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Thread: Has he got us "worked out"???

  1. #1
    Melinda Guest

    Question Has he got us "worked out"???

    We are having some problems getting Jacob to sleep again. Once he's asleep he's generally pretty good (unless he loses his dummy and can't find it himself in which case he cries out but that's about it).....it's just getting him to sleep that's the problem. Lately he will kick up a real stink and carry on and we either have to rock/pat him to sleep in our arms, or sit in his room (sometimes for up to 1.5 hours during which he will play and muck about for part of the time as though he's not tired at all). Quite often he seems to 'force' out a cry or yell - it's not a proper distressed/scared/"I want comfort" kind of cry.......it's more of an attention thing, but eventually, it does progress to a full-on cry.



    Here's the funny thing....last night DH and I went out for dinner and a movie (a once a year event! LOL). Mum came down and took care of Jacob and she didn't have a problem in the world with him going to sleep......she popped in in his cot and not a peep. She went through exactly the same routine/sleep cues as what we do, so there was nothing different about that.

    So......does he kick up a stink for us because he knows we automatically go in when he gets upset???? Has he got us all worked out do you think??? We're not sure what to try next, but staying with him every night for 1.5 hours is getting a bit out of hand ATM, and it's a similar battle for his daytime sleep also.

  2. #2

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    I would say definatly yes as Lily is the same. Although not at sleep time but at other times. Like, if me and Jacob go out and leave Lily with my mum she will be a god send angel. But when she is with us she will push to the boundaries. She knows the right buttons to push with us and will do it for a laugh(literally) She also have a very attention seeking cry and a cough, both of which you know are totally fake(half the time she'll try to cover up her laughing!) But she won't do it with anyone else. Once they say 'no' she'll stop whatever it is she is doing. With us, well it's like she's suddenly become deaf to our voice! So i can't really offer advice at all, but can sympathise, you're not the only one!

  3. #3

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    Mel we went through this with Aidyn about 2 months ago I think? Not exactly the same, but similar.
    Basically he went through a stage of screaming blue murder every time we tried to put him to bed at night, so we ended up developing a settling routine in our big bed with him, which would pretty much extend to 2+ hours each night of playing and cuddles etc.
    Although it was lovely, and he obviously just wanted that special time with Mummy and Daddy, it was driving me bananas after the 2nd week!
    And during one of those nights my Mum was babysitting, and put him to bed, and what do you know - he went down without a peep for her!
    So I do think they know that we will come to them if they cry, which is why they do it. However I think maybe its part of their development at this age, and maybe related to seperation anxiety? Or just wanting to be with Mummy and Daddy? Cause I do know Aidyn really did love those 2 hour bedtime sagas where Mummy and Daddy were cooing over him and chatting to him... so I can understand why he didnt want to give it up.
    Eventually I started being stricter, and would stay with him in our bed for 30 mins, then hop out of bed and say 'its sleep time Aidyn'. And he would follow me out, and I would put him back in our bed and repeat. After 2 or 3 nights he learnt not to follow me out of our bedroom, and would fall asleep by himself on our bed (then I would transfer him to the cot). And then about a week after that I started putting him back in the cot again, and what do you know, he was fine!

    Yikes, sorry for getting off track... I wish I had some good concrete advice for you... I dont know what it was that changed things in our situation, if it was something we did, or Aidyn himself...
    I hope and pray for you though that Jacob will let up on it soon... I can so totally understand and sympathise with what you are going through... its insanely frustrating to spend the whole day running after and attending to a toddler, and then just when you think 'thankgod its their bedtime!' they end up keeping you hard at work for another 2 hours, and by the time their asleep its your bedtime! Argh... not fun at all.

  4. #4

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    I would say yes. We had the same problem with Kimberley and it's only been the last 2 months that she has gone to bed with no trouble at all. DH used to have to sit in her room until she went to sleep and some nights it would be him asleep before her. I found she is much better since she stopped her daytime sleep.

    Does Jacob still have a sleep during the day?

    What is your bedtiem rountine ?
    Maybe change it in some way.
    If Kimberley fights us at bedtime DH reads to her in bed and within 10mins of her staying still she is asleep.

    They are always good for someone esle. They will eat better, behave and sleep better.

    Good luck and i hope something works for you soon.

  5. #5

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    Elijah always sleeps for everyone else and usually earlier and for longer *rolls eyes*

    He's doing really well now though, we're slowly weaning now and it's going down well and without tears.

