What am I doing wrong?

[forshelby]

This will be a quickie, much like all of my posts because my baby boy is in the other room SCREAMING the house down. As usual.

I don't know what to do anymore. He won't sleep during the day (except the odd day here or there.. probably about 3 times in 3 months). And I can't even put him down to get myself something to eat, or go to the toilet. If I'm lucky, he'll be happy in front of some cartoons in his bouncer for 20mins max. Other than that, he wants to be held all day long. I can't do it anymore!

I need some practical solutions that don't involve controlled crying, or going to a sleep school. Those options are out of the question. He does have silent reflux, and he's on thickened formula but it doesn't seem to make any difference except that he doesn't up-chuck at all.

I'm tired, drained, and on the verge of depression dealing with this all day and all night every day and night. I have no family in the city who are available to help, and all my friends have jobs to go to. I'm on my own here, and drowning bigtime. So far the only thing I've been able to do is just hold him constantly to get him to be quiet.

I need help. Pronto.

PS I do have a sling and use it religiously, but I need to be able to put him down for goodness sake. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this kind of torment. I love him to bits but he tortures me day in, day out. What am I doing wrong?!

[onthefly]

Poor little love and poor you too!
At this age, his behaviour is pretty typical for many babies. However, I wonder what medical advice you have received. If his reflux is due to some underlying condition or being exaccerbated by his food, then thickening probably won't help I would guess Can you get onto a GP or Pead to look at changing his formula and/or medication?

I think your primary problem seems to be that you're not getting any help. Is there noone you can call on? Any friends or neighbours with kids who might be able to lend a hand? Perhaps you've met some other mums in your area through mother's group or playgroup or somethign like taht?

[Artechim]

I don't have any suggestions for fixing the baby, but is there any chance your DH could hold him in the evening or sometime and you could go for a walk or something just to get away from constant baby?

My kids were like that. I was/am always envious of the ladies that can leave their babies lying under those baby gym things, or that have bubs that will sleep in the car capsule. Mine had to be held basically all the time until they were sitting confidently (around 6 months) and then they were a bit happier to be left for 5 minutes playing with toys.

[~Trish~]

You poor love . My DS1 was exactly the same, he cried all the time and wanted to be held all day. I was a teary, exhausted mess.

On the suggestion of a friend I took him to a paediatric chiropractor and it turned out his right shoulder had been dislocated since birth so he was actually in a lot of pain . Once we got that under control he was much happier. Paediatric chiros also have a lot of success treating babies with reflux, wind and colic.

The other thing that SAVED my life was investing in an Amby baby hammock. He loved being held and rocked, so the hammock was the best thing for him. The first time I put him in it for a nap he slept for 2 hours! I'd never been able to put him down for a nap before, he'd only sleep in my arms so it was an absolute miracle for me! It is something worth looking into if you are desperate, you can even hire them from places like Hire for Baby.

I hope things start getting better soon .

[forshelby]

I just need to repeat that NO, there is nobody I can call on. I don't go to any mothers group and don't know my neighbours well enough to enlist their help.

I like the idea of a hammock, but so far no contraption I've blown money on has worked. Maybe hire is a possibility. The GP has gone over him and found nothing of concern, surely if something was dislocated etc he would know? Perhaps the chiro is worth a go. On top of the physio bills it's going to be extremely hard to find the extra money but if it helps then I need to beg borrow or steal to get him sorted.

[~Trish~]

Just want to send more cyber hugs, you sound so exhausted . And please know, we have ALL felt on the brink of sanity and wondered what the hell we were thinking about having a baby . I promise it gets easier, that's why we go back for more eventually . You are doing such a brilliant job, you'll look back and realise it for yourself one day .

I like the idea of a hammock, but so far no contraption I've blown money on has worked. Maybe hire is a possibility. The GP has gone over him and found nothing of concern, surely if something was dislocated etc he would know? Perhaps the chiro is worth a go. On top of the physio bills it's going to be extremely hard to find the extra money but if it helps then I need to beg borrow or steal to get him sorted.

