That I could deal with & we have had it in the past, but it's different at the moment. It's like as soon as there some sort of upset the crying turns hysterical & I miss daddy. No matter what I say it turns into being about daddy & not the real issue at hand. Drives me a little mad!
What do you say during these times? Cos if daddy is coming home, I would address it for sure "I miss daddy too, but he'll be home soon!" - then keep going with the appropriate discipline...
Oops, I should have mentioned, yes daddy is at work. I've tried saying that, but it just doesn't seem to help, as soon as I go back to whatever the issue is it starts back up again then when daddy does arrive home it's no big deal. I just want to understand why being in trouble brings this on, all day everything is fine then suddenly as soon as we have a time out this comes up.
Hehehehe! Yeah, she's distracting you from the issue - smart cookie!
My kids dad doesn't live with us so you could imagine my guilt when they started this up. It was to distract from them being in trouble! However I couldn't change that he wouldn't be home at night so we all had to get used to it iykwim?
I know when they really miss him and when they are diverting now though! Good luck xoxoxo
Because it upsets you Not to be horrible but when they can sense they've pushed a button they'll do it again... heck we do it as adults! Don't take it personally she LOVES you and it's her way of deflecting the issue. Definitely a smart cookie, and not the only child to do it I assure you
Just acknowledge that she misses her daddy, and tell her that you do too but unfortunately if daddy was here he would say you need to do xyz too.
Thank you Rouge. So you really think that it might be to push my buttons? How cheeky is that! I honestly hadn't thought about saying daddy would do xyz as well I will definitely have to try that one as well.
Just remember not to punish her for this. Because I have no doubt she doesn't even realise what she's doing. She just knows that saying it stops her from being in trouble and then she feels better. It's not like she's actually out to hurt you KWIM? It's all about learning, and as hard as it is be proud that she's developing emotional awareness. It's hard not to think they do these things to hurt us
Have you tried actually getting in first? Next time when she does something naughty, throws a tanty etc maybe try asking her: "Are you angry because you miss Daddy?" See what reaction that gets. She might be stunned that you can read her mind... if she feels that you understand her she might calm down. Also by getting in first she will know that this no longer pushes your button... so might stop using that as a strategy (if that is what she has been doing).
There is a good thread about PET parenting somewhere in BB... some great ideas there... I've been using them recently with great results.
Oh it's like you have written about my DD1. As soon as she is in trouble she cries for Daddy. I think it's because she knows it gets to me and then she has the upper hand. So I have started just ignoring it and saying Daddy will be home later and carry on with discipline. If she is bored and I can't play with her then she will ask over and over again "is Daddy home now?" Drives me nuts and I think that is why she does it but I try to not let her see it gets to me.
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Why does my child do this?
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Not to be horrible but when they can sense they've pushed a button they'll do it again... heck we do it as adults! Don't take it personally she LOVES you and it's her way of deflecting the issue. Definitely a smart cookie, and not the only child to do it I assure you
Also by getting in first she will know that this no longer pushes your button... so might stop using that as a strategy (if that is what she has been doing).
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