Should i take her to see a psychologist?

[Antheia]

I have had a vent on here about DD's behaviour before but it's getting worse.

First i thought it must be because of the new baby and she is worried her daddy will be 'taken off her' etc. Totally normal i know and she has been a very anxious person since she was a baby. But i think it's more than that now, although i'm not sure what.

DH is almost to the point of leaving because of this. I just wish i knew what was going on inside her head, so i can fix it. I know she doesnt mean to be naughty as she has told me herself. But this can't go on.

A little example. Last week DD was being extremely naughty to DH. Hitting him with her fists and other objects, spitting at him, telling him she hates him and does not love him, telling him to leave, to go away. So he did go away (just to the shops) and as soon as he left she went off. She was bawling, saying to me, im sorry im sorry, i want daddy back please come back, im sorry. So i know she does love him and doesnt want him to leave at all. But why does she say it? I know she doesnt understand what hate means but she does know it is to hurt feelings and that is what she is doing, she said so herself.

I will add, this ONLY happens if DH and I are in the same room/together. If DH is on the computer, she leaves him alone, because he is not with me. When DH is at work she is fine with me. When she is naughty she goes to her room straight away then comes out and says sorry, give a hug and kiss. When DH is home and we send her to her room she will just reply with 'but i will just come back out again'.

So most of the time DH and I don't spend time together because she doesn't allow us to. DH is either on the computer or i am laying down in bed. Because then she is a perfectly behaved little girl and doesn't even want his/my attention.

DH and i rarely ever fight but this is tearing us apart. And poor DD's head is probably all mush because of what she is doing. I am sure she has no idea what is going on with her emotions/behaviour.

I'm so worried about how DH is aswell. He certainly doesn't feel loved (even though he knows she does love him) and he doesnt know what to do. His answer is for him to leave. He doesn't want to but he says is there any other choice?

I'm sick of everyone tell me it's just normal 4 year old behaviour or, it's just a phase, or she's just a naughty little girl. I know it is more than this and i know she needs help in some way. But will taking her to see someone help at all? Because i have no idea what else to try. I take her to my Chiropractor and we thought that was working for a bit but its not and i also started giving her fish oil tablets but thats not helping either. Even a rewards system has no effect.

[Chocaholic]

Take her to a child psychologist, for your peace of mind if nothing else. They should be able to talk to her about what is happening in her head and help her cope with it in an age appropriate manner. It may even give both you and DH some other strategies that may help correct her behaviour.

Good luck. It is obvious you both love your little girl and want to do what's best for her.

[~Kaz~]

A massive for you and your poor DH! I have read some of your other posts about your DD.

I agree with Courtney. Listen to your own instincts about this. It does sound a bit more than just a phase, or "normal behaviour". Definitely take her to see a psychologist. Preferably one that specialises in child development and also possibly family therapy. I'm not suggesting that you or your DH are strange or have done anything to cause this, but your DD is definitely influencing the dynamics of your relationship (unknowingly probably) and someone with a family therapy background might have some great strategies to help you guys minimise the impact of her behaviour on your relationship. Since her behaviour is affecting all three of you, it might be good to go for a family session or two so the psych can witness the behaviour and dynamics firsthand. Your DH sounds like he could do with some strategies as well. Leaving the home is not the answer - if anything it may make her behaviour worse given the example you wrote about above. If you can get a referral from your GP, then the cost of the sessions can be claimed back from Medicare.

It kind of sounds like she is jealous of your DH and any attention he might give you? Or that she is testing his loyalty by rejecting him to see if she is still lovable.

Good luck with the psychologist. I hope you find one locally who has experience in this area.

[AliBaby]

I agree with kaz about this. I think it is more than jsut a little phase and if it is causing a rift between you and DH then it definitely needs to be addressed further.

She is definitely crying out for DH's attention in anyway she knows how. When your DH came home from the shops after she was upset what happened then. Did they have a little talk??

Has he ever thought about maybe acting how a child would act when she is being hurtful towards him? I know that sounds strange and I am by no means a child pshychologist but I do work with children every day and anything is worth a go.

What I kind of mean is if she does something to hurt him maybe he could get upset in front of her and tell her that she has hurt her daddy's feelings. etc.

I really am not sure. Children are complex little things. I hope you guys can get through this. Sounds like you are doing everything you can and just continue to support your DH and your relationship as best you can. Big sweetie.

[Antheia]

When DH came home they had a cuddle and a chat. They have a chat most nights about her acting in this way and she says sorry and doesnt mean to and that she cant help it etc and that she wont do it again but it just starts over again the next day.

DH does sometimes act like a child when she hurts him. He pretends to cry and covers his face. She just laughs and says haha. So not sure whats up there.

[AliBaby]

Sounds like you guys are doing all thr right things. I think you are right that the next thing to do is to seek some help from a child's pshycologist. dont forget that you guys are great parents and you will all get through this together.

One other thing I thought of that they often get children to do to get to the bottom of issues is by drawing or through play. Maybe the 3 of you can play dolls or something and make it a really fun activity and see if anything comes up that way. Maybe ask her which doll she would like to be (mummy, daddy or the daughter) it might be interesting to see how she sees each role in the family and if nothing comes out of it then you have spent some quality time together.