DS is about to start day care one day a week.. he has been by my side exclusivley for over two years and other than hanging out with dad he has never been away from me for long periods of time- so we have been having lots of orientation at the the day care centre where i am still there and he is getting to know the carers and the kids.
But so far we havent had alot of luck when i am not right beside him... i am in two minds about how i have been doing things.. i didnt want him to get too used to me being there right beside him coz then when he is going without me it would be a big change- but at the same time- i want him to feel safe and secure... so i have stayed with him for a bit- and then i tell him i am just going to check on baby or go to the office and leave him to play.. he is ok for about 20-30 minutes then i hear him.. his sad "mummmyyy" so i try and let the carers do their thing first- and so far nothing has worked for him until i come back and see him - then within seconds he is fine and just wants to play with me- he doesnt want to go home.. in fact when i say its time to go- he doesnt want to- he just wants me to be there with him.
So i guess i am asking for any advice or stories of ppl who have had a bit of an adjustment with starting day care.. am i doing the right thing and maybe will he be a bit different when he knows i am not there- either in a good way- or in a bad way. The care centre is only a 2 min walk from home so if he is upset i will be right there to pick him up- i am just a bit worried for him, and at the same time i am wondering if its the right thing to do to send him there or wait til he is older and can understand more- or if i should be doing it now so that he has a bit of getting used to not being with me when it comes time for preschool and kindy etc....
Also any day care workers if you could give me your perspective on it too would be good.. thanks!!! Sorry for the rambling!!
Usually it doesn't help if you are there, because he knows you are there and will eventually come, which is probably why nothing the carers do to help work, cos he knows you are there and just waiting for you.
Whereas if you aren't there - and he knows you're not there, the carers will probably have more success. Have you put him in for a half day? DD1 is starting day care on Friday, and we did orientation last week, and then she's doing a half day on Friday, then a full day next friday.
DS1 who is over 2 yrs is starting occasional care 1 day a week next week. Its for 5 hrs, and I don't know how he will cope as always been with me or DH, (apart from 2 times in last month when friend/family watched kids for us for a few hrs only).
I don't plan on staying there as if I am there he will want me, but its not far from home so I can go pick him up if upset.
Before starting I went alon giwth DS for a while to give him a chance to get used to the place with me there. And it also gave me a good chance to see what the carers were like.
I think it helped him settle in.
He cried when I left him for the first few weeks, but was fine during the day except on the first day. Now he loves it and can't wait to get there.
I too had a big adjustment with J - he was 18 mths and was quite an independant soul but when it came to me leaving him there he wasn't so happy. As PP have mentioned though he cried while I was there, and I would leave and go to work (crying the whole way) and the girls would call me or I would call them 10 minutes later to make sure he was ok. He would stop crying basically the minute I left and I would pick them up and he would start up again and they would look at me perplexed and say "he hasn't cried all day!!". It took about a month of 2 days a week for us to settle in and now he talks about his carers all the time and days like today when I am on holidays I dropped them both off happily - both ran to the door because they missed out last week from being sick.
Babbling now but yes I think he will fine, it will be an adjustment and TBH I think the longer you wait the worse it can be. Almost like the more he knows the more he might dig in??? Iz was ok but she had days where she would say she wasn't going etc and she was closer to 3 when we started and I think with both that I should have started them a bit earlier but thats just me!
Good luck, it is hard and if they are crying it can bring up all sorts of horrible mummy guilt, but I will never forget what his carers said, that they are not there to watch a child get hysterically upset for an entire day. If he was too distressed at any point in time they would be calling me in a flash and it turns out they were right and all he needed was some toast!
Thanks girls for the reassurance! I think he will be ok, but its kinda nice to hear other peoples experiences... I had a feeling it was worse coz i was there and that maybe while i thought i was doing a good thing by going there lots before i left him there- i am probably getting him into the habit of thinking i am there somewhere so i think i will make it a quick visit next week and then the week after is the big day when he is actually enrolled and i will leave him to see how he goes..
The place doesnt do half days, in saying that i can come get him whenever- i just get charged for a full day, i dont think he will have much luck come nap time (trying to be positive, but ppffftt they arnt gonna get him to sleep) so i think he will really only do mornings for a bit anyway until he is comfortable sleeping there! So i will drop him off and if he makes it through the morning- i am pretty sure i will get a phone call come nap time!!
Does it get better???
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