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wdyt? children's behavior
My friends children are driving me crazy!!!
If she has them by themselves there fine but together they tear my house apart damage things yesterday they poured all 5kg of bird food for my aviary on the grass which was not salvageable
She doesn't control them either and if she does it usually involves screaming at them ( which is also stressfull for me)
Is this normal?
Surely children should behave while out?
My boy is only 7 months but I would assume when he is older etiquette says I should make sure he respects other people's homes and uses his manners
What should I do say sorry no children until you can control them?
Moderator
I was with you until this bit, at which point, I fell off my bench laughing.
No. Children do not behave whilst out and despite all their parent's best efforts they are not always polite and respectful.
It might be possible that your friend should make more effort to prevent her children from running amok but if you don't like what they are doing you can ask them to stop and direct them towards something that you are ok with.
Registered User
A lot depends on the age.
Generally, under-3s don't fully understand about respecting people's stuff, although they can obviously be encouraged to. I'd say by 4, they've got a good idea of the difference between right and wrong and tipping stuff around really can't go unpunished at 5+.
So for the younger ages, if it was my child, I'd be keeping a close eye on them, trying to find stuff for them to play with safely without running amok, warning them if it looks like they're getting into trouble and generally supervising. Now, we all get slack when we're having a chat and are not always super eagle-eyed so if something did happen and my child damaged something, I'd offer to pay and take the kids home.
With an older kid, I wouldn't be supervising anywhere near as much, I'd expect that they knew that was the sort of thing they shouldn't do. But if they did, straight home. That's the consequence.
I've been with another parent whose child often hits my daughter. She keeps warning him not to and tells him he'll be going home if he continues. DOesn't follow through. Annoying. (Especially as she's a lovely person and I really enjoy her company so I don't want her to go home). But there has to be consequences, especially at that older age.
Registered User
I'd probably not have them over but instead suggest going to play centers etc where the kids can play and you and your friend can have a coffee.
How many kids does she have? Perhaps she isn't coping? You also only have one 7 month old (?) that's a huge difference. Wait til he is a toddler/preschooler, then maybe you will see that children don't behave when out like you seem to expect.
Also, it's your house and if she isn't disciplining the kids, you are well within your rights to take matters into your own hands. If the kids are touching something they shouldnt, tell them not to!! Then direct them to something they can play with as an alternative.
Moderator
I have to agree with Onyx.
It sounds like your friend is struggling. Perhaps you should help her out a bit by helping entertain (and therefore distract) the children while they are at your place.
Also, if someone said to me, 'You are welcome at my house but dont bring your kids', I would tell them to get knotted. If you want to keep her as a friend, I advise not to go down this route. Kids and parents are a package deal. If you dont like it perhaps it's best not to invite your friend over anymore
Registered User
Simple solution if you want to kee the friendship; start meeting up elsewhere. Her house, parks, playcenters. That way her kids behaviour isn't your problem.
Registered User
I think issues with a friend's kids is probably the second biggest killer of a friendship behind issues with the partner your friend chooses.
I do think kids should behave well when out, and certainly when in someone else's home. Mine do, but that's because I jump on them if they don't and they know it. They are allowed a much freer rein at home or my mum's.
If there are children in my home who are doing something I'm not happy with and their parent isn't doing anything about it then I say something gently, and hopefully the parent takes it from there if further follow up is necessary. If they don't then I do. Its my home so to a certain extent my rules.
Registered User
I agree with this. Don't meet at your place. I too was with you until the kids should behave thing. They don't, not always. She does sound like she's struggling, but also that she might be a bit meh about it all. I soooo wouldn't tell her you'll catch up but sans kids...you won't be seeing her again. Most babies at 7 months are easy...even the ones who aren't are easy compared to an older child. My 13 month old is way more work than she was at 7 months old, and that's just going to keep happening as she grows.Simple solution if you want to kee the friendship; start meeting up elsewhere. Her house, parks, playcenters. That way her kids behaviour isn't your problem.
Registered User
I'm the same as Lulu.
Unfortunately all parents expectations of how their children should 'behave' is really different. Some are made to sit quietly, others can run around crazily etc.... I know I expect my DD to behave (as in don't play in kids bedrooms, jump on furniture, use a quieter voice when inside etc...) but does that mean she always does? No! But like Lulu, I am on to her if I see her doing something I don't think is acceptable & if I see someone elses kids doing something unacceptable I will step in if the parent isn't around or watching.
Registered User
I have a really simple rule - if you and your children come to my home, they follow my rules. If you don't parent them, I will.
It works well, and all my friends with kids are well aware that their children cannot disrespect our home and our property. TBH I think there are a few parents that like it this way, as often the children will pull up quicker and better for another mum than they will for their own.
Having said that, there are obviously somethings you just cannot control, and sometimes that includes your child's behaviour - something you will find out, probably to your dismay, as your boy gets older! LOL
But I would probably speak with her, and let her know you are not happy with the way they behave in your home and ask her to step in sooner to calm the situation.
Registered User
Hehe I'm with Onyx
Plus I have also found that a few stern words from someone else will have a far greater influence over their behaviour than me speaking to them - so perhaps you could say something to the kids when they misbehave. After all, its your house and your rules!
Registered User
My kids behaviour can be shocking but I'm very aware of this and never let them out of my sight. It can be boring when we go to the park to catch up with friends and everyone else can sit and have a coffee because their kids aren't inclined to be rough while I'm out with my kids. But I guess that's part and parcel of parenting.
I also never dreamed at 7 months that my kids would be the 'rough ones' that people start threads about.
I"d start having catch ups outside of your place if you want to keep up the friendship.
Registered User
I've tried to help with her kids and they won't listen to me and I'm not very good with what to do with kids .
And when I say surely kids should behave I don't expect them to sit and do nothing but I assume it doesn't involve screaming and destroying belongings
Registered User
:-( Sounds like a no win situation & I agree they shouldn't destroy property, anyones. I'd take it up directly with your friend or look for alternative places to meet up
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