Other people's kids in your care, how do you handle it??

[Mak]

I currently look after a girlffriend's DD one day a week.
All seemed ok but now it is apparent that we have very different approaches or just different kids, lol!!!
How do you manage challenging behaviour when it is not your own? I mean yelling, hitting, scratching and being really nasty. Generally when she doesn't get her own way, asap all the time, lol! She also likes to take stuff home - her parents are not that fussed about it and take the appraoch of anything for a quiet life. Which is fine except it is getting more and more and bigger more loved items. I have tried to work around it but my 2 have clued on and are trying to act up too.
How do you handle this?? Any tips??

[MummyOfTerrors]

this is my honest opinion its what i would do not telling you what to do xoxo
but if shes coming into YOUR house then she needs to follow your rules especially as youve got other children picking up on the behaviour
would you let your children behave like that?
and taking stuff home??? she needs to learn that she cant always do that
maybe have one thing that she can take and bring back
i hope this helps
its a rock and hard place but maybe if it doesnt work out they could find someone more suited to their daughters needs????

[megs]

I agree, she needs to learn that she can't take things home. I had an issue with that with my nephew, same age as my 2nd son, he would come to our house and leave with their favourite toys. My boys eventually would make sure his hands were empty before he left the house. I didn't blame them as they were tired of their toys being taken. And if the parents don't like it i think its tough luck, I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate it if it was reversed and your children took her toys home with them.

I think with her behaviour you would have a right to give her time out, your children shouldn't be subject to that behaviour and I'm sure if they were displaying that you would look at those type of measures.

Good luck with it all

[briggsy's girl]

Your house, your rules.

I have had friends here with kids and if they're doing things that we don't let DD do, they get pulled up on it - if the parents don't do it, we do. i'm quite adept at saying "sorry buddy, that's not the way we do things here". Thankfully most of my friends have very similar parenting to us, and have no drama with me pulling their kids up (nor do i - if DD is doing something wrong, i expect her to be told). Children learn boundaries only by being shown those boundaries and being consistent in showing them.

if the parent doesn't agree, they have two choice - suck it up while the child is in your home, or ask someone else to look after the child

as for toys going home a simple "no, that has to stay here, you can play with it next time" - if they have a tantrum, too bad - again they need to learn there are limitations and not everything is theirs. "sorry, i know you want to take it home, but it's not yours, it has to stay here - you can play with it next time" (and i'll be honest, tantrums soooooooooo don't work for me, they make me more determined to gently teach the child about boundaries)

[Mak]

Thanks! I think that the idea of having something for her is great - we will try and work on that idea. I guess it made me question a bit whether I was being to unreasonable when I was expecting her to fit with our rules (sounds very strict hey??). But I hate being tantrumed etc at and really that doesn't work here for my 2. So try to be consistent and calm BUT firm.

[*Efjay*]

How old is she?

I agree with the above posts. Your house your rules. Simply tell her "We are not allowed to do that in this house" Does she act up like this in front of her mum while she is there? If so try & step in & say "ah ah, you no the rules, we are not allowed to do that in this house" If her Mum comments just tell her, My kids are not allowed to do that, do neither is DD while she is here. Its not fair on your kids to see the behaviours they are not allowed to get away with being "tolerated" by another KWIM.
And NO TAKING STUFF. Its not hers, tell if she would like to take something him she needs to bring it from her house in the first place.

[Mak]

She is 4.5 - so not a 2yo tantying and not understanding why you are saying things. The stuff has been mostly craft related - so packing DD's supplies up in her backpack. I guess I am being a bit softer than I would normally as they also help us out with kinder pick up too. If it was anyone else I would not have them over again....

[*Efjay*]

The attitude she is displaying I can relate too. My DD is the same age & she is a nightmare atm. Princess Diva Syndrome with what I have labelled her. But yeah, don't be any spfter then you would be on your kids.
Taking craft supplies.. ah no. Its not like thats going to come back.

[NaeNae]

I agree with all the other posters, only I would do this:

First TELL (not talk to) the friend that the behaviour is no longer accepted and that you intend to enforce the rules of your house. This gives your friend a word of warning that her child will be disciplined if she doesn't behave. You can say " I know you do things differently but She is setting a bad example for my children and I will no longer tollerate it. I am happy to watch her for you but THIS is whats happening from now on"

Then when Mummy drops daughter off, while mummy is at the door you say to the little girl in front of mummy. "We have new rules here, any bad behaviour will result in time out (or whatever) and X and Y's toys MUST stay here from now on"

This way you are saying something to the child in the presence of the parent so She knows that Mummy knows.

Follow through despite tantrums - your house your rules.

If you have to search her bag for toys or pry them from her fingers do it - I am sure your income is not so disposable to be supplying your friends children with all the toys they want. You guys work hard to buy things for YOUR kids, they stay in your house.

As for getting the little Miss her own stuff DON'T do that! You get her parents to buy the toys why should you supply that little brat with her own set of stuff?

Man I want to smack the parents of that kid!

HTH Nae x

[helle]

I agree with all the other posters, only I would do this:

First TELL (not talk to) the friend that the behaviour is no longer accepted and that you intend to enforce the rules of your house. This gives your friend a word of warning that her child will be disciplined if she doesn't behave. You can say " I know you do things differently but She is setting a bad example for my children and I will no longer tollerate it. I am happy to watch her for you but THIS is whats happening from now on"

Then when Mummy drops daughter off, while mummy is at the door you say to the little girl in front of mummy. "We have new rules here, any bad behaviour will result in time out (or whatever) and X and Y's toys MUST stay here from now on"

This way you are saying something to the child in the presence of the parent so She knows that Mummy knows.

Follow through despite tantrums - your house your rules.

If you have to search her bag for toys or pry them from her fingers do it - I am sure your income is not so disposable to be supplying your friends children with all the toys they want. You guys work hard to buy things for YOUR kids, they stay in your house.

As for getting the little Miss her own stuff DON'T do that! You get her parents to buy the toys why should you supply that little brat with her own set of stuff?

Man I want to smack the parents of that kid!

HTH Nae x

Yeah that ^ couldn't have said it better!