Hi MissM. I'm not a parent (yet) but I've worked with children for a long time, I hope you don't mind me pitching in. It sounds like you and DH are very attuned and caring parents. Over the years I've seen children in similar stages to your DD. From my experience the irritability and disrespect can be influenced by hormones for sure, but I have often found that even though the hormones make it harder to be cheerful; there is often something going on that is contributing to the grumpiness. Nine is such a hard age, no longer a little child but not yet a teenager, they have a foot in each world so to speak.

I'm sure you've talked a lot with her about having a sibling. When I was studying a very sage and insightful teacher tried to explain how children feel like this "Imagine your partner brings another man/woman home one day without seeking your permission and says okay so from now on, you have to share. I'm going to have two partners now. How would you feel?" Because for children you are the centre of their lives. Even though by nine they are totally peer focused, the way they define themselves is still as your child. It would be normal for her to have lots of mixed feelings about this. You've talked a lot about it and how she will still be important etc, I'm sure. I am just putting the idea out there that maybe she has some anger about it, with you guys and just in general, that she is having trouble processing. I have found that when parents have given permission to their children to be angry about changes it helps to vent it and they can move through it, rather than just feeling angry with you and like you are "being rude" to her. Because if my hubby brought a second wife home, I'd feel like it was rude, heh.

She is probably excited and angry, happy and worried. As well as reassuring her about her place in the family (which I'm sure you already have) maybe you could try to let her express her anger (in an appropriate way). in my experience just being given a chance to be validated for their anger can diffuse bad moods, tantrums and oppositional behaviour. She might be confused about the fact that she is excited and happy and mad and scared.

Perhaps this is nothing at all to do with the pregnancy, but it may still help with the behaviour. I learned these helpful steps when faced with an angry or oppositional child.

(1) Ventilate (let them express it all, everything they are mad about without defending yourself or interrupting)

(2) Validate (say you understand, normalise it and accept their truth eg "Well I can see why that would make you mad, you really like to stay up and it sucks having to go to bed earlier than your friends, of course you want to eat icecream before bed, who wouldn't?)

(3) Problem solve (help them come up with ideas on how to change things to make it less painful in a way that will work for the family)

(4) Reality Test (here's where you can, when they are calmer, start to delicately help them to discover through questions like "So if I don't let you stay up tonight does that mean that I never let you? That I don't care about you? etc etc where their thinking may be a bit balck and white or off kilter)

(5) Rehearse (go through ways to express their feelings in a more useful way, a plan of action to make things better, any obstacles to changing the way they feel or what they'd like to happen.

I find this works a lot of the time. But not always! Children are not computers programmed to respond to a set pattern. Good luck, it sounds like you are a wonderful, loving parent and I hope things are smoother sailing for you all in the hectic months ahead.