I think it depends a bit on age. Yasin is 27 months now and has recently started trying it on a bit - he has a funny habit of watching/practising his emotions in the mirror. Its quite cute, almost like he's figuring out' when I feel like this I look like this' IYKWIM. So in the last month or so he's sort of learned to fake a cry when he doesn't want to go to bed. Now we put him down and if he's getting upset we go to him but if its just a tester we let it go. I probably sound mean but he's over 2 now and we know the differance between when he's genuinley in need of a bit of extra comfort before he goes to sleep and when he's just turning it on.
Imran has started to develop full-on seperation anxiety and spends alot of his days clinging to my side like a little monkey. He cries when I put him on the floor and sometimes its unavoidable. Yasin also has needs and if he needs some food and I don't think that I can carry Imran while I prepare food for myself and Yasin safely then I have no choice but to put him down and let him cry for those few minutes. When I only had one baby I never would have done it. I just would have waited until Yasin was ready before doing anything but Yasin can't always wait for Imran to let go of me and I don't think it's fair to always prioritise Imran. I would like to never let Imran cry but sometimes its just unavoidable.
My DD is 14.5 weeks, what you do sounds similar. I always give DD a BF before bed, sometimes I am lucky and she'll fall asleep, other times I put her down and she'll seem content but in 5 mins crying.
The thing we listen for is the type of crying if its a "I'm tired" cry we leave her to wind down but if its a "I'm upset and need a cuddle" cry we go straight into her. I then usually will try to settle her in the cot first, if that doesn't work I will give her a cuddle til she's drowsy and if that still doesn't work I give her the boob again.
As you asked about if its okay to leave a baby to cry at all well as I said above I think it depends on the type of cry. I don't think the tired cry is causing any distress to my DD cause she looks half asleep when she does it and her body language doesn't seem to be upset but anytime she starts getting upset I go to comfort her. Personally I don't see how babies who are left to cry when distressed can peacefully fall asleep, I know if I'm really upset there is no way I could sleep unless calmed down first. Its like Cailin said, "We believe in comforting a child rather than leaving them to cry".
And as dachlostar said a few mins wouldn't hurt. Sometimes you need to get something done or I know sometimes when a baby cries on and on you need to put them down for a few mins for your own sanity.
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