Separated under same roof

**deletedit** · March 22nd, 2013, 09:52 AM

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**nothing2lose** · March 22nd, 2013, 10:02 AM

I lived with my ex as separated under same roof for a few months (years ago). We weren't friends, however...he just wouldn't move out!! Anyway, I had to go to CL and answer a million questions, get letters of support, sign a stat dec, etc. it was onerous, but doable.

With regards to Child Support, it doesn't quite work like that. For instance, at one stage I had custody - ex saw dd on weekends and I was going to have to pay him child support because of my wage. I dropped a day at work.

I think CSA have an estimator online which you can use to work out amounts. It may be complicated by the fact you are under same roof though. Perhaps give them a call and ask? They are generally pretty helpful, and you don't have to give your name.

**briggsy's girl** · March 22nd, 2013, 10:27 AM

It's all worked out on a case by case basis - lots of factors are taken into consideration. The presence or absence of a sexual relationship is a very minor consideration (many couples cease to engage in a sexual relationship for many reasons). There is a lot if investigation into the nature of the household and the reasons you continue to share a house

**deletedit** · March 22nd, 2013, 10:30 AM

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**deletedit** · March 22nd, 2013, 10:34 AM

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**TickToc** · March 22nd, 2013, 11:13 AM

I have no advice to offer but I would like to say how sad & disappointing it is that other people cannot be as sensible & considerate as you & your partner. It is rare that relationship breakdowns can be so peaceful. Well done on making calm & rational decisions that will ensure your children will never feel torn. I think it's great! Good luck with everything

**Mildez** · March 22nd, 2013, 11:24 AM

As for child support if you both have 50/50 care and your the larger income earner you will be entitled to pay your ex child support.
Goodluck with everything.

**briggsy's girl** · March 22nd, 2013, 12:10 PM

Funny that that is considered minor, it is the single biggest issue in our relationship, outweighing everything else by about 1000x and getting worse by the day.

Sex is only one aspect of a relationship. Financial, emotional and physical codependency is taken into account, as well as many other factors. That's why every case is assessed independently on its merits.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · December 23rd, 2013, 12:28 PM

How do I start this, if I'm already separated on their system? Professor will be moving back in soon, because he can't afford to be driving an hour each way to work. Living here he only has a 20 minute drive. And just to make it that bit harder, there's no spare rooms in this house now that my sister and her bub are living here. We live in an enclosed formal livingroom, and will now be partitioning it off for our own 'bedrooms'. So not sharing a bed, not sharing finances, just living under the same roof.

**LimeSlice** · December 23rd, 2013, 12:37 PM

How do I start this, if I'm already separated on their system? Professor will be moving back in soon, because he can't afford to be driving an hour each way to work. Living here he only has a 20 minute drive. And just to make it that bit harder, there's no spare rooms in this house now that my sister and her bub are living here. We live in an enclosed formal livingroom, and will now be partitioning it off for our own 'bedrooms'. So not sharing a bed, not sharing finances, just living under the same roof.

I think you are going to have a very difficult time convincing CL that you are not in a relationship, TBH. Him moving back in for financial reasons is going to be seen as financial codependency. The fact you are in the same bedroom will also be a hindrance.

**PumpkinZulu** · December 23rd, 2013, 12:59 PM

I think you are going to have a very difficult time convincing CL that you are not in a relationship, TBH. Him moving back in for financial reasons is going to be seen as financial codependency. The fact you are in the same bedroom will also be a hindrance.

It is REALLY hard. There's a lot of paperwork, and regular checks. You need to provide proof upon proof upon proof, and then some more, that the relationship is over. The fact that it's your parents house, so he'll essentially be living with his ex-in-laws makes it complex too. Get your hands on the forms, or call and have someone talk you through it. DH and I went through it all in 2011, only to decide that it would be easier to physically separate, which we did.

**briggsy's girl** · December 23rd, 2013, 01:45 PM

Make contact with c'link and let them know he has moved back in. Honestly, I would agree with the others. That his moving back in will make it very difficult to convince anyone you are separated. There are many aspects looked upon. Not sharing a bed isn't going to cut it as reason enough to deem you separated.

Playing devils advocate here, look at your situation from the outside. You have been trying to get payment for quite some time. He moves out for a couple of weeks and you get it granted, and he moves back in, to your parents/family home. He's not moving back int to a house you own together where you guys can't afford to not live together due to mortgage and inability to sell quickly. He is moving in with you and your parents. You still have joint financial commitments if your comments about giving him some if your new start to pay your share of bills is correct. You are still emotionally supporting him. And he you. It looks dicey. It quite probably isn't. But it LOOKS dicey.

Honestly, cutting travel time for him? People commute hours daily. An hour isn't unreasonable travel time. Hell, students can't get a living away from hime allowance unless they travel at least 90mins. A new start recipient has to accept a job up to 90 mins away.

Don't be surprised if it's not deemed a reason for separated under one roof. Sex (lack of) is most definitely not a reason to be deemed separated.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · December 23rd, 2013, 02:55 PM

Well I know we're separated, but I can't be bothered fighting for that and fighting for every other damn thing I'm entitled to, so I'll just tell them we're back together.

Thanks for your help peeps

**PumpkinZulu** · December 23rd, 2013, 03:39 PM

I think the main thing with separated under same roof, is that they want to know that there's no chance of reconciliation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you guys spend time together, talk, and planning eventual reconciliation, right? So I agree, I think just going back to partnered is the most honest and straightforward option for all involved.

**shellbell3** · December 23rd, 2013, 07:53 PM

Ex and I lived separated under one roof for about 8 months and I just couldn't be bothered with all the paperwork and also the drama of living with an ex. It was much easier and better to actually leave. The paperwork wants to know everything. Where everyone sleeps, who cooks meals, where you eat, who does what and when, do you share a bathroom, how you split the bills.

**ElleJay** · December 24th, 2013, 08:04 PM

XH and I are under the same roof - have been 'house sharing' for a couple months (he stays three nights with the kids, I stay with them for four) but over the school holidays we're trialling separated under the same roof (as I just can't afford to get my own place) - it's only been four days and already I want to kill him >_<

Good luck with everything