Co-sleeping

[Colleen]

At the hospital, I had different midwifes throughout my stay but 90% of my nights were with a male midwife, Peter. He was great he explained co-sleeping to me and after having a c-sec it was at the very least going to help me in the first few days.

The first few nights, you are of course scared, but after a few weeks I found that I always woke up in the exact same position. (I sleep on my side, with my arm up and folded under the pillow and jaykob sleeps in the lil nook next to me)

I had so many people tell me at the start (once they found out i was co-sleeping) to get him out of my bed !!! "you'll never get him out" and I started to freak myself out and tried putting him in his own bed, I had so many rough nights and in the end i just thought bugger this! and put him back where we could all be happy.

Saying that, there were a few nights that he DID sleep in his own bed.

Now that hes 10 months, Im so happy that I co-slept, I have no issues at all. Jaykob happily goes down in his cot of a night and around 2-3am when DP leaves for work, I bring him into bed with me because he normally stirs from the noise. And I love it because I dont feel so alone.

I understand that their are issues with co-sleeping and that its not for everyone but i really think it worked (works!) for us.

If your thinking of doing it and it will eliminate stress and you meet all the co-sleeping requirements (eg non smoking, non drinker) and your comfortable with it go for it..



Colleen

[katanya]

The amount of times I have heard"you are creating a rod for your back" or "you'll never get him out" or "move him before he knows whats going on"

As Ambah said it's not like you are stuck with one way their whole lives! Felix is avery diffrent child now to when he was newborn, and If I wanted to I could work on moving him into his bed, but I enjoy co-sleeping too much!

For example he now will sleep for naps in the pram for 2 hours every day, I worked on this for a week and now when he goes to child care he can sleep in that..

IMO I really feel that a baby is meant to be able to be hug and loved and included in the family bed (And as for BDing who says you have to do it n bed anyhow!)

If you wnat to change a routine or "habit" the slower you do it the better, nd then just be firm, o-sleeping actually helps mums too as you can relax in bed instead of getting up to feed early in the morning.?

[Debbie Lee]

I agree with you, Katanya. Why not enjoy the cuddles for as long as you possibly can? Especially with everything that you and little Felix have been through!

Dee - my question for Mark would be - what constitutes a "bad habit"? Is a bad habit feeling safe and loved whilst having a nice sleepy cuddle with Mum? Is a bad habit having a really good night's sleep? Is it so bad if Mum feels better being so close to her child?

I dunno... more and more when I hear people saying "Oh I guess I am making a rod for my own back" because they are doing something their child needs to feel secure (cuddling to sleep, co-sleeping, dummies, BFing to sleep etc. etc.), the more I think that our society has this whole child-rearing thing warped. Why do people feel so insecure about the way they are bringing up their own babies?? More so, what's the point in having children? To make little "adult-clones". They are babies and children for such a short time, why are we so quick to make them grow up? I don't co-sleep but I do give Gabby a dummy to sleep. Am I creating a rod for my own back?? Hmm... well... I have yet to see a child at school that still has a dummy!

[beckles]

i co-slept with all my sons - not all at once though!

my eldest josh slept with us until he was 2 then happily moved to his own bed. zak slept with us until he was 3 as well and was happy to sleep in his own bed although came into us at night at times. Oscar also sleeps with us. he as did the others sleeps in the middle at the top of the bed we sleep lower so the doona doesn't get pulled over him. it is much easier for feeding and i find we all sleep longer. my boys never had a bassinet or a cot but my husband did put an extention on our bed so it was bigger than a king. may do that again for oscar when he gets bigger there is more room then and it has a side so he can't fall out.

beckles

[Fi]

One of the interesting things for me is that I never felt comfortable co-sleeping with Jenna when she was a newborn, but shane did, so even though it says everywhere not to let the dads co-sleep with the babies (apparently they dont have the same instincts as the mum), we did it, and it actually gave me the confidence to try it myself.

We only do it when she's having a bad night. Although sometimes I am feeding her ain the night, and wake up 2 hours later! Oops...

I've learnt now to leave the hall light on so I dont fall asleep. I end up with wet patches everywhere, and it gives her such a fright after lying in bed with me for 2 hours!

