they just haven't had enough milk.

And I cannot possibly judge them at all, because if I knew I was doing anything I could do, and my DS still wasn't getting enough to keep him healthy, I would absolutely be looking for more options.

a longish example:

One good friend of mine was demand bf, and her DD was losing weight consistently, and the Drs, midwives etc encouraged her to express between feeds, but still not enough milk (expressing for up to an hour was producing 5-15ml, by which time her DD was hungry again) and demand feeding up to 15 times per day ...

The Drs ended up recommending that my friend do FF "top ups" but she refused, because other women in her life were very judgmental about FF, or using EBM from other mothers, etc, and had her convinced that if she just tried harder, she would get there.

A few times, I said to her that (while I also wanted - and plan - to exclusively BF for the first six months) if I was in her shoes and my baby was still losing weight after a week or so, I think I would do what the Dr said, and do the formula top ups. It wouldn't be my preference, but I don't think I personally could bear to see my LO losing weight when I knew I was already doing everything "right".

She agreed with me, but there were more (and louder) opinions coming from elsewhere, which blasted her into believing that not enough milk was still much preferable to introducing foods other than BM.

By week 9, they finally were in a routine, and her DD was bf, but was terribly underweight, and then had attachment issues and soon after got separation anxiety, because she was not used to being with anyone other than my friend, because they'd spent basically 9 weeks trying to feed ... she would even scream herself blue in the face if left alone with her father.

By week 10, her weight and lethargy was so terrible that my friend's DH put his foot down, and so they started feeding her with formula as well as BF (which was another horrible stage, trying to get her used to both nipple and bottle).

Their Dr has levelled with them, saying that it's unclear what (if any) long term damage may have been suffered by her DD due to not having enough to eat in those first weeks, and the negative effects might not be known for several months yet - leading to my friend having even more guilt, regret, recriminations from friends and family, etc.

Now my friend was absolutely doing what she thought was best - based on unhelpful, critical and/or ignorant "advice" of others.

I just wonder how different the relationship between my friend, her DH and her DD might be (and their current state of mind and emotions, as my poor friend now has suspected PND) if instead of criticism and judgment, she had a lot of lovely women around her cheering her on to do her best, and encouraging to do whatever her baby needed, when she was in such a tough position.

Having never walked in her shoes, why would I dare judge her, instead of crying with her, hugging her, and offering help?

and the point ...

I'm just me, and I only know what I went through, and what I had to do - and what did and didn't work. And I'm incredibly grateful that it did work for me. But I've seen first hand that it's not like that for everyone.

So ... while I don't agree with a lot of your comments, sonny, I hope this thread invites others to be grateful for what they have, and encourage others who have had a different journey.