I'm so angry at the way I acted.

[Snacks]

Totally done it. I remember patting DD for about 45 mins non-stop when she was about 4mo, watching her eyelids droop and then seeing her literally shake herself awake. I was sooooo exasperated, I didn't make it out of the room before I screamed. I seriously scared her and she started to really cry instead of just whinge. I felt really bad. But at the time I was so exhausted and pent up, I just had to let it out.
I am glad that Ava's had some good sleep today and that you were able to catch up a bit this morning. Hope tonight's a better night.

[westy]

Oh Ren

Please please please dont feel like you are a bad Mummy because you are far from it, you are a great Mummy to the most precious little girl . Like the other lovely ladies have said we have all been there done that at some stage or another. Being a Mummy is not an easy task and when you are so sleep deprived it makes an already hard job even harder. I think you should give yourself some much earned credit- your doing a wonderful job parenting little Ava dont let this one little incident drag you down.

Take care of yourself, you know we are all here for you. Big hugs to you

[Shanti]

Aww thanks girls I feel so much better.

Ava was such a little angel tonight after her massage, bath and feed she went down as soon as i put her in the cot only took a few minutes.... hope tonight goes OK.
Wish me luck!!!

Gosh, this mothering business would be sooo much harder if we didnt' have other Mum's to chat to.

[Willow]

Gosh, this mothering business would be sooo much harder if we didnt' have other Mum's to chat to.

I was just trying to explain this to my DH today - he thinks I get too caught up in what other babies are doing, don't do, how they do it etc. He doesn't understand that just hearing another mum say 'me too' can make all the difference.

Hope you have a great night

[Spring Angel]

Another guilty one. I remember one night about about 10 hours of crying during the day I just lost it and yelled 'shut up'! I couldn't believe I'd lost my temper but we are all human and we do the best we can.

[mbear]

Yep, another one guilty here - i can tell you 3 stories of the 3 times i did it to each of my 3 girls.....
Best advice i was given was from a nurse, whom said when you feel like that (i had 2 outta 3 that didnt sleep in the day...i sooo hear what your saying) just go outside for 5 mins, baby isnt going to hurt themselves, isnt going to die, just go outside, breath in some fresh air, chill out a bit, then go back inside...i found it worked. Bit harder to do at night i know....but even just getting your DH to settle her for 5 mins whilst you grab a glass of milk or something...it does make you feel better.

Also.....sleep depo is nasty. I remember (and will be there soon) having days where you are just crappy and very negative and think the whole world just suxs...then after a good night sleep (well......good with a newborn...) you feel on top of the world the next day, you could take on anything, and think to yourself 'how could i have felt crappy yesterday?'......

I totally relate to your post...and no doubt will be posting something similar in a few weeks...

YOur doing great....

X

[Just Me]

So totally been there and completely understand . . . and also done the whole guilt trip on myself afterwards. This mummy gig is hard work at times and I think just about everyone does it at some stage. You are amazing to have held it together for 3 months . . . good on you! I think I held it together for about 3 weeks with my DD before I lost it and cried hysterically and I called DH and he came home from work . . .

There is an infant and parent support program here in Townsville that I joined after that. I think lots of people get frustrated with their babies because they actually have an info sheet on what to do when you feel frustrated published by triple P. It simply says that if you get frustrated the best and safest place for your baby is in their cot. Crying for a little bit is not going to hurt them but trying to deal with them when you are feeling over it can be dangerous. They say to have a cuppa or ring someone up to have a chat or do something to distract yourself - check on them to make sure that they are okay every few minutes, but don't pick them up until you feel calm. Or if your partner is there, let them take care of the baby for a while.

I think that info sheet meant a lot to me because it was almost like I was given permission to put my DD down when she wouldn't stop crying and I wasn't coping with it. I used to put her down and take a walk to the letterbox and back again. I would just tell myself that I was going to go back in and calmly do what I needed to do to help DD calm down. That distance from her for even a couple of minutes was enough for me to come to the strong resolve that I could do it and I could manage and it worked well for me. I just needed to get myself in the headspace of being able to do it.

I think that you are doing an amazing job and you sound incredibly patient and loving. Don't beat yourself up and know that sometimes it is okay to put your baby in her cot and take a few mintues out if it gets too much.

I don't know if what I have written is very helpful to you because you sound like you are managing quite well, but I wanted to post my experience and how I managed in case there is anything in there that you find useful.

It's great that you got a good sleep this morning - babies are amazing like that . . . just when you think you are at breaking point and can't handle the sleeplessness anymore, they go and have a great big sleep and turn the whole thing around. It's like they sense their mums (and dads) need some time out

to you.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

You snapped ONCE? In three months? You didn't go in there and scream "why are you torturing me?" in your child's face? Your DH got up and gave her a cuddle pretty much as soon as she started crying? You just muttered outside her door?

Expletive, I really am messing DS up. My favourite lullaby when DS was just a few months old and doing this to me was "hush little baby, don't you fret/Mammy hasn't thrown you against the wall yet" or words to that effect because I was so sleep deprived and over it all.

You're doing a fabulous job, Ren.

