thanks ladies! I really appreciate you all coming on and giving me advice and ideas.

kate07 - thanks so much!! it's not easy, but I get a lot of support from my DH ... I'd like to scream "it can be done!!" from the rooftops, but just as I've had *heaps* of issues with my birth etc, I know some mums have just as negative experiences with breastfeeding, and they no more chose to be unable to bf than I chose to have internal damage, pain, embarassment and surgery ... but it's so nice to hear positive comments from other mothers! there's unfortunately a lot of haters out there ...

and doodlebug - you rock thanks for your support