Fi

[christy]

I heard all those things too, about them never getting out of your bed. We co-slept with Matilda for the first 10 weeks and it was so much easier bf in the night after the c/s. I loved having her close to me too. As she started rolling at 10 weeks and after sleep school we got her into her own bed & then she refused to come into our bed & sleep!! I was pretty distraught as I wanted to be able to have cuddle nights with all of us together but she refuses to sleep in our bed now. I'm the sad one too!! At first I wanted some space so I encouraged her to sleep in her bed, but once she refused to sleep in our bed I was upset that I let it get that far. Now to get her to sleep in our bed she has to be really sick.

[katanya]

Fi-Actually it was DP (or XDP) that wanted to co-sleep first with felix too, he would ge a bit upset when I'd say that it was for for Felix to be on my side too. He was confused at why I wanted a cot when pregnant..lucky I bought a secondhand one because it is lying dismantled in his playroom LOL

I was petrified at co-sleeping because of all the things I'd heard, but it took having felix to realise my own instincts were so strong, there was no way I'd roll on him..I think my secret was having a nap during the day too so it didn't matter that I was in alighter sleep when he was in bed with me..

For me co-sleeping intensified our bond, I truely felt like there was a physical connection between us and would have felt anxious if he was in another room..I sensed he felt the same way, as he'd sleep so well snuggled next to me..

I agree with kelly..all children are different..and parents..and what suits one doesn't suit another..that's what is upsetting about all this bad press etc..it discounts the individuality of each mother baby unit!

BTW Kelly I love the sound of Marissa's queen bed =D> that is gorgeous..I'm sure Felix would love one for himslef aftere sleeping in ours !

[Angel]

Hey Theresa,

Not sure if this would work but how about putting Emma on top of your blankets? That way you & DH get the blankets but they're not covering Emma.

[superjac]

Hi! I have co-slept witth with Bethany since the first sleep she had and the mid wife asked me if i wanted to hold her while she slapt and said it was ok to co-sleep. I am a really light sleeper so i havent ever really worried about it. She sleeps on my side with my arm circling her (not on her)I often wake before Beth does because of her stirring and have never woken after her! Guess its a mum thing! My only problem now is that i am pregnant again, and 4 in the bed is alittle crowded! So here the dilemma, i will be putting beth slowli nto a litte bed that i saw on tv for toddlers, think its Barbie, but do i co-sleep with new bubs and Beth gets jeolous or do i try to get new bubs to sleep in a cot? Is that favouritism? And i will miss sleeping with Beth! Of couse i will love new bub's just as much but its still worrying me!

[katanya]

Theresa..Felix kick the blankets/doona off too, he just sleeps above them!

Isn't it always asimple solution that evades you!

Superjac I wouldn't know anything about the co-sleeping and sbiblings but hopefully Kelly will be able to answer you as she has worked through that exact situation!

[Juliette]

Hi All! I have always been a really 'active' sleeper (much to DH's annoyance). I often roll, kick, giggle and talk in my sleep. Apparently though, when Hannah is in the bed with us I don't do any of these things and remain cuddled up to her and still. Good ol' maternal instinct huh?! Hannah usually starts the night off in her own cot beside our bed, but by about 4am she's in with us. That allows me to have some space to settle off to sleep myself at the beginning ofthe night, and it's easy at 4am to bring her into the bed and snuggle up beside her and go straight back to sleep. She sleeps in between DH and I (I always wake him to tell him when she is there, so we are both aware). We have a king size bed, so there isn't a space problem, and we have a gap between our pillows and she usually sleeps up there so she's not covered by any of our blankets (she's in her own grobag now, but we used to just wrap her up in her own blanket.

Re: the issue of previous smoking history - I'm sure that wouldn't be right... perhaps what she was trying to say was that if one or both parents smoke, it doesn't matter even if they don't smoke in the house/room/around the baby - if they ever smoke at all it is a SIDS risk to co-sleep iykwim? My DH used to smoke, but gave up 18 months prior to TTC and all the advice we've been given is that there is no risk now...

[Melbo]

Reading this forum is interesting because co-sleeping (though I never knew it was called that until recently) seems like a logical extension of the baby-wearing during the day. Like all of you I had read/heard things about people rolling over on their babies and stuff like that but I had trouble believing that this actually happened very often unless as you say, the parents are under the influence or sleeping on a slanted surface like a couch or some other unsuitable spot.

