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Thread: GP ruining my confidence.

  1. #1

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    Thumbs down GP ruining my confidence.

    Hi all,
    I've been pretty confident about my whole parenting approach lately. I rock bubs to sleep, we co-sleep, and I still feed him every three or four hours at night. Maybe they are comfort feeds, but I think that's a good enough reason to feed him. If he wants comfort and that's what does it for him, I'm his mum and I think that's my job. The night feeds really don't bother me, I'm used to them and I just feed him laying down in bed, so I hardly wake up.
    But when I went to my GP for vaccinations, I mentioned we were still doing night feeds. He told me that I shouldn't be, that we should definately drop a night feed. That ds is only sucking for comfort, not cause he's hungry. That his cot should be in his own room, and he definately should not be sleeping in my bed. Why? Because he will be crawling soon and then I'll really be exhausted, and I'll need my sleep. How to drop feed? 'Comfort settling'. (I hate that phrase- I don't think there's anything comforting about letting a baby cry).
    It just destroyed all the confidence I had in myself and what I'm doing. I keep telling myself that I know I'm doing the right thing, but I do like my GP and he just made me feel like I was indulging bad habits and not doing it 'right'.
    I'm doing the right thing aren't I? (That's what I really want to hear).


  2. #2

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    LR, please don't be discouraged. Feeding in the night is a problem only if you think it's a problem. If you are ok with it, then it's not a problem. Your bub is so little yet, just 6 months, I think feeding in the night is pretty normal. Your GP probably sees mums all the time who don't want to be feeding in the night, so he automatically gives advice to reduce the feeding. But it sounds to me like you are doing a great job, and are happy with the way things are going. So, as the saying goes, if it ain't broke, why fix it?

    Keep up the great work hun.

  3. #3

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    Sounds like yu are doing a fantastic job and your little boy is so lucky to have such a loving mummy.
    I'm sure once your DD is up and crawling he will make up his own mind to drop feeds. If you are looking after yourself I don't see that it really matters that he still has night feeds. My DD stopped night feeds at about 8 weeks. I have her in my bed when she wakes in the morning just so we get a chance to have those precoius cuddle times. They grow up all to soon. Just keep up the good loving. Great work!! Take care!

  4. #4

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    Yes you are doing the right thing, you are doing what makes both bubs and yourself happy. GP's have a good knowledge of medical issues, but they are not really parenting experts. I personally have found the ones who support the more gentle forms of parenting are quite rare. We sometimes have to find support we need from multiple sources.

    Be strong and keep doing what works for you.
    Last edited by Astrid; June 19th, 2008 at 10:09 PM. Reason: missing word

  5. #5

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    LR, yes, you are doing the right thing
    If your GP is making you second-guess yourself, sometimes its best not to disclose that sort of info, KWIM? (If you feel particularly attached to your GP, that is... Maybe you could see someone who's more inclined towards your method of parenting?) Or just say, 'thanks, but I'm really happy with the way we're going'.
    Plus, I reckon those drs who recommend CC techniques to parents who are happy with the amount of sleep they're getting are doing their patients a disservice - CCing is absolutely fricking exhausting. Both physically and mentally. You only do it if you feel like you have to, and have no other choice.

    ETA: I do agree with Astrid. Drs who are more 'gently' inclined are few and far between. My dr was really good in that the only thing she said about sleep was, 'bah, mine didn't sleep through until they were at least 1... Perhaps they were older? I can't remember now!' etc etc. It really reassured me

  6. #6

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    Yes, you are doing the right thing. I only told two people I co-sleep with ds and they made me feel like I was the worst mum and I was putting my son in danger, so now I don't tell people I co-sleep. Do what makes bubs and yourself happy. You are doing a great job!!!

  7. #7

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    *pfft* to the GP. You sound like you are doing a great job, just because Western medicine and 5% of the world does it his way, doesn't mean you have too.

  8. #8

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    Feeding in the night is a problem only if you think it's a problem. If you are ok with it, then it's not a problem.
    I agree with this! It's your bub and you getting up in the night. I can't see why he lectured you like that unless you asked for advice on how to stop it!

  9. #9

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    Everyone is going to have their own opinions - they are entitled to them - but that doesn't mean you have to follow them! You know your DS the best & you know what you are comfortable doing. There is no point trying to implement any strategy/technique that you aren't comfortable with - because you will feel awful & chances are it won't work anyway (because bubs will pick up on your stress).

    I recently had the same doubts when a couple of tresillian nurses told me I was doing the wrong thing. But, after a couple of hours of doing what they suggested, I decided to stick with my normal settling techniques & I'm so glad I did. DS is back to his usual beautiful self & I feel comfortable in my gentle parenting style. I just wish I had had the confidence to trust my instincts to begin with!

    Keep doing what you feel is right hon

  10. #10

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    I do think we should be open to the opinions of others, especially those that are different to ours, so we can learn and develop our ideas. However just like we would look for a credible reference if we were going to write an assignment, we need to consider the source of information. The problem is that we feel GPs should know about these things but really, why would they? They are specialists in disease diagnosis, not child development/psychology.
    If you are up to it, you can argue the point but make sure you are well armed with evidence and a tough skin. The benefit to that is that you may just change their mind on a subject or at least get them to think enough to look into it for themselves.
    Sometimes it is just better to nod, smile and leave being comfortable with your own decisions.
    HTH

  11. #11

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    My DD is 7 months old and she is still getting 2 overnight feeds. Yes everyone tells me she doesn't need, she's not actually hungry! What rubbish. She is hungry, if she wasn't she wouldn't finish 2 full bottles. She's not interested in solids yet and again I get told she won't eat if she is getting 2 bottles overnight.I'm happy feeding her, she settles easily and we all go back to sleep. What's wrong with that. She'll sleep through when she's ready and she'll eat when she's ready!

