What should I do?

[Snacks]

I work 3 days per week. Phoebe is in LDC 1 day, Mum has her 1 day and DH has her the other.
She hates CC
She cries a lot through the day. The teachers say this is because she is having a hard time settling in (due to going 1 day per week), complicated by the fact that she keeps getting sick so in essence she goes every 2nd week because she is sick on alternate weeks.
She is a pretty clingy kid anyway, preferring to be cuddled regularly through the day even when at home or at my folks'.

What should I do? She's been going since March (I think?) and seems to be getting more distressed rather than more comfortable. She has formed a bond with one of the carers and I am confident that she is given lots of cuddles but still gets quite sad.
I wonder if I should look into an alternative for her until she is a bit older? This will be difficult but obviously I want what's best for her...
OR do I put her in a 2nd day in the hope that she'll find it easier to settle in?

It is so hard knowing that she's getting so upset. I ring once or twice each week to see how she's getting on. She has periods of happiness, but there are usually several episodes of tears as well.
Her days are from around 9am until about 3:30pm.
TIA for any advice.

[MrsFabuloso]

Amy, it is so hard to know what to do! On the one hand, putting Natty in two days may help her settle more by becoming more familiar with the children carers noise and routine of the centre. On the other hand, it may be better if you can organise alternate care because child care may just not be her thing. Some kids can't handle the noise and movement of a centre. Most of the time they will settle though it will take alot of time and effort on everyones part. Have you thought of Family Day care? Maybe the smaller, homelike setting would suit her more. FDC's usually only have about 5 or so children in their care, including their own children (depending on the ages of the kids). Maybe she'd settle easier int hat sort of environment because there is only one carer for her to have to get used to, there are less children, it's in a home with less space, noise ect...Good luck sweets, I hope you can find something to suit you all.

[Epacris]

Hey Snacks, I’m just popping in with some big cuddles for you. I know what it feels like when things aren’t working out with child care, those tugs on the heart are awful. (Lucky for us our issues resolved themselves just as we were making alternative plans).

I think lilias has given you great advice. You need to look at your options and decide what is best for everyone as a family

- Struggle on as is and hope the situation improves.
- Pull her out and find some alternative care/work arrangement.
- Put her in another day in the hope that she becomes more familiar with the environment and settles better.
- Check out family day care options.

Of course there are no guarantees with any of these options. You just need to work out a way from here as a family.

More hugs.

[onthefly]

Ahh, it's hard.
We tried DS in daycare between 15-18 months before finally pulling him out. He never settled in and was sick all the time. It was awful. My biggest regret was waiting 12 whole weeks before stopping.
I don't know what's going to work best for you guys, but all I can say is don't be afraid to go against what the ddaycare people (or anyone else) are saying about needing more time/days to settle in if it doesn't feel right to you. I think I knew that daycare wasn't right for my DS (he was quite clingy as well and it go sooooo much worse when he was in daycare, with the constant illnesses only making things even worse) but I kept at it because instead of listening to my heart I listened to daycare people saying that he'd be fine.
Definitely explore your options, anyway, as Epacris and lilias have mentioned.
All the best with your decision

ETA - BTW, DS is now in daycare (started at 2) at a different centre and loves it. So for him, he just wasn't ready yet when he was younger, but now he's happy there.

[Panda74]

Just wanted to say good luck!

I think what helped DS settle was going 3 days per week and keeping the days as short as possible (9am to 3.30pm is good!). Actually we took DS for a play (we stayed with him) even on his off days just to help him feel more at home there. i know its crazy - she doesn't like it there so you send her more often!

DS also got more clingy in the early weeks and this really concerned me and I was ready to pull him out but he was also sick at the time and as soon as he felt better he was happier there.

If she is getting cuddles there thats fantastic!

It can't hurt to be on FDC waiting lists.. I would prefer DS in FDC but there just wasn't a quality carer available. Can you reshuffle your hours at all? So you work 2 really long days instead of 3?

[Snacks]

Thanks ladies for your advice. Fortunately she had a really good day in care yesterday. DH said she was really sad at drop off, and the carer that she has formed a bond with (K) said she had a couple of little upsets through the day but nothing like in previous weeks. K also said that they are working out that she likes to be engaged with an adult for a while when she's put down - if they play with her for a few minutes then she is happy for them to leave her after that.
I looked into FDC when looking for somewhere to enroll Natty a couple of years back and the waiting lists were pretty long. I think at this point, given that she had a better day, I will see how she goes for a bit and then if it's not working out we'll take her out and put her on the list for FDC. My mum could probably have her the extra day, but it's when she and my dad go away that I strike problems. It's not easy for me to take days off work and it's not particularly flexible with hours.
Thanks again for your thoughts.

