hugs to you peanutter.

I'm wondering if continuity of care through a planned c/s might be helpful? What would you think about hiring your own independent midwife to help you achieve a positive c/s? Help you with skin to skin afterwards etc?

I know Cas McCullough has an excellent 'positive c/section' birth plan, would you be interested in a copy, you could borrow ideas and tailor it to your preferences.

I'm very sorry that your previous birth resulted in a fistula. Healing and de-briefing from that is a biggie too.

I agree with Melbournemama:
This is still your birth and you can still have some control. Make sure you take that control and feel like you have some power in this birth