Newborns and sleep – what should I expect???

[spectraelectra]

Hi,

My DD is 2 weeks old. So far, my partner and I have been mainly co-sleeping with our bub. I’m not certain this is something I want to continue with, but it has allowed us to get some sleep since arriving home… Our DD will sleep for several hours at a time when co-sleeping, waking a couple of times a night for feed and change.

When I endeavour to put our DD in her cradle awake she cries incessantly. I’ve lasted for about 25 minutes a few times with rocking and singing before giving up and taking her out. I can’t stand listening to her cry like that. If we put her in the cradle during the day when she is already asleep, she manages to stay asleep in there for up to 45-60 minutes before waking and crying.

We are enjoying co-sleeping at this stage, but I’m a tad concerned that it might not be good for my relationship with my partner long term.

What I’ve read so far seems to be quite conflicting – some avidly support co-sleeping, whereas others seem to warn this will be the start of a dire long term habit!

How do people move from co-sleeping to cot/bassinet sleeping? Any suggestions? Or should I just relax and worry about it in a few months?


Many thanks,
SpectraElectra.

[Emma1979]

hmmmm, it depends what u see as a problem down the track... you might end up ready for bubs to go into her own cot alot sooner than what she is and that could pose a problem... plus once she is mobile, and it could be anywhere from 4 months, it will become harder and harder to have her in a bed where she could roll or crawl out....
that said you will get co-sleepers who swear by it and are happy to co-sleep for months/years or whenever the child is ready for their own bed... and i think thats brilliant if that is what works for the child and for the parents...

basically you have to decide what is going to work in your own situation..... at this point, i would say do whatever works.... whatever enables you to all get the most sleep... if you really don't want it to be a long term thing, i would try to get bubs into her own bed around 3 months, but thats just my opinion...
on many times i slept with my daughter, just me and her, because sometimes it was the only thing that would work, but now there is no way, she would just leap out of the bed, so i think its important to bear that in mind....

if you co-sleep for now and want to change it down the track, i went to a fabulous day stay (no controlled crying) in koo wee rup that was excellent for learning how best to settle your bubs... also heaps of info on feeding and sleeping patters for each age range... i wish i had of gone when my girl was a lot younger. just thought i would mention.

whatever you decide good luck, and enjoy your baby...

[Kazbah]

I never actually "co slept" with my bub, but the first month / 8 weeks or so I would sleep on a recliner chair with him at night. Every night when I worked out his "longer" sleep I'd put him in his cradle and he'd wake up there. Now he sleeps in his cot / cradle without a problem.

[Hoody]

I never co slept with my DD1 as she was really good at self settling and i never needed too. However i too have 2 wk old (well almost 3wk old) who is alot more needy and even though its not what i want long term for now we are co sleeping. I am basically just going with the flow and will see how things go in another couple of weeks. Its not that i dont want to co sleep but i worry about the affect on my relationship too and then on having issues later on getting bub to sleep alone but as i said for now sleep is sleep and i need it so whatever is working.
You should come and joing us in the bubs born in November 2007 thread.

[RhiChiChi]

When our DD was a newborn, we co-slept, slept with her in the rocking chair and she also slept in her basinette next to our bed. DD didn't move into her own cot in her own room until she was 14 weeks old. Having said that she ended up becoming a terrible day and night sleeper and like Emma we went to Koo-Wee-Rup for some guidance and this has worked a treat. I wouldn't stress too much about co-sleeping or whatever works for you ATM, you, your partner and DD need sleep! Sleep is important for little ones development. Whilst our DD formed a habit of needing to sleep with us or us cuddling her to sleep, she quickly (2 days) changed and now prefers to go to sleep on her own. At this young age your DD will mostly eat and sleep. The other thing you need to consider is that she has been so used to being in a dark, safe, warm environment and now she is in the world having to get used to sleeping by herself, learning to feed etc.... ATM all she wants is to be reassured that she is safe and that's what you are doing by co-sleeping etc... with her - IMO of course!
I wouldn't 'stress' too much about it, but what I would do is be consistent and persistent. Put your DD to sleep the same way and roughly times (if you can) so that she gets used to when it is sleep time and when it is awake time. Also, your DD needs to learn to self-settle. I was told if they wake under 1 hr of sleeping, then they need to be put back to sleep. So you may need to pat her/rock her, sing to her - whatever ATM until she self-settles. If she is crying, pick her up, but if she is just cranky, then try to encourage her back to sleep, just make sure she isn't hungry or wet! Good luck, enjoy these times co-sleeping and what-not, it goes so fast. BTW my dd is now 5 mths and sleeps 2 hrs in the morning, 2 hrs in the early arvo, then another 1 hr or so in the late arvo then sleeps through the night from 8pm until 7.15am.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

