Hi Mummabear.

You have a few things weighing heavily that would move you in the direction of choosing the c/s:

- previous c/s - it's a known quantity for you
- the momentum of your caregivers - it's the path of least resistance
- you're tired and over it. Maybe more tired than you've ever been in your life right now.
- two healthy active pre-schoolers leaves you with little energy and time to focus on a possible path of greater resistance
- in the short term the c/s does seem like the easier road
- your own knowledge, as doula and m/w, if anything is likely to have a "reverse psychology" effect on you - and perversely , actually lean you in favour of the c/s.

I can understand that.

I can imagine how being so tired, and no doubt juggling and wrangling a bunch of other issues too, it would be easier to just say, "oh, whatEVER!!"

But even in this place of fatigue and feeling on the back foot about the whole thing, you know what, you have it in you to take a huge leap of faith and do something really radical. Even in our place of utter weakness, we women have something phenomenal in us that allows us to do this. You may feel like, "I don't have what it takes to do a VBAC and I don't have the time to obtain it" .... but I just want to encourage you: you can do it. Even from a place of weakness you can suddenly turn and wax stronger and scare the pants off your observers (and even yourself). Your body can do a VBAC. You are capable. Never mind physically - that's a given - but MENTALLY, emotionally, spiritually ... I believe you have the resources within you to do it. You wouldn't be where you are otherwise. You wouldn't be a mother of two and pregnant with a third if this were not so. It does not take very long for a woman who feels completely disempowered and cornered by her circumstances to find her roar, a flush of courage that makes her stand up and make a decision that gives others goose-bumps. Sometimes it only takes seconds. (I'm not suggesting that you are "disempowered", I'm just saying, as one who lived a huge chunk of her life that way, that it is even possible for women who are disempowered to access this strength within.)

This is not to advise or suggest that you should or could have a VBAC. The decision is yours alone. The reason I'm saying this, is because I want to remind you that the VBAC option is NOT out of the question for you. You know that saying, "If I don't know what my choices are, I don't have any"? When you know, deeply know, that you CAN have a VBAC, that your ARE able, you have the inner strength to do this - even in a condition of weakness - then it frees up your choices, and in the end, whatever you ultimately choose, you'll feel more peace about it.

Don't write yourself off for a VBAC darl. In your heart, choosing not because of current circs or on the basis of, or reaction against what any one else thinks, what do you really, really want? On a surface level, your weakness will say "FOR THIS TO ALL BE OVER OF COURSE!!!!" ..... but listen to the deeper song of your heart .... what do you really want?

Only you can know, only you can decide. That is your challenge.

Our challenge is to respect your choice.