You can get second hand hammocks really cheap from eBay these days too if that helps. If I lived closer I'd lend you mine so you could see if he likes it first! As for the GP not finding anything of concern, my DS1 was looked over by a couple of paediatricians in the hospital who did not pick up his shoulder issue . It was only the chiro that picked it up. I made sure they had an extra good look at my next two babies, I wasn't going through that again!

A trip to the GP sounds like a good plan of attack

[OceanPrincess]

Oh forshelby... You poor thing! You just sound exhausted...

The others have given some great advice, I just wanted to say that you are not doing anything wrong, in fact the opposite - you are doing everything right, you are responding to his needs - he needs to be with you, held by you, and you are doing just what he needs.



Hang in there.

[OceanPrincess]

Gold Coast. I was about to offer my services... But I'm a bit too far south.

Look into the hire option hun

[Eenee]

Maybe try a naturopath. They tested DD and I had to cut out dairy from my diet and she's like a whole new baby!

[forshelby]

I don't want to be rude, but I also don't want to repeat myself a zillion times. I'm not able to breastfeed. Cutting dairy out of my diet won't change the composition of the formula.

[Eenee]

Yeah but maybe you could find another formula was just using it as an example your bub could have another intolerance that needs to be addressed just saying.

[forshelby]

I don't have a lot of choice of formula, being that he needs a special anti reflux one. I've tried quite a few different brands and stuck with the one he enjoyed the most. Still. I'll keep the suggestion in mind. Thanks

[aussienic]

it is so exhausting when you have a baby that wants to be attached all the time.. Regardless of how much you love them you still need some time out

May I suggest when you are sitting down lay him on the couch on his tummy and rub his back from bottom to top, not hard but firmly.. so start at his bottom and go right up to his neck.. and go slowly too. DD was a clingy bub who had belly aches, we did this and she finally slept for 5 hours straight..

My Ds2 had silent reflux and was on BM but we used a thickener as well. Maybe his tummy isn't handling the thickened formula? What are his poo's like? are they thick? kwim?

[aussienic]

Also try Bowen Therapy.. Or give them a call and see if they can help.. Its massage

[Arimeh]

Is he on losec or zantac for his reflux? My DD3 was like that, and she's on zantac now for her silent reflux and she's pretty good now. Still has days where she doesn't want to be put down, but they are few and far between now.

I also put her in a rocker during the day to sleep, she doesn't go down in her bed during the day cos she just wakes up the second I put her down, so I get her to sleep in the rocker most of the time and she'll sleep for a good...oooh.. 20 mins? LOL

Big hugs - its hard, but it definitely won't last forever - it just FEELS like it. xxxx

[forshelby]

Tried the putting him down beside me and patting and rubbing but it didn't work. No dice! His poos are very thick. Some are quite hard and resemble solid adult poo! I know it's upsetting him and hurting his little backdoor, so I've been giving him 30mls of water a day to combat this but it's really hit and miss.

What do I do if the formula he needs just causes different problems?

[Arimeh]

My DD1 was also a sufferer of silent reflux (lucky me, I've had 4 babies, all with some form of reflux!) and the only formula she could stomach was goats milk formula. The rest just made her clogged up and I didn't want to give her coloxyl for the whole 12 months she was on formula, so a naturopath suggested we try goats milk formula. Hell expensive, but it was the only one that didn't clog her system up. We also took her to a chiropractor and had a homeopath make up a medicine for her.

[Artechim]

Perhaps try talking to the GP again? Ask if you can give something like Lactulose syrup to such a young bubba to help soften up his poo? Or talk with the GP about maybe trying the medications like Zantac rather than the thickened formula?

Just dismiss my suggestions if they aren't any help to you, just putting it out there in case.

Is your DH around at all? We have never had any help, just DH and I and it is really frigging draining doing it day in and day out.

xx