    I do find I have more trouble getting them to sleep when they aren't tired enough. So I don't watch the clock that much and stick to cues, while he was younger it would be late bedtimes which was not ideal, but now they have gotten themselves into a great routine and are in bed at 8.30 and asleep by 9pm. There's no pressure on them to go to sleep, it's a pleasant time and all. But I don't know if that helps really. I know I struggled with sleep with Marisa and it seemed nothing helped! But it DOES get easier with time, if anything hang onto that!
    Kelly xx

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    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
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  6. #6

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    LOL Mel... Matilda did this last month too. She would have her bottle & then be up and talking, giggling, screaming for around 1-2 hours until she would finally fall asleep & nothing we did would change anything. We moved her bedtime back by 30 minutes and then we eventually gave that up entirely and just watched her & only put her to bed on the 3rd tired sign and she started going to sleep quicker & quicker & now her bedtime is around 30 minutes later than she was going to sleep before and she goes to sleep without a peep.

  7. #7
    Melinda Guest

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    Argh.....this is still going! I find it so frustrating that we're still having to rock/pat to sleep a near 2 year old!!! I guess it's just something I never thought we would have to do IYKWIM?

    I'm getting a bit worried that the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to break this cycle? Particularly as my tummy grows, it's going to be harder for me to cradle him and rock him like he wants. After the birth, it will be even harder as I'll have a sore tummy from the caesarean and non-existant stomach muscles.....not to mention a newborn to look after too!

  8. #8

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    Melinda i wish i know what you could do to stop this.

    Maybe try the supernanny way. We have done in the past and it sometimes worked but it was a struggle. We went through 3 years of fighting getting Kimberley to sleep and now she does it okay it just took one thing to change. Now we have her asleep by 7.30 and some nights before 7.

  9. #9

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    Not at all Mel, some of them just have different little personalities, and it is very normal for a child to feel insecure with sleeping until they are 2-3. He will get there, some just take longer than others unfortunately and I know it's very trying, so the best thing you can do is work out some support for you and make sure you get some time out. I've been there with Marisa, and Elijah is 19 months and still ends up in our bed in the middle of the night, but I do know that someday soon our bed will be empty again! I'm just trying to make the transition as gentle and smooth as possible, so that they will initiate moving into their own beds and feeling safe about bed alone at night. Marisa did this between 2-2.5, she started telling us she was tired, wanted to go to bed, etc.

    I know it probably doesn't help you much or give you a magic answer, but I think making bedtime as fun (in a non-energetic kinda way), safe, gentle, warm time is the only way to get things going sooner. Having those cues going but it's not worth fighting him to get into bed if he's not tired, wearing him out more during the day and perhaps not stressing about the daytime sleep too much - Elijah is in the in-between of having a day nap and not, and I am at the stage where as much as I love him to have a nap, it's better if he doesn't as he goes down earlier!
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  10. #10
    Melinda Guest

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    I think you're right Kel. I just need to be reminded of this sometimes I think! I think when he is teething, he is that *extra* bit insecure too and wants a nice snuggle-up with one of us for comfort. You know what though, as much as I find it frustrating and tiring, when I look down at him all snuggled in to me and I'm patting/rocking him like a little baby, it makes me realise he is still my baby after all.......he always will be IYKWIM It does make your heart melt to see them so contented......I just get bloody tired in the process LOL.

    We've started asking Jacob if he's tired or wants to have a sleep etc to try and get him to talk to us about it IYKWIM rather than us just picking up the cues and then going through the motions.

    DH has toned down bedtime as well - normally he has this super-fangdangle bathtime caper where Jacob ends up getting quite excited and then blasts around the house like nobody's business. Now he has a more calming bath with Daddy, and then comes out into the lounge room with us where things are quiet and he gets to sit on Daddy's lap for a special snuggle-up (no running around like a cut cat ). This is helping, but we're still having dramas as I said.

    One day we WILL get there.........LOL

  11. #11

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    I was having this same conversation with DH just a moment ago. I have spent past 1/2 hr trying to get Jordan to sleep. He knows that when he cries, even if just an attention one I will come in.
    Jordan is babysat 4 times a week by his grandmas while I am at work and he goes to sleep no issues for them.
    I think he knows I am a softy.
    I am having to rock him to sleep most of time now, especially if he gets up in the night.
    Hopefully we can overcome this little hurdle.
    Good luck with it

  12. #12

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    Jordan is babysat 4 times a week by his grandmas while I am at work and he goes to sleep no issues for them.
    I think he knows I am a softy.
    I don't think its because he thinks your a softy but rather because he is seeking comfort from you and not them. Meaning he just wants your cuddles because he loves, trusts and depends on you.

  13. #13
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    Oooh I just found this. We are having the exact same problem. Jonah is perfectly fine when he stays with my mum but at home he's a monster. He will carry on until he gets his way and when this happens he's all smiley and happy. However we tried following what my mum did when he was at her house. The first night was a disaster and didn't work at all, but last night was a success, yippee! He went to sleep a little after 8:30 and stayed pretty much asleep until 9:15 this morning. He cried out a couple of times but we just put his dummy in and he was fine. Usually when we do this he will not let us leave the room, but last night was a wonderful. He hasn't slept for us like that for months. Here's hoping it wasn't a one off.

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