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Thread: to circumsize or not to circumsize?

  1. #91

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    Whichever way you do decide to go Brooke, it will be the right choice for your family.


  2. #92

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    Default What if DH is Jewish and you're not?

    So what do you do when you are a "mixed faith" marriage? I was brought up Church of England and DH is Jewish. Although neither of us are religious at all (DH went to a private boys Church of England School, he has not been to a temple since his bamizvah, cannot even describe the meaning of any of the Jewish holidays for me and we celebrate Christmas).
    However, DH is circumcised and wants our baby to "look like him" if it's a boy. I am 100% against it as there is no medical reason for it and our kids will not be raised jewish (we both totally agree on this, though they will know about their Dad's family background), so doing it for religious reasons is out the door. Even so, he is stuck on wanting it done and we are really locking horns. It doesn't help that my Parents-in-Law are now putting pressure on him not to turn his back on the family traditions etc and his brother had is son done, so now there is pressure to have the cousins look the same (whatever!)
    Anyway I am at a loss as to what I should do. I am so against it that I just know I would never forgive myself if I let it happen - but on this matter there is no position of compromise and I can't bear the thought of it coming between DH and I.
    Please give me some advice!

  3. #93

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    If we have a son we wont be having it done, my DH isnt & although I have seen many varied penises in my time (nope I'm not a dr... )
    Our family is Hindu & they dont circumsize, so that's great as I am quite set in my mind that it's not necessary & DH will show any son's in our family how to keep it clean etc...

    I do have friends that for religious purposes have had this done & I would never comment or offer my opinion infact I think its' quite fine to have it done to their child for religious purposes... But for me & my son's I know am like Jo, if they cut things off no longer deemed necessary there'd be tonsil's, labia etc sitting around in hospital bin's!!

    Plus I know I'd love every part of may baby so much ioncluding his little skin, however I am sure its' #3 Pink for me!!! hee hee

  4. #94

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    Wow, there is so much to weigh up. When I was pg we talked about it but never came to a decision, in the end I said, it's up to my DH as I didn't have a strong prefference either way. Well when we had DS, DH decided that we should have him done as growing up as a boy he new that boys tend to put personal hygine on the backburner and he didn't want him to have problems if he was slack at cleaning properly despite our efforts to teach him. Also DH is and says he likes it that way.So it was decided and then when we were in hospital, nobody (ie:staff) would help us out in finding out about getting it done or who could do it, They all were quite blunt in there opinions which were against it and as a reult we still haven't taken it further for fear of persecution from medical staff as we don't know anyone who does it. My sister is also a paed nurse and said if she had a son she would get him done because she has seen sooo many young boys come in with very bad infections from simply not cleaning properly and they have had to get it done anyway and it was alot more traumatic at that time. Especially embarrassment wise as they felt humiliated comming into hosp for that reason. The decisions you have to make as parents are so much harder than as a single person, as your shaping someone else's life. You want to make the right one and there is no manual to tell you how!!!

  5. #95

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    I disagree that "boys tend to put personal hygine on the backburner"

    If that was the case and there were sooooooo many infections and problems with boys who were not circumcised, then tell me why this procedure is not done routinely.

    As for my situation, my DH understands that there is no medical reason for it and also that in Australia, only approximately 5% of boys are done now...but I think it is a combination of fear and ego that is making him still want it done if we have a son.

  6. #96

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    I don't think that we will ever know what the percentages are because there are so many deciding factors, ie religion (either for or against) and where you live - certain areas will have higher numbers of boys done than others kwim? As for the being like Dad thing, it has never come up in conversation with my 5yo boy who isn't done, as to why he is different from his Dad, maybe it just isn't an issue for him. Maybe I am naive, but maybe it doesn't matter to boys in the school yard what they look like down there? Maybe we assume that it will be a problem for them if they go to school with boys who mainly are and visa versa and it wont matter at all. I reckon in my son's class at school it would be a 50-50 split, for various reasons and not once has it ever been an issue for him. Maybe when he gets to the other end of school that boys will jest with one another about it, but I think not - teen boys usually have other things on their mind than one another's penis'.

  7. #97

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    I wouldn't get a boy circumcised unless there was a good medical reason for it. It is an unnecessarily painful procedure that has well-documented risks of infection. There are cases (unusual, I know, but still a concern) where it has affected sexual function later in life. As far as making hygiene easier, unless you have a boy that has some kind of serious infection problem, circumcision really only evades our responsibility as parents to teach children good personal hygiene - and believe me, I know mates (and the husbands of some of my girl friends) who are circumcised and are just as smelly and dirty simply because they still don't wash regularly.

    Essentially, unless performed for medical reasons, circumcision is cosmetic surgery, like body piercing, and body enhancement or reduction. I personally wouldn't subject my child to a cosmetic surgical procedure at such a young age - they have many years to do things like that!

  8. #98

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    We had Alex done at about 6 weeks old - he cried for a few minutes, had a feed and went to sleep. I asked my OB to recommend someone as another doctor who was recommended to us was booked out for weeks in advance and only did them up until the bub is 7 weeks old.

    We had no medical or religious reasons and we both agreed that we wanted it done if we had a boy.

  9. #99
    Jodie259 Guest

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    My husband is Jewish, although I am not. I totally respect his religion, and when we had a baby boy I had no hesitation in his wishes for him to be circumsized. Although I come from a Christian background... my father and both of my brothers are circumsized.

    I had discussed circumcision with my ob - and he was totally fine about it and said that he would find a surgeon if we needed one. When I later mentioned that my husband would like a Rabbi to do it - my ob said that the mohel (rabbi's that do the circumcisions) - do heaps of them, and are probably more experienced than any surgeon. He said that it is completely safe.

