So I'm off to see my anesthetist tomorrow due to the fact in two of the last three surgeries that I have had my heart hasn't played nicely... first was in my last c-section and second was in the second surgery I had after my c-section to clean out the infection I got... they have classed them as "heart blocks" and I'm sooooo worried that tomorrow they are going to say that I'll need to have a general and be put to sleep while they bring my baby into this world rather than a spinal block...


I'm so scared of this decision... I want to be awake when my baby is brought into this world, I want to be able to name him before he leaves the operating room... I was so upset in the last two c-sections when my partner and the baby exited the room while I got stitched up but at least I heard that first cry, I got to name my baby and spend a few minutes with them before they left...

It's almost like if I don't go and meet the anesthetist then maybe the decision won't be made... :-( not happy