Congratulations on your new family. It's a big adjustment, and so much to consider and worry about, but you guys seem to be doing a great job.
Babies are designed to sleep with their parents. As newborns they are really too young to sleep alone - our breathing regulates their breathing, our heartbeat regulates their's. Even if not co0sleeping it is recommended that they be in your room. Research shows that, regardless of societal norms, professional advice and opinions of friends and family most babies do sleep with their mum fairly often. Because we get tired! Knowing that, it is better to make your bed a safe sleeping place - they are more at risk if, trying to avoid the bed you fall asleep on the couch etc.
One day your child will need to write his name, or tie his shoe laces, but I bet that you are not worrying about that now! You know that he will do those things when he reaches the right age and stage - and you will help him and teach him when the time is right. The same applies for sleep. One day he will sleep fine on his own and you will gently help him and teach him. Right now you all need as much sleep as you can get.
Warm Regards
Barb

[~Raven~]

I've always ended up having bubs sleep in bed with us for the first few weeks and they just kinda ended up in their own by about 6 weeks old.
I'm a really light sleeper so I find I get more sleep even if I have to get up to bub 3 times a night, though I do love to snuggle up to bub and just pop out a boob, it's the staying awake after the feed that irks me.
Start off by using the cot for day sleeps and then trying them in it at night time. Sometimes it wouldn't work but other times it did. Quite often too I'd start off the night with bub in the bed then move him out or vice versa.
Some have a cradle or hammock in the bedroom and love that instead of having bub in the bed.

[Snacks]

Just my two cents - as others have said, go with the flow, SE. If you are enjoying co-sleeping and it is working for you, that's brilliant - go with it. If it does become a problem for you and your partner, you can deal with it then. I don't know about you, but the first couple of weeks of my DD's life I was so stressed about doing the right thing for her... I forgot to just enjoy her and experience things as they happened. People often say that you should start as you mean to go on... I think this is a crock because how can you possibly know how you mean to go on at the start, KWIM? And babies change all the time - you might find your DD decides herself when she wants to sleep alone. Just go with the flow, I reckon. Good on you for following your instincts thus far

[LuluHB]

I'm not a fan of co-sleeping - I agree with what you said about it impacting on your relationship with your partner, and I also have a SIL who co-slept with her 3 children and her 6 year old is still having problems sleeping on his own. That obviously doesn't happen with everyone though and there are plenty of people who swear by it. I just like the fact that our bed is the one place that my DH and I are "us", not DD's parents (and no, not just sex - talking, companionship and just relaxing). Having said all that, we brought our teething DD into bed with us in the middle of the night last night so we could all try to get some sleep!

I initially had DD in her cradle right next to my side of the bed when she was born so she could hear us breathing and it was easy for me to just reach over and touch her if she was unsettled. Your DD is only 2 weeks old. She's used to hearing your heart, blood, voice etc and being cosily held as she woke and slept for the past 9 months so its a big shock for her to suddenly lose all that closeness and be out in the big wide world. If co-sleeping is working for you now, then I really don't think you're creating any problems for yourself if you keep going and maybe slowly phase it out by increasingly putting your DD down in her cot when she is asleep if co-sleeping is not what you want long term.

[Willow]

Our DS is now 4 weeks old and in those first 2 weeks especially, he slept many times both in our arms during the day and in our bed at night. Slowly he settled to sleep in his bassinet right next to our bed at night and yesterday I started sleeping him in his cot during the day. So far so good!

the first couple of weeks of my DD's life I was so stressed about doing the right thing for her... I forgot to just enjoy her and experience things as they happened

Yep - I'm finding myself doing it again this time even though I SWORE that I wouldn't! It's hard sometimes to have faith in yourself that you know what's best for your baby.

I added the quote at the end of my signature to as a reminder to myself.

As Hoody said - come and join us in the November 2007 baby buddies thread. Most of us are all going through the same issues at the moment and it really helps to talk to people who are at the same stage and understand.

[spectraelectra]

thanks to all your sound advice! I'll stop stressing and go with the flow, letting what feels right lead us. And I'll stop listening to the well intended advice of those who are warning of the dire consequences!

I'll get myself into the November group tomoorow - DD calls ATM. :-)

[Karina]

We did co sleep for a little while. We only stopped recently when Claire started moving around and crawling. I was worried she'd crawl out of our bed and hurt herself. I just put her in her cot and she sleeps fine. She still wakes up overnight, but she did that when we were co-sleeping anyway. Just do what works for you.. You'll probably get comments from the people who dont uderstand, but dont feel like you have to jusitify yourself. Pinky Mckay has some good books - I've got Sleeping like a baby. It has some good info on co-sleeping and also just baby sleeping in general.