Help - I don't want to do 'controlled crying'

[Queen]

DD2 (16 weeks) is exactly the same. I was told that once they get the a certain age its stops? So its just a waiting game? Heres hoping hey??

[~Kaz~]

Just wanted to chime in with all the rest - 4 months seems to be the age for it. DS had pretty rough sleep for quite a few months at about the same age, now it's variable but his day sleeps have really improved from 40min naps all day to 1.5-2.5hr sleeps most days. He's still waking overnight but it varies between 1-3 feeds (lately it's been 3 again ). I just keep reminding myself that sleep is developmental like everything else and that if I ride him out, do what works in the short term, he'll be sleeping through eventually.

There are some good books around if you're interested that use gentle methods to help promote sleep. I found these useful to give me other options and ideas and to educate me about what is a typical sleep pattern for babies (and it's not sleeping 10 hours straight which DS has hardly ever done so that made me feel better ).

You're doing a great job!

[Gigi]

baby hammock (gentle rocking motion)

co-sleeping

breastfeeding to sleep (even if he's not really drinking, just for comfort)

napping with him during the day, co-sleeping

i believe CIO is teaching a baby "learned helplessness" - why cry, no-one will help me, no-one loves me". i've met people who leave their baby for TWELVE HOURS, no checking, nothing. baby could choke, fall, be in a full nappy, anything.

i'm going to take a wild guess, that your bub is a bit upset to be separated from you, him in the cot, you not in the cot. i wonder if he would calm down, if you slept together.

co-sleeping comes in many different shades.
you might do it ONLY in the daytime
you might do it ONLY at night
set yourself up to feel safe about it.
pillows on edges of bed, or put mattress on the floor
there are special mini cot things you put in the bed too, to avoid the risk of rolling on your bub, or them rolling away.
i put the same anti roll mat i had for the cot (to keep her on her back), in my bed, to keep her on her back also.

Keep some nappychanging stuff in your room if you co-sleep, so you can do wet changes quickly there, avoid having to get up.

Mattress protector mats (used for toilet training) are good to put on YOUR bed, for co-sleeping too. i got a swaddlebees one for about $35. Child has a posset on it, you just chuck whole mat in the wash, no problem.

keep strong, there are many of us who are anti CIO, you are not alone.

i went to a PND clinic, where i had an entire staff of midwives, who all harrassed me to use CIO for the two weeks we were there. Despite their outdated thinking, it's NOT the only method to use.

[lovelycate]

thanks again everybody. It really helps to get through the rough patches when everybody on this site is so supportive!

We had started co-sleeping, and then suddenly he slept through the night in his cot... but that's all gone out the window now

looks like we might return to co-sleeping for a while - no skin off my nose! Fed him to sleep in the big bed last night and then transferred him to the cot when I went to bed. Unfortunately he woke up, but gave him a bottle and he went back to sleep for another 3 hours. The rest of the night wasn't so hot and eventually he came into bed with me at 5am. It's silly, but I guess I'm resisting the obvious solution because of the memory of that one week of him sleeping solidly all night in his cot and each night hoping that tonight will be the night he does it again

I think I will buy the wonder weeks book. Sounds like that might be really helpful.

[blackduckies]

I am a firm believer of do what works!!! they do grow out of it, although at the time it seems that they might not??? I went the controlled crying with the older kids, but we were'nt very successful because i could'nt stand it. Its just to cruel, with my last DD we kind of co-sleep she has a cot next to our bed and sleeps with us whenever... I would feed her to sleep wait about 10 mins then she is in deep sleep and transfer her to the cot. Some days I slept with her (but that was for me) I got to a stage where I refused to feed her when she woke, perhaps your man is getting around that stage and probablly is after the comfort more??
My DD is 14 months now and sleeps well in her cot and with us, she is relaxed and will happily play in her cot...Thats another suggestion, let him play in his cot, keep something that is really fun just for in there, you could stay intially then leave for brrief periods of time, make sure you say "mummy is going to the toilet" etc before you leave then come back in a few mins, gradually build the time up... also they say boys really benifit from leg wrapping, I beleive it s the security?? Put the fan/ aircon on wrapp his little legs and see if it makes a difference.
Good luck!!!! remember in a few months time you will wonder why you were worried about it all.

[YoYo]

Pinky McKay's book 'Sleeping Like a Baby' is a good one too

[Rahjah]

Argh, I sympathise!

I have to say, DS was fabulous at sleeping until exactly 4.5 months when he turned to crapola and I remember it very well!

"this too shall pass" is the best mantra ever...though we need reminding in the midst of sleep deprivation.DS has continued to be up and down depending on whatever is happening for him (and you don't always know at the time. Teeth/discomfort/picking up on emotional stress/growth stuff etc) - this is partly why CC and CIO are rough on kids because they don't tend to take possible factors into consideration.

It IS a phase and it WILL pass. So do what you need to do to get through it and survive
And then one night, you'll wake up in a panic because they slept for so long!

LOL

PS I second Pinky's books being tops