How to wean from feeding to sleep - 13mo?

[mjk05]

Help!
I have no idea how to approach this.
My son is almost 13mo, we've always done things pretty instinctively and so far that has meant breastfeeding on demand, lots of sling carrying, we cosleep (at night and for naps), and he feeds to sleep. He will nap in his carseat and pram if we're out, and sometimes goes to sleep in my arms or in a sling.

For a period when he was 9mo or so, he started falling asleep without breastfeeding and sleeping through the night without waking to feed until maybe 5am. But recently, he's become more clingy (maybe related to his increased mobility?) and has gone back to feeding to sleep. He's also now wanting to feed at least 3 or 4 times every night, with a big feed in the early morning.

I don't really mind this, although its getting cold and I'd prefer to sleep in pyjamas and pull the covers up, while he prefers to be cool, so I end up a bit chilly sleeping topless to give him easy titty access. But I'm also starting to worry about the effect of constant overnight feeding on his new teeth.

I have loved cosleeping, but wouldn't mind now if he would sleep in his cot beside the bed (and he could come into bed with us in the early morning). I think DH would appreciate having the bed to ourselves too.

So- how do I go about weaning him off:
1) feeding all night
2) feeding to sleep
3) cosleeping, and move him eventually into his cot (this one is less important- we don't mind if he stays with us until he's older_

I've read and tried lots of things about bedtime routines and bumpatting, but it really doesn't seem to work for us. He has a bedtime routine (shower, story, feed to sleep) and is very happy to go to bed when he's tired, but if we get him to sleep in my arms, he wakes as soon as I put him down in the cot, and putting him down sleepy but awake just turned into a scream-fest.

Help!!! Experienced cosleeping mums, how do you do this???

[~Saram~]

Firstly you don't have to worry so much about teeth and breastfeeding as the motion of sucking means very little actually comes in contact with their teeth, so theres a bonus.

The best book I can recommend is the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantly. I goes through all of these circumstances and gives a range of solutions that are gentle. The one I most remember is you let them feed then when the sucking slows, put your pinkie in and break the suction, if they root for the nipple and start to stir then you start feeding again and so on until they stop looking for it. After about a week or two you work with another sleep assosication music/rocking/patting and no more feeding to sleep. The book explains it is much better detail but my copy is at my friends house and I can't remember, hopefully someone else will.

As for night feeding, I really struggle with night feeding as i don't know how to tell the difference between needing to feed and it being a "habit". I put Ari's dummy in and if she settles I assume it was just comfort but if she fusses more, I feed her. With DS he jsut grew out of it once we sorted the feeding to sleep assosication. Sorry I'm not more hel

[muming]

Hi Mjk, (I'm very tired so excuse my writing).
I was in the same boat with both my girls. (Now just turned 4 and nearly 2). They both slept in our bed and were fed to sleep, and on demand. I can't help you with the feeding to sleep issue, as I only stopped feeding mine to sleep when my breast milk dried up when I became pregnant again and they had no choice! This turned into cuddles to sleep, and I (or DP) still lie there with them to get them to sleep. (They share a room).
Anyway, I think what I was going to tell you was that when I found they were feeding a lot through the night, or what seemed more like "dummy mummy", I started wearing a breastfeeding singlet or top to bed. This made it a little bit harder for DD to access the boobies and then after a week or so, unless she really wanted a drink, she would mostly just have a little winge and go back to sleep.
Also, we finally bought a cot and set it up right against our bed with the side off. Then I would feed her to sleep in there so she got used to having her own space. If she awoke in the night for a feed she would just crawl on over and find what she was looking for, or I would just lean over to her in the cot. Sometimes she would be grizzling and half asleep in the cot, and a gentle pat would settle her down, where as if she was right next to me in our bed as she used to be she would probably have tried to get at those boobies for "dummy" purposes. Not that she didn't end up back in our bed many times, but at least we had that little bit of space if we wanted it!
Sorry if i rambled!
Best wishes and good luck.
PS. At about 12 months of age I thought Sierra would never sleep through the night, but she went from many night feeds to all of a sudden sleeping through Beats me.

[Melody7]

Hi MJK,

You're situation sounds very like mine, however I've only been co-sleeping/feeding for 6mths, so I won't be much help! A book you may also find useful is The Sleep Book by the Sears (William & Martha). They talk a lot about co-sleeping and offer good suggestions for a range of scenarios as well.

As for night feeding, I really struggle with night feeding as i don't know how to tell the difference between needing to feed and it being a "habit". I put Ari's dummy in and if she settles I assume it was just comfort but if she fusses more, I feed her. With DS he jsut grew out of it once we sorted the feeding to sleep assosication.

Saram, I'm having a similar issue at the moment and am considering the "Pantley's Pull Off" method when my son gets a bit better from a cold. Regarding the dummy, did you get that because Ari was sucking your boobies all night? How did you sort out the feeding to sleep association with your son?

(sorry to hijack a bit of your thread)

[~Saram~]

Melody,

sorry for the late reply don't get on bb as much as I would like anymore.

Yep Ari was a sucker right from the word go! So a dummy was literally a nipple saver in the early days. We did use it as a sleep signal too as with a 5yo with special needs as a brother that's about the only routine she has :-)

We have been using the pantly pull off too and that's what worked with DS took about 2 wks of really sticking to it for it to work. As soon as the sucking slowed and he was dozing off inbetween sucking I would count to 7-10 - if I could get to 7 or 8 then I knew I could try PPO, if he rooted on he would go again and I would wait until he settled.

i think it also helps that we have them both in a bed (DS was in a single bed and Ari is in a cot with one side off and a bed rail. IThis means i can lie down beside them in bed so that they are going to sleep in their bed and waking up. I've noticed since we took the sides off Ari's bed she is now able to semi wake, look around and put herself back to sleep, where as before she would wake up and go - hold on this wasn't where I ws before and start crying. Does that make sence?