[Just Me]

My favourite lullaby when DS was just a few months old and doing this to me was "hush little baby, don't you fret/Mammy hasn't thrown you against the wall yet" or words to that effect because I was so sleep deprived and over it all.

can so relate to this

[Antheia]

Yep, like I told you before, I've done it It was so bad, I felt horrible. I think I said 'Go to sleep' really meanly and she was laying on the lounge next to me (I had put her down because I was too frustrated) and her little bottom lip went down like I'd actually really hurt her feelings. I picked her up and cried and gave her a big hug. Now every time I feel myself getting frustrated I see that little face in my head and it stops me doing it again.
Lack of sleep makes you go crazy.

The one time i yelled at Orson to shut up and go to sleep, he did the whole bottom lip thing too. And then the silent scream! OMG I felt so bad.

Ren, i hope tonight is a better one.

[Gigi]

bilby fed every two hours 24/7 til about 20 months old. so i was on about two hours sleep per night for two years. even when she started sleeping for five hours at a time, my body was so used to having so little sleep, i coudln't sleep!

sleep deprivation is the pits

ava is lucky to have you as a mum
you love her to bits, AND you're human
you are a great mum renstar, and your dh sounds great too

i also know what it's like to not have any family backup.

[BloominRoses]

Sorry - had to post this in response to Rosehip but also to tell you Ren - you are a goddess of a mum; don't let Ava's bottom lip torture you for one more minute.

But should you get frustrated... Tonight I was watching one of the DVDs my mum made me when she was in hospital before she died. Just to cover stuff that she wouldn't be around to give me advice on when I got married, had a baby, etc... This one is on being a mum in the early days- not childbirth or pregnancy (she covered that earlier) but just how she mothered me when I was a baby in case I was ever curious and/or if the Drs ever asked why I, or my Sprout, was so screwed up!

Her version of a lullaby:

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Boy I wish I could throw you far
Of course I won't, but please stop your crying
If only because mummy feels like dying
Twinkle twinkle little star
Please don't make me give you a scar.

She'd probably get thrown into jail for singing this to a newborn now but I admit that I'm going to keep this one on standby. Just in case.

I hope you have/had some more sleep-
Shari xo

[Indadhanu]

I've done it, and inserted some swear words. It's frustrating and exhausting and I definately got the guilts (especially since I had my nose up my ass to that point and said "oh i'll never do that" ). It's hard hun, and the pressure we place on ourselves to be supermums is HUGE. But we are human, and a baby who cries and wakes all night and doesn't sleep is enough to test anyone. No one is judging you stop judging yourself

[Arcadia]

You snapped ONCE? In three months? You didn't go in there and scream "why are you torturing me?" in your child's face? Your DH got up and gave her a cuddle pretty much as soon as she started crying? You just muttered outside her door?

That's exactly what I was thinking. Well done on lasting 3 months! I think the first time I snapped she was only a few weeks old.

We all have those days hun. Yesterday was one of those for us, and I was all like "fine, don't sleep, see if I care..."

I have also picked up DD with frustration and felt terrible afterwards for being so unloving. *Sigh*. Its so hard some days!

[Shanti]

Thanks girls!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was a much better night even though DD woke every 3hrs to either feed or settle she was pretty good. And this morning I found her in her room at 330am practising squealing!! (it was very cute) and I just left her there and she eventually fell back asleep! (don't ya love it when they do that - rarely!) I don't feel as tired today. Probably that rest in the morning helped yesterday.

I have to admit.... when I said I haven't lost it in 3mths, I need to explain it better! YES I have had moments where I've said to DH "omg you take her i can't handle anymore right now!!" when he got home from work etc so i've done that a few times thats for sure!! And gone into my room and had a bit of a whinge/cry/hissy fit!!! lol but felt better afterwards. I've also left her with DH at 7pm one night and said "i'm going to bed! You give her a bottle if she is hungry" LOL (breastfeeding). And he did. But I got a good nights sleep that night!!!!! Did what I needed to do at the time to remain sane! But this was the FIRST time where I've actually yelled and aimed it towards my DD. But heck she probably didnt even know it was aimed at her anyway as i was standing at her door saying it. I just have a VERY guilty conscious

BloominRoses - aw thats lovely what your Mum left you. It's a funny version of the real twinkle huh?! hehe
Gigi - gosh Gigi! How did you cope on 2hr feeds for that long!!!!!! what a superwoman....

Thank you everyone sorry i cant reply to all of you individually but thank you i don't feel like such a bad mum now!

[Shanti]

Can I ask you girls who have babies who don't sleep much in the day......

If you've tried and tried to get them to sleep and they won't and it's been like an hour of trying.... do you give up? Let them play on their mat for 20mins or so while you chill out then try again??? Just interested to see what you girls do.
I want to enjoy my little girl too and not feel like all I'm doing is trying to make her sleep!!! LOL iykwim

[Heaven]

Yes, I do the same as anna 'fine, be tired, I don't care!!' pmsl.

if i'm desperate I use the HAB. I am torn bc I don't want her to rely on it but also I don't want her to be cranky all day from lack of sleep.

[Just Me]

I got to the point with my DD where I was so tired during the day I would lie down on the couch with DD in her rocker beside me and I would sleep. If she cried I would rock the rocker without getting up (if her nappy is changed, she is fed and she has played there is really nothing else you can do). I found she would settle quite well in her rocker and it was a relief for me to not have to hold her while she was screaming. Our rocker had an activitiy bar so DD would often play. I often got in a few catnaps between her crying and sometimes she would even fall asleep and we would both just sleep in the lounge.

Is that the sort of info you were after?