Don't worry about waiting for a certain number of "minutes" - just listen to the noises se makes. If she is just grizzling, you can leave her to put herself to sleep. If the grizzle turns into a cry, go straight in & comfort.

I try not to pick DS up - I try to settle him in the cot (I only pick him up if he won't settle with patting etc). So long as she falls asleep in the cot (rather than in your arms), I would say it's fine - I know other BB mums have taught their bubbas to self-settle that way.

Also, you may want to tackle the self-settling thing during the day for a week or so before moving on to nights?? That way you won't feel so wrecked??