My two kidlets have been in childcare, three days a week, since mid-Jan. We moved them from home-based nanny care into long day care, so they are adjusting to the new care model, not also my return to work. I've been back at work since June. They are in care from approx 7.30am til about 4.00 or 5.00pm.

There has been some other things going on - DD has started swimming lessons on her own (previously been with a parent) and she has had a session of kinder. She won't start kinder officially until she turns three (Sat) but she knows it is coming and is very excited. DS has been teething and has hit the terrible twos (I tried telling him he's only 18mths but he didn't listen ).

So there's been a bit going on.

Their behaviour at home has been... challenging. DD doesn't listen to instructions. You ask her/tell her to do something and she just completely ignores us. She pushes boundaries... does things that she knows she is not allowed to do. Uses her hands to eat dinner, climbs on things that she is not allowed to climb on, plays with things that are out of bounds, grabs things off the bench, talks back, ignores us, pushes her brother, etc.

DS just seems to have a hissy fit over any slight provocation. He wanted grapes. I held out the bowl and said "just take one please" and he grabbed two. I took one back off him and said "One at a time". Cue tantrum. He gets over them pretty quickly but it just seems constant!

DH dropped them at childcare today and spent some time with the carers talking about how they are going and watching the kids. Apparently at childcare they are angels. They don't cry, whinge, carry on. DD listens to instructions and has beautiful manners. They play together nicely. DS doesn't have tantrums. The only criticism the carers had was they don't play with the other kids, just want to play with each other (aww), and they run, which isn't allowed.

So is this a common thing? Completely different behaviour at home and childcare?

DH rang me to tell me the above and then said "So we are doing something wrong at home. We need to fix it."

My immediate reaction was that we aren't doing anything wrong, it is that we are mummy and daddy and different rules apply to us vs childcare. They are smart enough to know what they can get away with at childcare (ie not much) versus at home, where they can push boundaries and work the emotional angle - if I cry, mummy will give me a cuddle.

Do you think this is right?