Is it just a form of Emotional Torture?

[aussienic]

PP: I trialed my DS2 in day care later last year as he starts school next year but it didn't go so well and was 4 at the time.. I was also pregnant and I stood out the fron bawling while Dh took him in. I don't cope well with separation... so don't feel bad about crying.. I also saw a mum who looked as though she was on her way to work. She came out the car sat down and bawled.. So I think we all do it.. or at least most of us

If it is just for the socail side of things I would try playgroup.. I personally don't like playgroup. I just feel like I don't belong but I know they are a great place to have fun...

[Jennifer13]

PP you may find that in a few months she is ready and you can try again. It's a big change for her and she still needs you. She is probably more aware of the baby coming than she lets on and is clinging to you for extra security.

Have you tried an occasional care centre? I wouldn't try it until she's a bit more over this experience, but your local council should be able to point you in the direction of your closest centre. You pay for the hours you use it, but it isn't a regular 'day' (in fact, it's usually just a few hours) and it might give you the break you need without her needing to last all day without you. You ring them a day or so beforehand and let them know you'd like to come, so if she isn't well you don't have to forfeit a day you've already paid for either.

[PinkPalace]

i did a lot of research into all the care centre in my area and none of them do occasional care.

[AnyDream]

PP in my experience, the benefits of FDC are so great that it's worth just paying the fee and starting to meet some carers. You don't have to accept the first carer they give you. Both of my DDs *never* cried when I left them in FDC but the few times i put them in a centre (out of necessity) it was always traumatic for them.

Also, the registration fee is more than offset when you consider that if you try her at another centre, you may end up paying 2 weeks notice that you don't use (if it doesn't work out).

[CathieW]

Hey Pink,
I'm not a fan of family day care.Try mother's groups or playgroup, until she is ready to go.

Cathie

[thepixie]

Thanks PP!

I wonder if i can convince DH to spend the money on a cleaner for me instead 1 day a week? lol

Actually I think this is a great idea - with the new baby on the way something has to give and for now its not going to be CC for your DD.

Do you like anzac cookies (I am hooked on them!) if so I will PM you a recipe... can't take the credit though its one of my baby buddies' recipes

[PinkPalace]

Thanks Cathie! Yes we have mothers group she goes to and plays already but seems to have changed in her manner since being at cc - ie cries when one of the children come near her (and she has been meeting regularly with this group for over 5 months now). Will look into playgroup 1 day a week

marydean - thanks for your comments. I might just see how i go with her at home for a while until she is older. I mean she is a baby still isnt she. But yes will look into FBC next i think.

Pixie - can you make anzac biscuits with banana - i have a heap of oats and ripe bananas....

[thepixie]

Hmmm, not so sure about anzac banana bikkies! But I'm certain that the bear could track down a recipe that uses oats and bananas - I'll get him on to it when he gets home in an hour or so

[sushee]

PP,

I put Charlie into daycare one day a week when he was about 18 months old to secure a place in my childcare centre of choice, and it was terrible, he was miserable, I was miserable and I was sure it wasn't going to work. But the centre director suggested I put him in 2 days a week, and it actually got better. Now he's going 4 days a week and loves going.

Whether he wasn't ready to start with, or whether the increased days made it more 'normal', I don't know, but 1 day a week just didn't seem to work for him.

But I do agree, she probably doesn't need it for socialisation reasons, but if you want some time out, that's fair enough too. FDC didn't work out for me as I didn't have a lot of choice wrt to carers (there was only one in my area with a vacancy, and I didn't take to her) so I'd be reluctant to pay first too. I hope you find a happy solution, but do remember, sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right 'balance' with daycare.

[*Efjay*]

PP, I haven't read the other replies, Im lazy LOL.

I didn't start Evan in care till he was 3. I felt it was more a "preschool" then simply child care.
What I did with him & any good center should let you do the same is to come in & stay with her for a an hour or so & then you BOTH go home. I did this almost every day if not every other day for about a month before I actually left Evan. This gave him plenty of time to get use to the carers', the new environment, toys, kids etc.
We got a few tears the first few times I left but it didn't last. I trusted their word that this was the case as I would call before i left the area, so I would walk over to the shops & get bread etc if I needed too & before heading home ( I would walk) I called & I know I would have been able to hear him if he was still upset.
What I did find happen though was after about 4 weeks of 1 day a week in care he became more clingy at home. I couldn't go to the toilet with out him in a panic of whre I was. I spoke with the preschool & they said he was coping fine there. But I still thought about pulling him out seems it was at home he had troubles. But we stuck with it & it got better pretty quick.

