PS: I forgot to mention that maybe he finds your presence in his room stimulating. My DD is a brilliant sleeper but she simply cannot sleep if Daddy or Mummy are in the room with her. She needs to be on her own to go to sleep. It's been quite strange for DH and I to get used to - that we give her some cuddles, put on her music and leave her to get on with it. (NB: I don't believe in control crying, she does not cry herself to sleep at all, she just plays in her cot for a bit and then gradually winds down. She wears a sleeping bag for all her sleeps so kicking off the covers is not an issue).
DS used to scream blue murder if we tried doing this and even now one of us still has to lie down with him while he goes to sleep at night - he needs the security of our presence.
Sometimes DD might need us to pop back in to pat her bum for a minute or so if she's a bit overtired and having trouble drifting off completely but we have to be careful to time it right because as soon as she sees us we get big smiles again.
I think a long wind down would be my suggestion too. I always pick DD up from playing when she starts looking tired and carry her around until she starts rubbing her eyes. I find if I get it right she goes down a treat, without even a grizzle. BUT if I don't wind her down like this she cries until I feed her to sleep!!
I have always found the whole sleep thing a real pain. I also had/have feelings of failure when she doesn't sleep, but as others have said, as soon as I just think "whatever" and let it go, the better I feel...its seriously not worth getting yourself down about (I know this doesn't seem to help when you're exhausted and angry). I try to tell myself that I might not be able to change DD's sleeping yet...but the one thing I can change is my feelings towards it.
My DH said to me the other day "sleep is not a metric"...meaning it shouldn't be a measure of how successful we are as parents, how "good" our baby is or how "good" our day went. I found that really helped...sleep is important I know, but it shouldn't be the ball breaker for your feelings towards yourself and DS.
We had huge sleep issues with DD from about 6months to 10months.
To help at night, we moved bedtime forward to begin with from half 9 to half 8, then half 7 and now she's most often in bed at half 6. We then put in a proper bedtime routine - dinner at half 5, bath, cuddles, bit of a play in her room, then story, BF (or bottle when we swapped to that) then in cot, awake and pat till she went to sleep - this used to take an hour - now its's nowhere near as long. Once we did this, her wake-ups during the night also dropped - it went from 3-4 times per night, down to 1-2 and now at 13months, she is sleeping thru probably 3-4 nights a week ( i never thought that this would happen!) Mind you, she is an extremely active bub, and is already on one day sleep only.
However, day naps were much harder to get sorted - your DS sounds like DD in being a very alert bub. We tried a routine (shorter version of her night time, minus the bath) but no matter what I did, she would still be screamin in her cot and would not calm down. I ended up extremely stressed by this (not helped by some of the nurses on the parents hepline mind you) and went to get help. I got into a day service for help with settling and luckily, I had a young mw who talked absolute sense to me - basically, she told me it didn't matter if she still needed a feed to sleep during the day - as long as nights stayed consistent, daytimes I could whatever worked. In the end, I decided that long walks timed for sleep in the pram - when she was ready for a nap, I'd strap her in and she'd end up having great sleeps - well at least much better than previously (not the 2x2hr long naps that many of the mums in mum's group were having!)
Our day sleeps were terrible until about 14 months.
At around 12 months MJ dropped to one day sleep and she was exhausted all day long as she was still only sleeping 30-45 mins. She will now sleep 1.5-2.5hours which is fantastic (for us both)
We still have trouble settling and i just think thats she is one of those bubbas!
It wont last for ever - try and find peace with the fact that your little one is just more active than others.... it will help your mind set.
Not all babies/toddlers are the same, as with adults - some find it easy to wind down, others do not.
I agree with PP - night time routines are great - but why contain it to nights only - have a routine with your day sleeps as well, story, nappy another story, cuddles then settle. (or whatever works)
If your baby doesnt like being put down - why ??? is the bed cold (try a heatpack in the cot before going down - dont forget to take it out thou) is the room to light? casting shadows? could you move the cot? (we did this with huge success)
If all else fails, just go with the flow, i read an article in the July Melbournes Child called bye bye baby - i was in tears and i realsied that although the fact that your babys needs can be frustrating at time, it is an amaziung time that you will never get back... in several years time they may not even need you to get to sleep or want you - if you savour this time (instead or resent it) it is SOOOOOO much easier...
Hope this helps - i do sympathise, i have been there too
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