I caved today and wrapped. Last night she woke soooooo frequently that both of us were exhausted. So at 4am I wrapped her and she slept until 8am.
Does she sleep unwrapped if she's in bed with you?

Does she always wake for a feed? or just for a pat?

But once she's super tired and ready to go off, she gets really restless, and I need to then sit next to the cot and hold/stroke her hand and she goes off.
That's what we were doing for the first couple of days. He seems to be getting the hang of just cuddling teddy & going to sleep now (with a few grizzles). Tonight I only had to go back in once to lie him down & then he settled himself off to sleep - whole thing took less than 10 mins. I'm just that means that he will sleep better tonight.

But it sounds like you're doing really well!!
He is definitely getting better at putting himself to sleep - just need him to start resettling himself. (we've had a week and a half of getting up every hour or two overnight )

I'm assuming we'll get there one day, so I'm trying not to stress, and I will just keep trying it now & then, but I'm still happy to wrap if we're all too exhausted hehe.
It's always the back-up option isn't it? I know a friend of a friend who is still wrapping her 2 y.o. - so I had been preparing myself that Calvin may be like that too

I think the weather isn't helping either.. by 4am it was getting cool so she probably felt nice & snug once I wrapped her. It's hard with kids when the night starts out warm, but is cold by morning.
It's hard, isn't it? I start Calvin in a grobag (0.5 TOG) with a sheet over him. When I go to bed, I add 2 blankets over the top. He seems to be warm enough with that. But it's often hard to know how cold the night will get - the weather is so unpredictable at the moment.