My DD is only 3 months old, but I'd like to prevent our bad habits from becoming ingrained. She really only feeds to sleep, doesn't sleep well (at all!) during day unless she's fed to sleep and on me and doesn't sleeping in her cot during the day. Nights are pretty good generally with two feeds b/n 8/8.30-7ish. I'd like to be able to get her to sleep without being so reliant on me so that DH can have a role. If she doesn't sleep during day and has multiple wake-up the day just stretches for me and an over-tired baby.
People keep saying do what works you. But this approach isn't feasible in the long term, particularly as she'll be in care when I'm back at work.
I know that whatever method we try will be emotional for me but the ultimate goal will benefit DD. she can sleep anywhere from a bowling alley to a restaurant and the house, but only does it by being fed to sleep and not in her cot during the day.
I know the issue might be a control one on my part (teacher) and yes, it came as a shock to me that I had to teach DD how to go to sleep. But it breaks my heart when I see my overtired DD crying out for a feed because that is the only way she knows how to go to sleep.
Thank you for all the info. It'll help make the decision more informed on our part. Can you remember how much the boarding fees were? And how easy was it to implement the new routine when you were home without the support of the staff?
The boarding fee was $220 when I stayed just checked my statement for back then Implementing the routine at home had it's ups and downs. My DH was excellent very on board to help in anyway. He started doing the night time taking him down to bed so that once he had his feed then he didn't smell my milk. He would also get up for the first couple of weeks if DS was having multiple wakes so that he would again not smell my milk & go back to sleep fairly easy. I still fed him once or twice depending. Before you leave they will go through support networks & if DH can come in and visit to see what you are doing then this also helps them understand what is happening etc. It is not a quick fix as the change, develop, get teeth etc you will have set backs and have to implement the soothing techniques. Sometimes you also take the easy way for a short while until you can't handle it & then you get back on board. Sometimes it gets off track for a while we've been off for 3 months as he got molars but now when the sleeping bag comes out he has a laugh & giggle puts his arms out & goes to sleep. This will only last a short while and then more teeth, immunisations, sickness will come along & we'll do it all again. They just give you the tools to help you through those moments & every person that comes in to contact with DD who looks after her will need to be on the same page. Although babies do adapt to different styles ie how you help them to sleep, how their grandparents do it, how day-care does it.
There is no right & wrong answer we all have our limitations. We are all great parents we do what works for us & our family at the time. I used to say to myself "this too shall pass" as it is a short amount of time & logically I new it, but it no way felt like that it felt endless. I also felt I failed this was my second child I SHOULD know what I am doing how to do this etc but they have their own personalities as well.
Ladies isn't it even just that tiny bit comforting to know others are going through similar things, even at those wee hours of the morning.
Hansie i too thought i should be so much more in control of DS2's sleeping habits as i'd been there before but it didn't end up that way.
With DS1 i had all the time in the world and he was such a good little sleeper once i knew what it was i had to do for him. Like you say MM you do have to teach them their sleeping habits in some way.
With DS2 i did have a day stay at a sleep school and with their help was able to go home and gradually implement things and get to where i wanted us to be.
But where i am now is a huge internal battle for me. DD being #3 has had to settle into a pretty noisey household, a busy one that is in and out of the car daily and somehow find some kind of sleep and feed routine in amoungst all of that. She was a silent reflux bub so the beginning was a shock to us (never expereinced that before) and hell for our poor little girl. So pretty much everything was a challenge. I believe as a result (and maybe some of it is just DD's way) her sleep patterns are pretty messed up. I knew what i had to try and do and could do it when time allowed but it was so hard to be consistant. I just kept thinking everything would fall into place over time. But i got to 12 months and i'd had enough, everything wasn't just falling into place and i had a baby that could not get to sleep without me. I too was feeding to sleep and as frequent as ever 2-3 hours at 10 months old. DD loves her dad but would have nothing to do with him at sleep time, only i could settle her. I had to make some big changes to feel like i was doing the right thing for me and my DD. I was no where near happy with her quality and lenght of sleep.
So with a bit of my story there i would say MM you are on the right track in many ways. For you, for your DD, for preparing to go back to work and for hopefully enabling some of the load to be shared a bit more with your DH. It's just finding how and when is the right time for you.
On the Queen Elizabeth Centre website there are a few videos with settling techniques. They are in 3 stages, young, infant and toddler. It may or may not be of any help to you with the ideas in mind on how you want to approach this but you may get a couple of tips from them. The other thing i ended up doing was purchasing the book the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeht Pantley, there are lots of good tips in there on various things you can come across looking after little ones and i used a few of them to move away from our feeding to sleep routine.
I think it's possible that Hansie also mentioned it but with DS1 when his day sleeps only started being 40 min long the moment he woke i would be ready to put him in the pram and walk him back to sleep so as i was more satisfied with the amount of sleep he was getting. Eventually his day sleeps became much better. I also did a lot of being there for the transition between sleep cycles and patting him back to sleep. It's time consuming and as i said i could do it with him but with others in the house it's just not possible. Looking back again i remember that i did become run by my DS's clock, my days were planned around him being in his bed when he needed to be, especially in the establishing stages.
Also similarly to Hansie my boys had blankies that they loved (and still do). DD sadly has not taken to one though. All three were offered a dummy but never took to them at all.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. It's tough and no changes happen over night, whatever you choose to do will take time, you'll need consistancy from you and your DH but none of it needs to be traumatic in any way. Lots of hugs and kisses to get where you want to be is a must
If you have any more questions i'm here if you need me
Glad you posted I have been thinking of you the last few days. Good Luck, will be thinking of you. I hope you find the support you need, you come out with a bag of tricks that help DD settle & you feeling rested & more in control.
PS you might like to take your pillow we girls didn't think they were very comfortable & asked our lovely DH's to bring in our pillows
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Implementing the routine at home had it's ups and downs. My DH was excellent very on board to help in anyway. He started doing the night time taking him down to bed so that once he had his feed then he didn't smell my milk. He would also get up for the first couple of weeks if DS was having multiple wakes so that he would again not smell my milk & go back to sleep fairly easy. I still fed him once or twice depending. Before you leave they will go through support networks & if DH can come in and visit to see what you are doing then this also helps them understand what is happening etc. It is not a quick fix as the change, develop, get teeth etc you will have set backs and have to implement the soothing techniques. Sometimes you also take the easy way for a short while until you can't handle it & then you get back on board. Sometimes it gets off track for a while we've been off for 3 months as he got molars but now when the sleeping bag comes out he has a laugh & giggle puts his arms out & goes to sleep. This will only last a short while and then more teeth, immunisations, sickness will come along & we'll do it all again. They just give you the tools to help you through those moments & every person that comes in to contact with DD who looks after her will need to be on the same page. Although babies do adapt to different styles ie how you help them to sleep, how their grandparents do it, how day-care does it. 
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