All I could think was, well our cat slept in our bed in between us for years and we NEVER rolled over on him so I don't imagine it would happen with a baby. There seems to be some fairly good guidelines about how to do it so I'm thinking about it more and more now.

[nellbe]

About co-sleeping with siblings, I'm pretty sure Kelly's Elijah was happier in his cot, when they do all sleep together she doesn't have Marisa and Elijah sleeping together... that's all I know. (correct me if wrong Kelly!)

It's only when Matty is unwell he likes to sleep with us otherwise he wriggles and squirms and whinges... he his better off being cuddled to sleep if needed then put in his cot. Which is a shame, we love sleeping with him!

[Lee-Ann]

I used to co-sleep with DD2. I really left it up to her and as she was a pretty still sleeper it was never a problem. She was always comforted being close to me and I really enjoyed having her in bed with me, it was never a full time thing although when she was 2 and her sister was 4 I would let them sleep in my bed whenever I was alone. Even now if DH is away for work DD2 will come in bed with me and she is now 9 years old. I think it's just something she finds comforting when she is able to sleep with me again. Usually before she goes to bed and I'm laying down in my bed she'll come and lay beside me and we'll chat together and watch a bit of TV together. I really learnt a lot from my second daughter in that I gave her the comfort and security that she needed (instead of listening to the "take the hard line" type people) and she really benefitted from it and that makes me happy.

[HipBubbyMama]

I have co slept with my son since he was 4 months old, and with my daughter from birth. For us it is the ideal way to get a good nights sleep, for the bubs and for myself! I didnt initially sleep wityh my DS even though I was told by a midwife in hospital that it was fine to co sleep, since mothers have an inbuilt reflex which stops us from rolling on a baby. I was still too scared to do it. I began co sleeping after I realised this was the only way I could get my baby to settle. I was briefly put off it when everyone I knew told me it was bad and I was "making a rod" etc etc, and I went off to sleep school. Finding that completely unsuitable, we went back to co sleeping and have never looked back

I have co slept with my DD from birth, and have had virtually none of the sleepless nights I had with my fisrt baby before I began co sleeping. Of course there are some nights she wont settle but these are rare. Currently she is hard to get to sleep at night, as she had an operation last week & is feeling a bit out of sorts. I walk her around the house in the sling until she falls asleep. I miss the days when she would just settle by snuggling in next to me;however I know it is just a temporary thing and soon she will be back to her old self. Its hardly surprising she doesnt have great sleep associations, considering she went to sleep in hospital, and woke up with a very sore mouth (cleft palate repair)
My son sleps in his own bed, but still in our room. I'm thinking of gently introducing him to his own room when we move house. He will still be welcome in our bed whenever he wishes though.

I love the bonding and closeness I've had with my kids due to co sleeping. I also love how its meant I dont have to get up to them in the night! LOL

[char]

My 10 month old sleeps with us, we love it. She is gorgeous and we have no problems whatsoever. I had my first baby sleeping in the bed with us too, she went into a bed of her own when she was 18months. We have the cot set up for daytime sleeps but int he night I prefer to have her nearby as she is still brestfeeding and mayy wake int he night for a snack.

[Dustmite]

One of the interesting things for me is that I never felt comfortable co-sleeping with Jenna when she was a newborn, but shane did, so even though it says everywhere not to let the dads co-sleep with the babies (apparently they dont have the same instincts as the mum), we did it, and it actually gave me the confidence to try it myself.

I am encouraging my wife to try co-sleeping. I had not known that dad's are not supposed to co-sleep. I have read several magazine articles including one that was very pro-dad when it came to co-sleeping. Personaly, I have always loved it from time to time when my little girls crawl into bed. I would like a bigger bed for all of us, lol, but nothing beats a little girl wrapping her arms around you while she drifts to sleep. DW works at night some times until 2 am and I am hoping to get some dady - baby time, hoping to make it a bit of a bonding time for me.

[nadia]

It's a hard decission, and of late, we've had to end up with William in our bed, as he wakes in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep, so he comes in with us.
We have a king size bed and Will sleeps in between us and just has our doona on him, but he sweets and wriggles and ends up sideways, it's so annoying, but if it's the only way to get them back to sllep then I say do it, it can't harm them.

But from the word go, my kids have always just slept in their own rooms and encouraged to stay there, but when you've been up 3-4-5 times a night, and you are just so tired you bring them in with you, they stay asleep and you get a semi sleep too.