Hi Skeetaboat
Sorry to hear that you have been so stressed. Although I havent had a CS I recently had surgery (in a private hospital) but fortunately managed to have a phone call consult with the anaesthetist and alerted him to my fears and he assured me of a calmative being administered. I was given an oral dose of valium and it was just truly amazing the difference it made to my demeanor. No stress and no anxiety AT ALL. My recovery was easy also.
This is NOT to say that this would be in any way similar to a CS but just the assurance of the treatment being available and then it actually being instigated made my 'process' a simple journey. No panic attack nor feelings that I may 'lose it' just prior to my procedure. I do suffer anxiety even under normal life situations but I did not want to be frightened in this situation.
Do you perhaps have a close friend or relative who has been through something similar that could perhaps be a mentor for you? Nothing worse also than feeling alone even if you have your husband nearby. They are a great support emotionally but sometimes they dont really understand those feelings of sheer panic and/or anxiety
Thinking of you ..