So If you can I would maybe ask if you can still come in 2 or so days a week to help her get use to it all. Go in for morning tea then leave after an hour or so. They should not charge you for this. YOU are still looking after her & she is still your responsibilty while you are there.
Personally for me if they don't encourage you do do this then find somewhere else to take her.

BUT when you do leave her, don't hang about, Drop her off let her know you will be back, a kiss, good bye & walk away. then maybe come back after lunch rather then a full day the first few times so she knows you will be back.

But also at the end of the day if you feel she isn't ready & you don't need her to be there then keep her home. I was told kids don't need or seek out social interaction with kids their age untill about 3. Before that they are quite happy with Mum & dad as long as they are playing games & providing that fun & stimualtion. Play group, Outing etc. At this age kids are all about themself. So if you don't need it then keep her with you.

[PinkPalace]

thanks pixie mmm yummo lol!

Sushee - i have been told this alot that 1 day a week is not enough for them to fit it. She is also in the 15months - 2.5 years group (she will be 15 months next week) so maybe they are a little rough for her - where as the nursery was too baby for her... omg i have no idea

FJ - I think it will be best like you said to pull her out until she is older and needs that interaction prior to prep. (dont worry about not reading all the post lol! - i have read yours about your little one and i know you are having a stressful morning yourself!). I can have her here at home, it isnt an issue - i was really doing it for her and it seems to do nothing but up set her. so it cant be a good thing.

I am going to pic jer up in about an hour.. i pray and hope she isnt crying when i get there!

[luna moth]

I've found that children who attend one day a week generally need up to 6 weeks to settle in. Children who come three days a week need up to 2 weeks to settle. The difference is not the number of days, it's that they need 5 or 6 goes to realise that it's OK. I estimate that about 1 in 20 children need longer than this.
I know you can't change things now that you did, but her first day in care, especially if you're at home, should have been really short (like 3 hours, or even 2 if you knew she'd been crying, and I'd have called you if she cried for more than 1 hour) It's something to think about next time you give it a go - the more gradual entry is always a winner. Yeah, you're not getting "value for money" (At $70 per day that works out at $30/hr!) but in the long run, it is more worthwhile.
It is absolutely OK to cry; I know loads of mums who have done it, although very few do it where we can see! When I do see it though, it reminds me of how important my job is and makes me want to pour a little more love into all the children!
As for your other options, you could get an awesome cleaner for less than a day at childcare, so I say go for it! You can convince your DH!
Alternatively, get some "home help" in after you have number 2, see if they can clean while you leave the baby at home, and you go out and have some special time with your DD. That way, your house gets cleaned, and you get a bit of time off. There are loads of nannies out there who do afterschool work that would love a few hours before 2:30.
I hope it all works out for you!

[lila]

Maybe after you pulled her out you cna find a NICE casual care centre, where you can leave her 1 hour or 4, depending on her and you.
That might be the right "settling"into separation thing. It certainly helped with my little one, he took ages but now, I can leave him "everywhere" and he is fine....

Good luck to you PP

[krysalyss]

I am sure everyone has given good advice. I would do one of two things:
1. Take a big step backwards with daycare. Take her there and spend time there with you there for as long as you can (I did half a day) then you both go home again. Do this a few times before you take her there by herself. Allow her to spend one on one time with the carers. Spend a few minutes at a time out of the room and come back in. She has to start making a connection of you coming back.
2. Pull her from childcare and take her to playgroups instead. That way you can show her how to socialise the way you think is appropriate and she doesnt feel that she will leave.

I hope this helps. I personally dont think it is a matter of her just having to get used to it. You can do it slowly if you really believe that she will get a benefit out of being there. I think she can get a benefit out of childcare but she has to first have a really strong relationship with her carer.
Big hugs!