    I had witnessed the brit (circumcision) of a friends boy.... so I was prepared for it.
    Jewish tradition is that the the brit is performed on the 8th day after birth. And the Rabbi comes to our house to do it. Many Jews have a big 'party' but we chose to just have my parents there. As I was not Jewish, it was difficult to find a Rabbi willing to perform a brit on a boy that is essentially 'not Jewish'... but we found a lovely Rabbi who understood our situation.

    It was over in seconds... and Shaun used to cry more when he used to have a bath or get his nappy changed. We gave him his bottle immediately after the brit, and he was quite content. It was a lot less traumatic then I thought it would be.

    The Rabbi did a great job, and he checked and redressed it a couple of days later. A week later the little bandage was soaked off, and there has never been any problems.

    I would not be fussed either way if my husband was not Jewish. I think it's a personal decision and no-one should be judged - regardless of their reason for doing it.

  10. #100

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    It's very interesting to read so many points of view. All are valid even when different, it's such a personal decision.

    I am one of three girls and when I was pg I researched this issue as I had no idea about circ. I was surprised to find out that the procedure on newborns is now done using the plastibell technique, with local anaesthetic. This was one of the reasons I decided to circ Jack (and Thomas since). Another reason was reading about the health problems circ can prevent. But the main reason I decided to do it was hearing from friends about boys having to have it done later in life. I was surprised to be asked by a male friend of DHs who never talks about personal things with me if we would be circing Jack. When I said yes he said he was really glad bcos he'd watched his brother have to have it done at 8 years old and it was horrifically painful.

    My main reason for being hesitant once I accepted that it wouldn't be painful, is that I didn't want my boys to be different from others. But a school teacher I know said that she knows which of her students is and isn't, as they do all talk about it. And the older ones mostly aren't, but the younger ones mostly are. Apparently it's far more common now, it is coming back into favour. So my boys won't be so different!

    Having now had two boys done at 2 weeks old or less, I am now happy we did it. They clearly weren't in pain from the procedure and there were no complications. But everyone should do what is right for them.

  11. #101

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    Sorry but I really don't agree that any child who has this done is in no pain. I have read recent studies that have shown an infant who does not cry when the procedure is done is actually more likely to be in a state of shock and in withdrawl from such immense pain that they are physically unable to make a sound - rather than just being "fine". Also, many babies actually lapse into a momentary coma from the trauma - either from the procedure or when the anesthetic wears off

  12. #102

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    My personal choice was to not circumsize my son... his father was annoyed because he wanted his son to be "like him"
    I can clearly remember being against circumsision when my little brother was done... I didn't understand the need to remove something that is already there... I wouldn't want a part of my body, which is perfectly normal to have, removed for no apparent reason.
    My son is almost 13, and not once has the conversation of "circumsised or not" come up within his group of friends or his classmates... I guess they have more important things to discuss.
    If this baby is a boy, my DH is more than happy that he not be circumsised... even though DH is.

  13. #103

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    My son was done and although I had doubts about it before hand Im glad I did it. From what I saw, I cant understand the hatred for it that alot of people have. My son survived, its not impacting on him now and it wont in the future unless he comes across people who will judge him for it, he cant miss something he doesnt remember having. Its a parents choice and they shouldnt be punished for it. Same as pro-circ'ers wouldnt hold it against anti-circ'ers who choose not to do it. If it was so horrible, there would be a law against it.

  14. #104

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    Yep, i totally agree with Anna too. Jesse was circumcised at 6 weeks and the only time he cried was when they gave him the local needle. He didnt cry during the proceedure or after, infact when the nurse brought him out to me he sat there talking to me the whole time we had to wait afterwards. I bought childrens panadol just incase and the first time we had to use it was him 2 month immunisation due to fever. I too was a little worried before hand but am glad we decided to do it. I know so many people who have had to get their son done at a later age and it has scarred them. I would hate to have to put him through that. Sure there is a large chance that wont happen but at least now he knows no different.

    I think in todays society it will be 50/50 as to whether boys are circumcised or not. The OB we went to was booked out for weeks and was doing them every 15 minutes. The waiting room was completely full and there were other OBs we had referals too from our GP also.

    Its just a personal decision and i dont think any boy, done or not, will be treated any less differently at school. DH told me there were friends of him at school who werent (DH is) and they had better things to talk about than what their willy looked like. And i dont think anyone should be descriminated against for choosing to or not to have their son done.. its the parent's decision, no one elses.

  15. #105

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    I don't think there has been any hostility expressed here - just opinions on both sides and reasons why people feel as they do. Circumcision is an elective procedure so you will always find people with strong views on both sides. There are various sources out there, both for and against but in the end, the choice is up to you. If you decide to circumcise your son and you are happy with that decision, it shouldn't matter what anybody else thinks of it.

    I could draw comparisons between this thread and many others on BB in which opinions about birth and infant feeding are divided but I don't think that is really necessary as I'm sure you understand what I'm getting at.

  16. #106

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    Well said Jillian I agree with you wholeheartedly...

    *mwa*
    Cailin

  17. #107

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    I for one do find it difficult to not get saddened and annoyed by this topic. Honestly I thought it was such an outdated process that was done years and years ago before we all knew better until i joined BB over 2 years ago. I had never before then heard of anyone doing it or wanting to do it. I guess for me....i couldnt subject my child to such a painful procedure because I felt it looked better or whatever..i just dont feel like i could do it as it would somehow be disrespecting my son and his own wonderful body which to me is perfect just the way it is. I guess I will continue to be saddened but hope that as time goes on this practice will be erradicated completely.

    Jo

  18. #108

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    I must be different, as I feel there are much more important things to feel sad about in this world with regards to children, such as are they loved, are the fed, given the basics to have a normal start in life, as opposed to whether a little boy's foreskin is removed.

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