If you've decided to go, it's best not to drag it out. hand over to a carer so you know someone is cuddling her and say good bye and leave. Hanging around or coming back again can make it worse. It's ok to hang around together for a bit before leaving, I think, but once you're going, go (if that makes sense). Then call them a little while later and check on how she's going.
ETA - I would cut it short if she's hysterical and they can't calm her, yeah.
In the early days with DS, I found that if I stayed and played when we arrived for 5-10 mins to settle him in, but kept the actual goodbye part short, sharp and sweet it worked well. Even if he was teary or crying, the carers were always excellent with comforting hugs and distraction and he would settle within minutes
It got harder after Christmas break this year, at 2.5 we have had a month of heartbreaking drop offs, but thankfully he is settled in again and loves to go to care and waves me goodbye without a second thought.
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