If she is getting cuddles there thats fantastic!

I agree, Panda. I have found for both my girls that they have formed a bond with a carer who is happy to give them plenty of physical affection. When I arrived to collect Phoebe on Friday there were two kids who were very upset (fortunately not Phoebe!) and K was cuddling them both and being very attentive (even before she knew I was watching, IYKWIM?). That's all I want for my kids - that they be looked after by people who will attend to them and nurture them. The director even said to me the other day that she's thinking of getting a sling for K because it would make it easier for her with kids who like to be picked up a lot like Phoebe! I am certainly very happy with the staff at our centre.

[thepixie]

Snacks, I feel for you we had similar issues with DD when she started daycare. I thought she would love it because she is very social but she would be bereft when we left. It made it so hard to get through the day knowing how upset she was when I left her, even if I rang and they told me she was fine and having a great time later on.
What worked for us, and something you could try if you or DH have time, is that the Bear would stay there with her for half an hour or more in the morning, and one day he took her in late and showed the carers how to get her to sleep. It really helped her feel more confident there, and after he spent time putting her down for a sleep there, she slept a lot better when she was there. She used to have very short poor quality sleeps and was fried and miserable by home time. I don't know if this would be viable for you but if you want to persevere with CC it could be worth a shot. DD is very happy and confident there now.

[onthefly]

That sounds promising Snacks. Hope you find a good solution for you all.

[Epacris]

Snacks, I know your DD’s been there for a while now but it took my DS a full 6 to 8 weeks to “settle in”. It was just awful during that time. We gave notice that we were going to pull him out and DH arranged to take long service leave to look after him. In the two weeks that we gave notice he learned to walk and he was a completely different boy, it was so amazing. We were so lucky that they hadn’t filled his place and we were able to cancel our alternative arrangements and continue on as we were. And we did decide to send him more often, 3 days a week, and that did seem to help him I think.

Good luck. And more hugs.

[Snacks]

Pixie: Thanks for those tips. DH does stay with her in the morning at drop-off for a while if he has time, and you are right - he finds she does relax into it a lot better. Sadly there's no sure-fire way to get her to sleep for day sleeps (apart from boobs which doesn't help the carers any). I think the carers are working things out though because on Friday when we checked up on her they said they were about to try to put her down again for a sleep and would call us when/if she went down ok (if she didn't I was going to arrange for my mum or FIL to go pick her up). About 10 mins later they rang to say she was asleep!
Rach: That's heartening, thanks. I am not counting my chickens (even though I am very happy last week went a lot better) but am hopeful that things are gradually on the improve.
I have often wondered if Phoebe would be less dependent once she can walk. She often pulls herself up onto our legs. I am hopeful about that too.

[Ella]

We have DS in FDC 2 days a week, we had the same problem with him being sick alot and he wasn't settling at all, recently he has been really well and able to go each day without fail, for hte first time this week he didn't want to leave when I picked him up! I think consistency with kids is a big thing. If she goes regularly she will feel like this is normal where as if she is missing alot may feel she is being abandoned there? Not sure if this is the case for you but seems to have been the problem with our little man.

Good luck hope things get a little easier for you.

[april86]

Ahh, it's hard.
We tried DS in daycare between 15-18 months before finally pulling him out. He never settled in and was sick all the time. It was awful. My biggest regret was waiting 12 whole weeks before stopping.
I don't know what's going to work best for you guys, but all I can say is don't be afraid to go against what the ddaycare people (or anyone else) are saying about needing more time/days to settle in if it doesn't feel right to you. I think I knew that daycare wasn't right for my DS (he was quite clingy as well and it go sooooo much worse when he was in daycare, with the constant illnesses only making things even worse) but I kept at it because instead of listening to my heart I listened to daycare people saying that he'd be fine.
Definitely explore your options, anyway, as Epacris and lilias have mentioned.
All the best with your decision

ETA - BTW, DS is now in daycare (started at 2) at a different centre and loves it. So for him, he just wasn't ready yet when he was younger, but now he's happy there.

I had a very similair experience with my DS.
He went one day a week to the same daycare his sister goes to.
DS is a very sensitive clingy child and he only went to daycare for about a month.
I had to pull him out because he would cry most of the day at daycare and he wasn't even interacting with the daycare workers or the other children.
They said he had very few happy times and was just unsettled most of the day.
I think some children dont like daycare and some do.
But maybe try family day care because your DD Phoebe may enjoy it.
Hope you find an option that works for you.