Oh I know this situation too well! I had the same problem with my DD and it got to the point where I told her and her school that unless she was dead, dying or had bones protruding through her skin I was not to be called out of work. Sounds harsh but I was over it. My DD would also pull strands of her hair out and I had trouble getting her to eat at school but would find food remains around the house where she had tried to hide it. When I got to the point I couldn't cope anymore I took her to see a GP for a mental health plan to see a social worker who specialises with children and discovereed she had quite severe anxiety, separation anxiety, low self esteem and there was a bit of bullying going on as well. I felt terrible for not addressing it earlier The counselling taught DD coping mechanisims and made her realise that just because she's scared doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen. It also taught me how to recognise why DD sometimes acts the way she does and how to help prevent it. I've recently noticed a return of DD's "trigger signs" (she's currently got a small bald patch on her head ) and have managed to get her someone to talk to at her school before it got to bad.

Maybe there is someone at your DD's school she can chat with, a school chaplain or welfare officer (as opposed to seeing a counsellor if your DH is against the idea?)

I hope you can get some answers soon, it's not a nice situation for anyone to be in.