This morning ds1 blatantly refused to go to school.
Every morning we have fights over what feels like nothing and often he is very close to being late for school.
This morning it was because his daddy woke him up- he wouldnt get dressed for 80 mins! then another 30
Mins refusal. We ended up just picking him up and driving to school and putting him in the class room.
Today he made his brother late for school and us late for important things.
Hubby was stubborn and son was stubborn and it was horrible.
Was he refusing to GO to school? That's easily solved- physically pick him up and put in car. Or look at why- for example I didn't want to go to school for a few months in year 6 and I never told my mum it was because two older girls were picking on me.
Sounds like he's refusing to get himself ready! That ones easier.. Here's a few that friends do/I do, as food for thought.
One friends dresses her 4 boys in their school clothes/daycare clothes the night before, all he has to do in morning is roll out of bed (that one doesn't work for me as I let DD wear unmarked school dresses twice before washing so feels a bit eww)
Keep school shoes and hairbrush/hair ties on brush handle in car, make them remove shoes before they get out in afternoon, don't do the 'key dance' by the front door, hand them socks with their lunch boxes (we do this, finding matching socks and locating shoes is half the battle and she has FORGOTTEN to put shoes on 4 times in 2 years- she's realised AT school drop off point)
When I stress DD about her time management, she loses it and will just lock herself in her room or cry on the couch. She's only 7!! School mornings are a horrible childhood memory for me and when I realised I was doing to her what my (slightly insane) mother did to me, it changed everything! I realised.. how dare I think of my own child as lazy, even in the depths of my darkest morning moments! She proactively brought our dry washing off the line yesterday and put in laundry. how many 7yr olds do THAT to help mummy?
Our kids were born with parents doing everything for them.. Honestly, without us teaching them super easy ways to do it alone, giving them incentives, and helping if needed, why SHOULD that change? They don't have our perspective on the whole thing.
So halfway thru year 1 I changed our system. Her clothing system is basic- 5 drawers labelled undies, school, pants, etc. Nothing is folded as she chucks clothes in drawers herself- but she knows where it all is. Her weekly hanging rack has about ten outfits including school clothes that she can change into etc whenever she needs to- no cupboard clothes get touched except when I decide to dress her up- out of sight out of mind! Her room has been 100 times tidier (helps their morning state of mind from being overwhelmed), and I also implemented the rule that as soon as she is dressed and has breakfast in front of her, she can do whatever the hell she likes until I'm ready to leave, as long as she doesn't bring out toys or craft. Normally that is playing on ipod touch or watching ABC3. I rush past, throw her lunchbox and socks at her, she rolls her eyes, gets her school bag and follows me to the car. It's funny how I used to blame her but I now realise how often it's ME running late and wasting time.
Also I know your son getting overwhelmed or annoyed like mine does when we clash MAY not be the issue- but my point is, by dramatically changing the routine and keeping it calmer, it changed her whole mindset. I'm the only one that can head off morning conflict! Your household is in a cycle and changing that can sometimes make a world of difference, especially if you explain to them what you're trying to achieve and if they think it will help.
Oh and lastly I've found if she is in a tv/breakfast/couch/toilet daze and I need her to get moving, (yes, she zones out on toilet playing with the rolls and making mirror faces) I just threaten to run late to her next after school activity. Honestly, sometimes they just need a really happy upbeat-voiced loose threat along with a physical pat or touch on the back/arm/shoulder to crack them out of it! I stroke her cheek or hair which she hates, and she leaps up and runs off. I have a floaty day dreamer
I totally agree with Katters.
When I am organised in the mornings they go a kazillion times smoother.
You guys have a lot going on atm, don't you. Kids pick up on that no matter how much we try to shield them.
Ask him how he'd like the morning to go?
Would an alarm clock be beneficial?
Would he be more co-operative if he's more in control of what happens? Discuss a plan at night time perhaps of what needs to happen. This works well for my two.
I dosed him with rescue remedy last night after a melt down in which got way outta hand.
I am org in the morning and our routine is very simple. I go in at 6.50, turn on his bedside light and wake him, tell him I'll be back in 10 to help him get dressed. (he doesnt wake up well). I go turn the heaters on warm his clothes, get myself dressed then go back. a snuggle and a little tickle is the best way to wake him up, then we put socks and pants on, the next bit is tricky and may be a BIG reason for melt downs, he requires 3 thick jumpers over his already thick velvet thermals- this is a struggle but there is NOTHING I can do about this, the school doesnt have heating unless its snowing. then he goes washes face and brushes his teeth. we'll have breakfast, put on shoes jacket and leave.
Melt downs happen at any point, sometimes for totally unrelated things that he has been thinking about.
He can do the routine, His brother and sister stay in bed atm so as to help have a smooth easy breakfast, but it cant always be that way.
I allow 40-45 mins before we need to go and dont get on his case unless we are really pushing time. It never helps and I certainly dont want to be nagging, there is enough of that done at other times
He is having a real hard time with his temper. Hes an awesome kid but always had SO much anger and emotions easily overwhelm him.
im like someone else who said .. pick him up and manhandle him into the car but im assuming it is summer weather (like here in Oz) ... does he feel to hot with all three jumpers on ?? and can you let him sleep in some clothes and you juss put the extra one on before you leave?? Can he eat a toastie sandwhich in the car to school for breakfast and a drinkbottle ..... and is there any bullies at school?
I know all the kids arre effected by the other things that have been happening etc. And he's never had it easy, none of them have and its not going to get easier any time soon, even when we get back to NZ in April, they will then have a big move to adjust to, new school and their daddy not being around.
Im really hoping to get a breakthrough with him before we come back. I guess I'm scared of him being out of control when I'm solo parenting
Due to many things, my hubby and I will be living in different countries. will see each other probably twice a year.
Its winter here- hence the jumpers
He wont sleep in more clothes. The school is a 4 min walk and I dont drive here so throwing him the car isnt an option
on meltdown number 5 already and its only 3pm. his brother who is 4/5 is quickly learning the same behaviour.
My hubby is just gonna get all strict and yell. not helpful really.
i have a 4 1/2 yr old who frequently has meltdowns as well... so i feel your pain
If you have to walk well i would just warn him 10 min before you go (with a jumper or 2 in one hand ready for him outside) and tell him if your not ready bad luck your going to school and thats it ... (so i reckon pant and shoes on first on wakening ) ...and at the exact moment be prepared for a 'controlled meltdown' and say right mr xxx we are off to school and we are going now shove him out with the other kids and lock the door and head to school. ( i did exactly this but i did have a car and ignored him which was very hard but he put his seatbelt on in record time when he new i wasnt and the engine was on) .
Just today i had a 20 meltdown thats shorter than normal over i dont know what so i do hear the pain and frustration hugs honey x
Blatant refusal
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks