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Thread: Guys - I'm really stuggling

  1. #1

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    Default Guys - I'm really stuggling

    Don't worry.. I'm not tempted to do controlled crying! LOL. But Tallon has been extra unsettled for a couple of nights, and it's just soooo draining getting up. Co sleeping is just as much effort, because I still have to get up and pick him up to settle him. He's really easy to settle, but just doesn't stay asleep!

    My other issue is, I'm really struggling with whether to use a dummy or not. I've been prolonging it, but I feel I might need to start using it at night. I don't know why, but I have a real fear of giving him a dummy. Don't know if it's just me not wanting him to be comforted by anything except me, or if it's my pride, coz I keep telling mum I don't want to use a dummy, or if it's coz I'm scared I'll end up using it ALL the time, and I'll end up with one of those babies that is ATTACHED to his dummy.

    Can someone tell me the benefits of using a dummy? I don't want to hear how great it is at shutting them up or anything, I know that. Is it going to affect my demand feeding? coz I usually stick him on the boob when he's upset. *sigh* I dunno what to do.



    I'll admit he's had a stuffy nose the last week or so, so I'm trying to be patient, but it's really getting both me and DH down at the moment, coz we're just not getting a rest.

    Any suggestions or words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2

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    Firstly big hugs!

    As for the dummy, I don't give it to seth to "shut him up", I give it to him becuase he is comforted by the sucking motion, he sleeps better he's alot happier over all. He also needed it to help with wind, as well as he likes to suck to sleep which he can't do on my boob as I have overactive letdown and he hates it. It certainly hasn't affected our demand feeding as Seth feeds whenever he wants to. He goes on probably hourly - 2 hourly during the day and he won't take the dummy if he wants a feed. I'd say as hard as it is, to wait out the cold. I seriously think that would be the root of your problems right now, as I said in the other thread Seth is the same atm and I would hate for you to introduce something you don't feel comfortable with and then it not really solve anything iykwim? In the end its up to you, I just don't want you to feel you *have* to give him a dummy. And like anything if you do give him a dummy you are in control! Seth isn't "attatched" and neither was Paris. I think that depends on why you give it to them and when iykwim?

    Goodluck, if you need to vent you know where I am.

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  3. #3

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    Thanks Cailin. I feed him to sleep at the moment, so don't really know WHEN I'd actually give him the dummy anyway, coz he's finished his sucking when I put him down. Perhaps only if he wakes soon after. Sometimes he'll wake after about 20mins, or 45mins, or sometimes he'll go a couple of hours. If it's a couple of hours, then I feed him.

    I want to be comforting him with his sleep.. maybe I'm being mean NOT using a dummy?? I think I will give it a go. He's stirring again now after about 10mins from putting him down.

    *deep breath* will go and clean up the dummies now ready to use.

  4. #4

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    Ivana, you are not mean by not using a dummy. I have found you can avoid them becoming too attached to the dummy by only allowing it to be used in certain situations, like when they are ready for sleep and just need that little extra comfort. My first two had dummies, but only when they went to sleep and the rest of the time they didn't need it because they didn't need it as a comfort item IYKWIM?

    Like Cailin said, try to leave it until he is over his cold, because whether he has the dummy or not, he will still find it hard to sleep cause his nose gets blocked and it probably wakes him. I'd try it when he has those little unsettled moments just after you put him down, because if he has just been fed, he might like the sucking motion just to settle him completely.

    Good luck with it.

  5. #5

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    He's actually more stuffy if he's unsettled. When he's relaxed and comforted, like when feeding and drifting off to sleep on me, he can breathe ok-ish.

    We just talked about it, and we've agreed we'll give it a go. I'll continue to feed to sleep, and then use the dummy to help him get into a nice deep sleep. Just got to get my head around it. It's silly feeling this strongly about a dummy! LOL. To think I've had no anxiety about anything else whatsoever. All of us are pretty relaxed, and it shows with Tallon that we're not stressed out parents. But this thing with the dummy is just rediculous! I will bite the bullet and give it to him. Well .. that's if he'll take it!

    Thanks guys. Just venting on here, and knowing you guys are here with support and encouragement is a great big help.

    *hugs* all round.

  6. #6

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    I think that's wonderful you feel so confident in your abilities as Tallon's Mum. It can be so hard for the first few months and we are never sure if we are doing the right thing.

  7. #7

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    USE THE DUMMY!!!!!! lol!

    Babies are comforted by the sucking motion, let him have it. I agree with Cailin!
    If he wants to keep sucking for comfort, and therefore feeding more often, he may over feed, feel windy pain and want to suck again etc, etc, it can turn into a vicious circle. This happened with Mitchell. He fed every hour and a half to two hours and it was bloody exhausting. The dummy really helped to extend the time between feed. He was a pretty extreme case though.

    Even now I use the dummy for Beth, she feeds 3 1/2 to 4 hourly when I use the dummy, and feeds very well too. She doesn;t have it all the time.
    When it comes to putting him down to sleep, why not try it when he is just about to drift off, so he is aware of it. He might be waking more often sometimes because he rouses and thinks OMG-WHERE IS MY BOOB? He may be more likely to settle himself back to sleep. Beth sometimes wakes for a few minutes, looks around, then falls asleep again (yay!) on her own. If she grizzles I dummy her and off she goes again. Just a sucky baby I suppose!But she likes it, it doesn't hurt anyone and it works. That's all I care about.

    Let us know how it works and stop being so hard on yourself. Anyway, what do you think it is about dummies that is so bad? I only ask as I was exactly the same at first, but when I thought about it I couldn't find a really terrible reason that dummies were so bad and I was much more relaxed.

  8. #8

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    Lulu - yeah.. I can't find a reason not to, which is why it's so frustrating that I feel so strongly about it.

    Aaaaanyways.. tried it this afternoon :eek: And I've gotta say.. I'm quite chuffed that he doesn't like it LOL. He sucked on it for a while, but it completely woke him up. So I tried again at the next feed, but straight after feeding, it made him gag and throw up, so we left it until he grizzled and woke himself up to try again, after popping it back in time and again after he'd sucked for a while, eventually he wouldn't keep it in his mouth at all and kept pushing against it with his tongue.

    Anyway.. he just slept fpr 3.5 hrs WITHOUT a dummy after feeding to sleep, and I had 3hrs sleep myself, so feel so much better. Actually he's gone back to sleep with this little cuddle.

    But now that Ive tried it, I dont feel so bad about using a dummy and will keep one by his cot just in case we need to try again through the night.

    Thank you all for support. Just needed to break the ice with the dummy I guess.

  9. #9

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    I am using dummy for sleep, and it's great! She won't take it at any other time, so I don't offer it any more. Only for sleep. She knows it's a sleep sign now. Also with No 1 I used a dummy with her until she was about 3 and she was a FANTASTIC sleeper (after 8 months) so it never caused a problem. When you want to get rid of dummy later, if they're addicted, it is possible, just takes persistance, can be gotten rid of in a day or two. I wouldn't worry about that though, just do what helps now. It hasn't effected our feeding in any way either! xo

  10. #10

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    Fletch - he has had some good sucks on it, but he sometimes screws his nose up and pushes it out! hehe.

    We tried it through the night last night. I fed him to sleep and when he stirred we stuck the dummy in. Had to hang about and make sure it would stay in tho! It worked once and he went off to sleep. Then he woke up and had a feed. Then when he stirred the next time he flat out refused it, and just wanted a quick cuddle to get back to sleep. The 3rd time he stirred he'd actually gone off to sleep himself by the time DH got there.

    So I'm not sure we really NEED the dummy.. but we have it on hand now by his cot. At least I've overcome my silliness with regard to using one!

  11. #11

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    Ivana_baby - Tallon sounds a lot like Maddy. Everyone around me was using the dummy as a calming option and no matter how I tried, Maddy will just not take a dummy. She finally now accepts them occasionally but not as an option to a comfort feed; moreso to chew on and knaw on with her gums as she's teething.

    She never seemed to develop the ability to hold it correctly with her tongue...it would just shoot out of her mouth and she hated the plastic taste! *L*

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