  12. #12

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    Does the GP have any kids? One thing I can't stand is GPs, midwives, nurses etc saying what babies 'should' be doing, and they've never had kids themselves.

    You're definitely doing what sounds right for you.

    I'm still getting up in the night for feeds.. was the same with DS too. What is it with people insisting that babies sleep? This whole comforted settling thing is silly imo. The problem isn't usually getting them to sleep - it's getting them to stay asleep! LOL. They obviously wake for a reason, and the in-tune mums usually know the quickest & easiest way to get them back to sleep so everyone benefits (usually a quick breastfeed in this house )

    You're doing great. I know the feeling when GP's say things like that tho, so I sympathise. *hugs*

  13. #13

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    Thanks ladies What would I do without my cheersquad on BB?

  14. #14

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    The problem is that we feel GPs should know about these things but really, why would they? They are specialists in disease diagnosis, not child development/psychology.
    So true.
    I agree with some of the other girls, I jsut don't discuss sleep with a lot of people. My GP has never asked me about her sleeping and I neer mentioned it. I bet he is oblivious to the fact that I'm stil BFing her. Who knows what his attitude to tha would be. He was very pro BF in the early days and used to alsways ask whether she was still BF and congratulationg me. But he hasn't asked since she was 6 months. I guess he just assumes that she's on the bottle.
    DD is still waking for night feeds. I have started a plan of action around her 1st birthday. Because the ngiht feeds were increasing rather than reducing. And they were ony comfort feeds (2 minute suckling) adn I wasn't prepared to wake up every hour for a one year old anymore. But it seems she was also ready for change becasue we managed to cut it down to 1 night feed without any tears. And I am happy to do that 1 night feed for a while to come yet.
    It sounds like you're doing a great job. Don't let anyone undermine your confidence. You know your child best. And if you don't mind dreamfeeding hima couple of times a night, then why change anything (and risk sleep getting worse rather than better). He will outgrow his night feeds in his own time. He might need some gentle encouragement (like DD) but I wouldn't do that until you feel like httas what you want to be doing. Just go with your gut.

    Sasa

  15. #15

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    Yeah, I don't tell a whole lot of people what we do. Not that it's a big secret or anything, I just don't feel the need to be judged on my parenting. 99% of the time I'm totally comfortable with our parenting, and I'd like to leave it that way if possible I am happy to tell my MCHN, but she's very relaxed, and if she doesn't approve of what we do, she certainly doesn't share that with me. And she's very pro-BF, so she's always happy when I tell her we're still going Actually, come to think of it, our paed was also very supportive of us still BFing, and didn't comment on the co-sleeping. He also said that it's common and totally fine for bubs DS age to be waking a few times a night, and said there's no point in doing any cc etc.

    So we must be lucky to have supportive HCPs, because I know not everyone does! LoriRae, if you and bubs are happy, then stick with what works. Like someone else said, if it aint broke, don't fix it Like Sasa said, you will know when it's time to change things, if bub doesn't change them first

  16. #16
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    LoriRae, keep doing what you're doing for as long as it feels right!!
    My one yr old daughter co-sleeps and has one or two night comfort feeds - usually if she has a couple, one is a 'real' drink and one is just for comfort. I think she just likes the reassurance that I'm still there and my boobs are available! And really, if she is going to live to be 99, then one year plus of night feeds is nothing!!
    I think I'm lucky with my MCH as well, she is also of the opinion that things are only a problem if they're not working for you.
    My 4 yr old son was still having comfort feeds somwhere between one and two yrs...again listen to your instincts and do what YOU think is right for YOUR baby!
    Enjoy your nights with your little one. Treasure the moments when you half wake to feel a small mouth at your breast, whether for comfort, or for a midnight snack!

  17. #17

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    Mantaray knocked the nail on the head for me! Well said hun!
    And really, if she is going to live to be 99, then one year plus of night feeds is nothing!!
    ha ha so true!

    You must trust your instincts and do what is right for you and your gorgeous baby! I dont tell many people i co sleep just cause most of them say oh your making a rod for your own back etc! so I now say he sleeps ok and leave it at that!! But like you said if your getting rested and DS is too then its no ones business!

    Ds is nearly 9 months and crawling! All i can say is be careful he doesn't fall out of the bed! Unfortunately DS did twice which broke my heart but hasn't again thank god! He comfort sucks at night but not for very long and we sleep beautifully! The only thing is DH is on the couch at the moment cause DS has a cold and makes too much noise lol!

    Good luck hun

  18. #18

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    DD fed in the night till she was 11 months and is only just starting to sleep all night through in her cot in her room at 21 months - you are the mum and you will always know what is right for your child - believe in yourself, you are doing a fantastic job and your DS is lucky to have a gentle parenting mum.

    Laurin

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