I'm due back at work March 13th. That's only 5 weeks away. DD will be going into childcare, and I hate it. Really, really hate it. This isn't what I expected, before DD I thought childcare was fantastic - Mum should have a life outside of home, earn money and super for later, bubs will make friends, be independent and build immunity.

But now I have her, and I'm 5 weeks away from sending her to spend a good part of her days with someone else. It's making me a mess, so I've been in denial about it. That means we're really not prepared for it. I just don't know how we're going to handle it.

I've only just started expressing so she has ebm there, but I'm not getting a lot yet - I don't know if she's going to have enough to get her through. She feeds to sleep for her naps, and still isn't all that great at drinking from her cup, she just prefers me. How are they going to get her to nap? I should have stopped feeding her to sleep, helped her with ways to settle that don't involve being cuddled and fed by me for half an hour. At childcare she'll drink her milk from a cup and then what? How will she go to sleep?

A friend at mother's group said her DS's childcare mentioned that he's obviously gotten used to being picked up over the Christmas holidays. They don't have enough arms at childcare to carry every baby when they want it, so he had to get used to not being held. I don't want her to get used to not being held! I hate the thought of her being upset on the floor and not being being attended to because there are 3 other babies to every care there.

I haven't even taken in the enrollment forms yet. I've filled them out, but I just can't bring myself to start the whole process. I still have to label all her stuff, build up more ebm, get a car seat for DH's car so he can pick her up. There are probably a million other things I haven't even thought of, and I don't know how I'm going to prepare us for such a big change in only 5 weeks.

I'm just feeling really sad about it all right now. If anyone has any tips to make it all easier, or anything I might need to do, that'd be great.

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